Chinese ethnic group biggest earners in the UK

Chinese and Indian ethnic group workers have higher average earnings than their white British counterparts, the first detailed official figures show.

But the data on the ethnicity pay gap, showed all other ethnic groups have lower wages than white British workers.

The Office for National Statistics said employees in the Bangladeshi ethnic group have the largest pay gap, earning 20% less than white British employees.

On average, ethnic minorities earn 3.8% less than white ethnic groups.

The categories are the official ones used by ONS.

In 2018, employees from the Chinese ethnic group earned 30.9% more than white British employees.

Hugh Stickland, senior ONS analyst, said: "Overall, employees from certain ethnic groups such as Indian and Chinese, have higher average earnings than their white British counterparts.

"However, all other ethnic groups have average wages lower than for white British employees, with employees from the Bangladeshi ethnic group having the largest pay gap.

"However, once characteristics such as education and occupation are taken into account, the pay gap between white British and most other ethnic groups becomes narrower, though significant differences still remain."

Bangladeshis are the UK's lowest earners
The data - based on median gross hourly earnings between 2012 and 2018 - shows that the Chinese ethnicity group is the highest paid, receiving £15.75 an hour in 2018.

That group is followed by the Indian ethic group - which earns £13.47 an hour - and mixed/multiple ethnicity group, with a £12.33 hourly pay rate.

The median pay of the white British group was £12.03. The Bangladeshi group had the lowest median hourly pay of £9.60 with the second-lowest paid group being of Pakistani origin at £10 an hour.

The data comes after a report last year from the Resolution Foundation found black and ethnic minority workers were paid significantly less than their white counterparts.

"The harsh reality is that even today race still plays a real role in determining pay," said Frances O'Grady, general secretary of the TUC.

"Ministers must take bold action to confront inequality and racism in the labour market. The obvious first step is to introduce mandatory ethnicity pay gap reporting without delay," she said.

The government has consulted on whether mandatory reporting will help address disparities between the pay and career prospects of minorities.

The female gap
The government has already introduced mandatory reporting on the gender pay gap - which stands at 9.6% in favour of men - and the ONS data also shows discrepancies in male and female earnings in the ethnic groups.

The Chinese and Indian groups, which both have the highest rate of hourly pay, were among those with the biggest gender gaps.

Chinese men on average earned 19.1% more than women and Indian men earned 23.2% more than women.

But women in the Bangladeshi ethnic group earn more than their male counterparts - with a 10.5% gap.

The ONS said, though, that the sample size for the Bangladeshi group was smaller and susceptible to inaccuracy compared with other ethnic groups.

London's gap
London, which has the highest proportion of its population classified as an ethnic minority group, also has the largest pay gap of 21.7%.

The ONS found this gap was reversed in other parts of Britain. In the north-east of England, for instance, employees from an ethnic minority group had average earnings that were 6.5% more than the average earnings of white employees.

Birth-place divide
The ONS says that where someone is born can have an influence on how much they are paid.

"By comparing those who were born in the UK and those who were not, it may give us an idea of what sort of effect having a UK education and the higher likelihood of speaking English as a first language may have on those from an ethnic minority background," the ONS said.

It found those in the Bangladeshi ethnic group - who had been born in the UK - earned 8% less than white British employees. But for Bangladeshi employees born outside the UK the gap was 26.8%.

When taking other factors into account, such as education, UK-born employees in the Indian and Chinese ethnic groups do not have pay gaps that are "statistically different" from the UK-born white British employees, the ONS found.

For example, almost a third of workers in the Indian ethnic group work in professional roles which means they tend to be higher-paid.

(Source: BBC)

Called the wrong name at work? Awkward...

When a colleague told me my name autocorrected to Dorito and they were seconds away from calling me a tortilla chip in an email, I honestly didn't know what to say.

Our names are a key part of our identity so it can be incredibly frustrating when someone gets it wrong at work.

At least this occasion was better than when people have mispronounced my name as "Dirty" or misspelt it as "Druhti", but not knowing what to reply bothered me for days.

That's because getting a name wrong makes for somewhat awkward conversation for all involved. Do you tell them or do you let it slide? What if they're someone who still doesn't get it right after several months and several corrections? Do you now need to change your name by deed poll?

Nana Marfo's nickname was not his preferred choice but one
bestowed upon him by colleagues

I'm clearly not the only one who's facing challenges.

When Nana Marfo worked in the civil service, he unwillingly became the subject of an informal name change. He said he already stood out as he has a tracheostomy and while some colleagues were able to call him by the right name, others called him "Nandos". He tried to correct the misnomer for three years.

"But one day a client came to our department and started calling me 'Nandos'. When I asked why he called me that, he said that's how my colleague had pronounced my name on the initial visit. At that point I was beyond the point of trying to correct people, and since then have been nicknamed 'Nandos'," he says.

Nana felt he had to let it go. "I didn't feel this situation was something higher management could correct."

Say my name, say my name
Emails are also dangerous territory.

Nefra Germain used to work in the corporate world. She said people would continually get her first name and surname mixed up in emails despite the fact she would sign off with her given name.

"It's like people's brains can't process a name that is unusual so they have to find a way to normalise it and even correct you," she says.

So how should you deal with these professional mishaps?

Binna Kandola is an author and business psychologist who's had his own fair share of mix-ups. "I was speaking recently at a conference in Las Vegas and the person who introduced me called me Pina Colada.

"I got up and said: 'My name's Binna Kandola. Pina Colada's my father.' I like to think it made a point to the guy who introduced me. Sometimes humour is the best approach."

Binna Kandola has been called a variety of names, including
Benji, Fred and Mr Tandoori

He suggests that the minute someone gets your name wrong, correct them straight away and also get teammates to reinforce and support you when in meetings by saying your name correctly each time it is mispronounced.

He also says that one-off mistakes should be apologised for, corrections made and everyone should attempt to move on.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Sorrel Shalet is the head of people at Smart Energy GB. "When I introduce myself I often get 'that's OK' as a response. They think I've said that 'I'm sorry'.

"Usually it doesn't bother me too much, but sometimes I tell the person, to help pronounce it correctly, 'My name rhymes with coral.' Using a familiar rhyming word usually does the trick.

"If someone keeps getting your name wrong in the workplace, I would speak to them about it. It's likely they haven't realised their mistake."

And although Nana didn't feel comfortable doing so, Sorrel adds that you could also "ask your manager or someone from the HR team to raise it informally with them on your behalf".

Montserrat Peidro-Insa's name has been transmogrified into
"Monster Rat" on occasion

Montserrat Peidro-Insa's name may be common in Catalonia but that hasn't stopped her from being called some peculiar aberrations. "The worst example of that confusion was when a customer in the US thought my name was Monster Rat. He still calls me that without even blinking.

"For some reason Japanese people have no issue with my name. I must admit the funniest ones always come from English-speaking nationalities, especially Americans and Brits."

That's certainly my experience too. What's also frustrating is it's often British or American people who get my name wrong or will mix me up with other Asian women in the office.

As well as being annoying, a recent poll by The Guardian investigating racial bias in the UK suggested that 57% of people from an ethnic minority background felt they had to work harder to succeed in Britain because of their ethnicity, while various global studies reveal that some ethnic minorities have had to "whiten" their CVs, using techniques such as anglicising their names, in a bid to succeed.

The direct approach
Whether your name is easy to pronounce or not, or not particularly unusual in your country, it seems everyone has a story of being called the wrong name at some point.

But how do you reclaim your name, when, let's face it, it could lead to mortal embarrassment?

After Simon Hewett told a colleague she got his name wrong, she avoided him

Toronto-based Simon Hewett went for the direct approach. "I had a colleague call me Steve for five years. One day I got in the elevator and it was just the two of us. She said, 'Morning Steve' and I just looked around.

"I then said, 'You know my name is Simon right?' She looked stunned, laughed it off and got off at the next floor. She proceeded to avoid me after that."

Binna Kandola admits it's not an easy subject to broach.

"People think [this naming issue] is trivial. If you complain about it, people think the problem is you - that you don't have a sense of humour... you are seen as a troublemaker."

When you've got an unusual name, there's often a caution around AutoCorrect

But he says when people consistently get your name wrong, they are "robbing you of a key part of your identity".

"That's them saying to you that you don't matter in my world and I can't even be bothered to give you the attention to spell your name right."

He says that how organisations deal with such situations shows what the culture of that organisation is like. "People need to understand the impact these issues have. There's an education that needs to take place."

Autofail
Since this article was prompted by an autocorrect error, I decided to get in touch with Dean Hachamovitch, an inventor on the Microsoft patent for AutoCorrect, to see what he thinks about the technology "ease maker" he unleashed?

He demystified AutoCorrect slightly: "AutoCorrect tends to respect capitalised words."

He wasn't sure how to explain the Dorito mix-up though, but did say, "I'm not sure what there is to do but apologise abjectly, especially if you've called someone a Dorito."

As for me, I'm just grateful for the phonetic alphabet. That's D for Delta, H for Hotel, R for Romeo, U for Uniform, T for Tango, I for India.

Practical solutions

• Correct someone the moment they get your name wrong
• Get teammates to reinforce and support you when in meetings by saying your name correctly
• Ask people how their name should be pronounced - let them guide you
• Apologise when you get it wrong

(Source: BBC)

Check online if you require exit permit in Qatar

Ever since Ministry of Interior implemented the cancellation of exit permits for expats barring only five percent staff who will still need permission, residents have been waiting for an update on how to check if they can leave the country without any hassle.

Ministry of Interior updated its website to add a page where one can enter the Qatar Identity number and check their exit permit status online.

Click here to check if you require exit permit!

The recent amendment to Law No. 21 of 2015, stipulated that the expatriates working under labour law shall have the right to temporarily exit or depart the country permanently during the validity of the employment contract, and that the employer has the right to apply in advance to the Ministry of Administrative Development, Labor and Social Affairs a list of employees, who he believes should get permission to leave because of the nature of their work, provided that the list do not exceed 5% of the total number of employees.

This new amendment was lauded by the residents but many were still unsure if they fell in the category of those required.

(Source: The Peninsula)

Indian expat says goodbye to Dubai with emotional letter

Indian expat Sangeetha Bhaskaran recently left Dubai where she had been living for almost 30 years. However, before leaving, she left a farewell letter to the city she once called her home. The letter has recently gone viral because it evokes intense feelings and is brimmed with sincere emotions that will simply move you.

Her farewell letter to Dubai includes touching references not only about the city's beauty but also about the rest of the UAE. There is an anecdote on picnicking in Khorfakkan and playing sports in the Indian Sports Club. The city's transformation into a metropolis also comes alive through her letter.

Below is Bhaskaran's letter to Dubai in full:

After almost thirty years of living in Dubai, I left. Although the possibility of packing up had been hovering as a 'someday', the actual decision felt like an anvil hitting the pit of my stomach. I spent my last month in the city driving down forgotten streets, having long conversations by the beach with overly sweetened tea and basically soaking in as much of the past as I could before having to cut the cord. And before I knew it my visa was cancelled, the tickets were booked, suitcases and cartons stuffed after hours spent weighing on what were the real 'essentials' needed ( I'm basically an emotional hoarder who can attach the tiniest memories to thoroughly useless objects) and I was off to the airport.

I am no longer officially an NRI.

Reaching this point has not been easy and even now there are several times in a day I have to stand still, make an effort to breathe and release the knot that forms in my head. Is this the most ridiculous thing we're doing? Is my attempt to live out the "But what if I fly?" mantra going to land me in some god-forsaken crevice filled with darkness and crocodiles? [expletives removed] - where do I begin this whole attempt to re-boot my existence?

The most painful part of this juncture has been saying good-bye to a city and people who have made me the person I am. The UAE was the country my father came to with nothing in his pocket. He worked like a mad dog and damn well made sure his daughters would never know the true magnitude of his struggles. He was part of the first generation of expatriates that partook in the stupendous transformation of a city from absolute aridity to a vista of skyscrapers that devour today's skies.

We shared our home with other families, went for barbecues and picnics to Khorfakkan over weekends, sat in the car for hours as my father waited for his civil drawings to get plotted at the printers, went for swimming and tennis lessons at the Indian Sports Club (back when it was called that). My sister and I grew up with several comforts, the most important one being getting to spend enough time with our parents.

In 2012 my father was given the letter by his company. I was at work and he called me up, telling me to come home in the evening. He gave me the piece of paper and sat watching me read it. It felt so heavy; the weight of all his work committed to one organization dissolving in words saying he was not needed anymore but thank you very much, the impending goodbyes to a city, family, friends and most importantly - a house.

Home is where the heart is, but what if your heart is actually made up of little pieces that get deposited over time into concrete walls, lemon tree leaves, battered re-upholstered couches? How do you pack that home where the walls are layered with twenty-two years of paint coats mixed with memories of joy and pain?

It was the night they walked for the last time down the cobbled pathway of an uprooted garden that changed something within me forever. Seeing my mother wail like she had never before and my father sitting in the car outside the house stone-faced and holding back his pain, I swore that I would never make the same mistake, never stay in a place for too long without having the opportunity to be its citizen.

Now it is my turn, to get away and start over. The security that has been given to me by this city has also had a crippling effect by cocooning me into a state of disconnection from the rest of the world. Ahead of me is a clouded path without any safety nets or signs. I am bungee-jumping from an orderly, clean and safe environment to a jungle of chaos and clamor. India is a whole mess of its own that is going to entail a revolution of my insides in order to survive it, but for now it is my refuge, somewhere I don't need a visa for.

Dubai is where I grew up, where I discovered myself, the love of my life, people I have come to cherish and value. I don't think I can truly ever say good-bye to a place that houses so many of my secrets and memories. Although it is futile to long for it to go back to the city that it once was, a slower, more community-focused one, that doesn't stop me from wishing it often. Too much has changed too fast and eroded a lot of what made the city meaningful to expatriates and that breaks my heart. But as they say, that's life right?

Dear Dubai, I will miss you more than I can ever imagine. Pockets of memories are stitched all over your glittering landscape; meandering through Meena Bazar's gullies while looking for matching material and haggling with tailors before making the mandatory pit-stop at the little samosa and falafel shack where kitchen-gloves are never worn, driving down ever-bright Diyafah street and grabbing a mixed-fruit juice from Al Mallah, drinking pitchers of margaritas at Cactus Cantina and then heading to Copacabana's for a night of dancing, feeling my stomach lurch with giddiness as we descend a flyover in Sharjah, sauntering through Mall of the Emirates with hopes that retail therapy will calm my tired soul, swearing at crazy drivers who cut me off on Sheikh Zayed road, relishing the calm of the waves at the beach on a humid night with the muezzin's call breaking the silence.

I don't know where I'm heading but at this point in my life I have decided to trade stagnation for struggle. I want to write, I want to observe raw humanity in its infinite forms and capture it with words, I want to raise my daughter in an authentic setting that will prepare her more for reality, I want to travel and people-watch, I want to go a little mad and stack up achievements that I am actually proud of. All these things and much more are scribbled around in an imaginary scrap of paper in my head and it is time to get down to making it all happen. Maybe I'll get one done, or ten, or none. Who knows? For now all I can say is that I'm going to try.

(Source: Khaleej Times)

Why Whites and Asians have different views on personal success

A new study explores why the latter are far more likely to opt for an elite college where they'd struggle than a so-so one where they'd excel.

There’s a saying in China that it’s better to be the head of a chicken than the tail of a phoenix. The premise of the aphorism—it’s better to be over-qualified than under-qualified relative to one’s surroundings—is so widely accepted that similar versions of it exist across cultures. In Japan, they tend to say that it’s better to be the head of a sardine than the tail of a whale. Americans and Brits often declare that it’s better to be a big frog (or fish) in a small pond than a little frog in a big pond.

Extensive research supports these axioms, particularly in the realm of education. Longitudinal studies have consistently shown that high-performing students at less-selective schools feel more competent, have higher GPAs, and have more ambitious career aspirations than low-performing students at more-selective schools.

Despite the compelling evidence and age-old maxims, however, people abide by that advice to different degrees in different situations. While one study found that on average, roughly two-thirds of people would prefer to have a high IQ and live in a less-intelligent place than the reverse, for example, that percentage varied from 18 percent to 80 percent across different situations.

A new paper published in the peer-reviewed journal Social Psychological and Personality Science sought to better understand what influences those decisions—what psychological factors explain why one person might prefer to be an under-qualified student at Harvard than an overqualified one at Northeastern and why another would prefer the opposite. The University of Michigan researchers compared East Asians and European Americans on the assumption that cultural contexts play a huge role, and their analyses confirmed that speculation: The former were far more likely to prefer being a small frog in a big pond than the latter.

This conclusion may not come as a surprise given common perceptions about what distinguishes East Asian cultures from white American ones. Asians are known to be much more collectivistic, to value humility, and to tend to make decisions based on the common good rather than personal gain. Their white counterparts, on the other hand, are known to be individualistic, to self-promote by competing with peers, and to make decisions based on personal ambition. Extrapolating from that, East Asians might be more likely to assess themselves based on the larger social group to which they belong, while European Americans could be expected to evaluate themselves based more on how they compare to others within their group.

To the researchers’ surprise, though, these cultural stereotypes played little role in explaining their findings. In fact, they found that the East Asians they surveyed were greatly influenced by self-promotional tendencies—it was just a different species of self-promotion: the pursuit of prestige.

East Asian cultures aren’t just collectivistic, said Kaidi Wu, the lead researcher and a graduate student in social psychology at Michigan. They’re also what she described as “face” cultures. In such cultures, “it’s not only important for you to know that you are doing well, it’s also really important for other people—a stranger on the street, a relative, an employer who takes five minutes to glance through your resume—to evaluate you and think of you as this person who’s coming from a really good place. … Your evaluation is predicated on what other people think of you.”

The Baker Library at the Harvard Business School

Wu and her coauthors conducted three studies as part of the analysis. The first simply asked a randomly generated list of University of Michigan students whether they’d prefer to be a big frog in a small pond or vice versa. Whereas roughly 75 percent of the East Asian respondents—most of whom were born in the U.S. or had immigrated to the country at a young age—said they’d prefer being a small frog in a big pond, the same was true for just 59 percent of the European American ones.

The second study was slightly different in that the survey didn’t cite the frog-pond analogy and consulted adults in mainland China rather than East Asian students in the U.S. The researchers asked respondents whether they’d prefer attending a top-10 college where they’d be below average or a top-100 college where they’d be above average; they then asked a similar question but replaced “college” with “company” to gauge workplace preferences. The findings mirrored those from the first study: The Asian participants were more likely to prefer being a small fish. Fifty-eight percent of Chinese respondents preferred the top-10 college, and 29 percent of them preferred the global top-10 company; that was the case for just 27 percent and 14 percent of European American respondents, respectively.

The results from the third study, which sought to understand the motivation underlying these cultural distinctions, were the most counterintuitive for Wu and her colleagues. The researchers looked at the degree to which survey respondents compare themselves with others—e.g., I often compare how many Twitter followers I have with how many Twitter followers my coworker has. This measure is often used to gauge people’s frog-pond preferences: The more likely a respondent is to compare herself to others, the more likely she is to prefer being a big frog in a small pond. Interestingly, Chinese adults were more likely than white American ones to report engaging in such intragroup comparison.

“There’s this seeming contradiction between the collectivistic Asian and the Tiger Mom-ish, uber-competitive Asian student.”
There are limitations to the research, of course. The analysis relied on small sample sizes of between roughly 200 and 300 participants for each of the studies, though that’s typical of psychological studies in recent years. Furthermore, it’s all but impossible to suss out the extent to which a person’s cultural background influences her decision-making, especially as a growing number of students identify with multiple cultures. And myriad factors influence an individual’s decision about where to go to college and work.

Still, Wu emphasized that the study is the first to explore how culture shapes frog-pond education decisions, and its findings challenge conceptions about why people make the decisions they do. In cultural research, “it’s very easy to come up with these reductionistic approaches”—i.e., that Americans are individualistic, East Asians are collectivistic—and to make assumptions based on those simplifications, Wu said.

“There’s this seeming contradiction between the collectivistic Asian and the Tiger Mom-ish, uber-competitive Asian student,” she said. East Asians’ tendency toward big-name institutions at the expense of being outshined by others “isn’t because they are more collectivistic, that they want to preserve harmony and fit into the groove and be part of the larger pond.” Wu’s study suggests it’s more likely because they’re seeking prestige—and defining their success based on where they go to school rather than on how their academic performance compares to that of others.

Wu  argued that there are merits to being a small fish in a big pond, particularly when it comes to academia. Indeed, some research shows that top-10 universities produce almost three times the number of tenure-track professors as do the top 20, in large part because having a social network with elite academic scholars is so crucial to getting hired in heavily hierarchical settings. Wu, who grew up in Shanghai and moved to the U.S. when she was 16, noted that she has “reaped the benefits of a big pond” in that her peers and professors at the University of Michigan have served as a great source of motivation. Some research also suggests that the big pond might be a more advantageous choice for low-income students of color because of the resources and connections they gain from selective schools.

But being in a big pond can be a double-edged sword. Wu’s mission is to better understand the cultural distinctions that help explain these decision-making patterns—insight that is particularly relevant in the age of globalization and might help the growing numbers of Asian students in the U.S. better navigate the country’s higher-education system. In the last decade, the international-student population in the U.S. has grown by 85 percent, with the majority hailing from Asia. In vying for big ponds, many become strained by the pressure to succeed, overexerting themselves to the point that they get swallowed by mental illness or resort to cheating. Meanwhile, the percent of senior Fortune 100 executives with Ivy League degrees has declined since 1980, while the percent with public-university degrees has increased. And a Gallup poll from 2014 of nearly 30,000 college graduates found that attending a prestigious college has no bearing on an individual’s happiness in life and work.

“At the end of the day,” Wu asked, “is it worth choosing the big pond in a cultural context where big frogs in small ponds can also succeed?”

(Source: The Atlantic)

Beware of rumours! There is no travel ban on Qataris or expatriates

Some media outlets in UAE are trying to create confusion among family and relatives of expatriates working in Qatar by publishing malicious and fake news.

The latest among these fake news is the claim that Qatar has banned its citizens and expatriates from leaving the country.

English Daily published from UAE, Khaleej Times, published on July 3 that “All leaves prior to the Eid Al Fitr holidays had been cancelled for residents, especially for those working in the public sector, including hospitals. The ban has later been extended to cover several other sectors.”

If they had checked with anyone in Qatar they would have known how untrue this is. Or if they had visited Hamad International Airport on the first day of Eid or a few days before, they could have seen the rush themselves. There were large queues outside every airline counters due to summer and Eid holidays rush. But then they would have reported it as an exodus from Qatar. They need to twist the news this way or that.

A few weeks back when the blockade started Reuters had filed a report saying Qatar Petroleum has cancelled staff holidays and their exit permits.

Qatar Petroleum had denied this saying no expatriate or national employees in Qatar Petroleum or its subsidiaries have been denied leave or exit permits. However, due to the current embargo imposed by some neighbouring countries, a few selected critical employees may have been asked to postpone their leave for operational reasons.

“This is a very limited measure that could take place in any oil and gas operating company should an operational need arise to ensure uninterrupted energy supplies to all our customers across the world,” the company added.

The Khaleej Times report gets very hilarious and goes on to write that “the strict domestic security measures have bothered Qatari citizens since there are non-Qatari forces patrolling the tiny emirate and guarding the critical buildings. There are checkpoints everywhere.”

This is the biggest joke of the century as after reading this we roamed all around Qatar to find even one checkpoint. We are sorry Khaleej Times, there isn’t any.

Many Arabic dailies and websites were printing such malicious and completely fake news from Saudi Arabia and UAE. Looks like now English newspapers have joined them.

This report was picked up by some Indian dailies like Economic Times and websites like FirstPost and many concerned Indian expats and their families, who are on holiday in India, contacted The Peninsula for clarification.

This could have been avoided had the Indian media had contacted someone from Qatar before printing the news.

They had earlier published news saying India is sending planes for evacuation and later the Indian foreign ministry clarified in their regular briefing that it was not evacuation only a response to seasonal rush.

(Source: The Peninsula)

Why I moved back to India after 10+ years in USA

I am, what they call, a US Return. After more than a decade living in the United States, I moved back to India for good.

When I announced I was moving back to India permanently, some of the responses I was given were

* "Are you SURE?"

* "Let’s see how long you last”.

* "I am happy to see you walk the talk"

*"OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG"

* and the insipid "Ok cool"

 But why did I move back? Wasn't it a normal, successful and happy life in the United States?

 Yes, but on paper.

I had a job: I worked for Google, consistently rated #1 company to work for. I had status: active in the Indian Googler network, organizing events for thousands of Indian Googlers. I had a life: Lived in the city of San Francisco, paying drops of blood for a rent (to live a more happening life away from the suburbs). I had comfort: I took a leather seated wifi enabled luxury bus to work. I had social circles: platefuls of friends, acquaintances and girl friends I could run to for dinner, party or a good chat. I had health: I visited the celebrity barry's bootcamp, I was fit and had access to the best of San Francisco food experiences.

But I was unhappy.

How much can you hang out with friends? You still sleep alone. My life in Sunnyvale, the suburbs of America, revolved around lunch and dinners with friends in Indian restaurants, Chaat Paradise, Chaat Cafe, Chaat House. I got sick of it. I was too dependent on my friends for a happiness that was evasive. I wasn’t exactly happy when I was with people, but always sad and empty when I was alone. Soon, with age, friends started falling off the grid after they got married. Does marriage bring happiness in America? I don’t know. I’d ask, but no one will tell the truth.

“Hate something? Change something” became my philosophy. So I moved out of the suburbs. Moving to the dense city of San Francisco changed that feeling of sickness. There was a lot I could do on my own. Life was better. I could run on the beautiful Embarcadero road next to the bay waters, watch the eyeful twinkling lights of the bay bridge, and eat real mexican food. I no longer spent my life in a car, and could walk to the shopping center, or take a bustling train to any part of the city.

But the life soon got exhausting. My high rent meant that I had to save money on other things. Saving money led to tiring decisions like walking to places instead of taking taxi, cooking my own food instead of ordering in ($16 for a masala dosa!), slogging over house cleaning on my own after 4 hrs of food photography and the mess that it necessarily created to achieve the creative outcome. If money could solve that problem, it couldn’t have solved my 3 hour commute. I would return home at 8:30 pm from a tiring bus ride from office, only to spend 45 minutes to wash the stained vessels dumped in the sink.

The pleasant work of Writing, Photography, the will-power consuming work of Exercise, and the unwanted children of Cleaning, Cooking, Organizing, Folding, seemed to fill up every open space of time I had, and then exhausted, I filled up the rest of my time with the brainless task of resting with Netflix.

I couldn’t keep up.

I hired a helper from Taskrabbit.com, a company through which you could hire house help. At $25 per hour, I got a girl who could help me fold my laundry, clean the kitchen and basically do everything I couldn’t do alone-- miraculously, I was up and about and enthusiastic to work when she’d visit.

The relief was short lived. I could not afford to hire help and I woke up every morning with an emptiness in my heart. I woke up wondering what my purpose in the US was. I woke up missing India. Over 3 years in the city of San Francisco, I slowly and surely, got obsessed. I wanted to help India, like how you’d want to help a malnutritioned child in Africa-- but it's all in the head. Thought, in this case, doesn't count. I worked hard for the Indian Google Network, my only easy outlet. I thought of a program to make it easier for NRI’s to volunteer in India. I created a proposal called ‘Dharti’, tried for a tie up with an IIT, tried to get an impact fund sponsorship. Nothing went through.

It was not meant to be.

4th Dec 2015. I was adjusting my sari. I was at my cousin's wedding in Indore and my 8 yr old nephew looked at me and suddenly asked.

“Aye, why you stay in America?”

“I … because... I...” the answer didn't snap out, surprisingly. I tried again. ”.....Because my job is good”.

“Because my job is good?”. An echo in my head added a question mark to my answer. It was my subconscious asking myself --“Really? Job is the reason to stay in America?”. The answer didn’t feel real or reason enough to give an innocent 8 year old.

That moment, a seed was planted. By my nephew. What is the real reason I live in the US and not India? I questioned myself.

3 months later, It was getting progressively and exponentially difficult to manage my apartment. I knew I wanted to pursue food photography and writing, but it just wasn't scaling.

“You must come back to India” my brother in law told me on the phone.

“I’m afraid” I said tightening the hold around my phone.

“Why are you afraid?” he asked

“What if I don’t like it? Silicon valley has the smartest people!”

“You think there are no good people in India?”, he asked firmly.

I went silent.

I set the phone down. I was still afraid. How can I leave this land of opportunity? Can I leave this life? I have a car with a sunroof, I can drive alone at night, I have access to the best people, the place is neat and clean, I am earning in dollars, I can afford an international vacation, the best men are here in silicon valley aren't they-- All these founders, engineers, VC’s!

I parked the idea aside, unconvinced. And moved along another month.

Life has its own way of convincing. After long stares into the beautiful bus view to office, a question soon bubbled up,

“What is the one thing you will regret when you’re 50, and settled in Fremont California with a minivan and a child with an American accent”

The answer was always the same “I will regret that I didn’t go back to India”

On the night of a weekend in May, I was restless. The weekend chores were looming on me and I knew I could not keep up. But that night I didn’t want to keep up. I walked to the mirror and looked at the image, the image of a hypocrite. Someone who praises India, misses India, but yet stays abroad. I didn’t want to be that hypocrite, rolling in regret every day of my life.

So I made that decision. On my last bus trip from office, I played a song. Aye Mere Pyare Watan from Kabuliwala. You must watch it.

(Source: Linkedin)

Kuwait lawyer seeks driving ban on expatriates

:A Kuwaiti lawyer filed a lawsuit Monday seeking a temporary driving ban on millions of expatriates to ease traffic congestion in the oil-rich Gulf state.

Lawyer Mohammad al-Ansari called for a temporary suspension of their driving licences and a total ban on issuing new licences for expats.

He filed the lawsuit on behalf of a number of Kuwaiti citizens affected by traffic problems, Ansari told AFP in a written statement.

"The traffic problem in the country has reached an unbearable phase," said the lawyer, adding that the government had failed to resolve it.

Ansari said the suspension should stay in force until new regulations are introduced to curb traffic jams, although certain professions should be exempted.

Around 3.1 million foreigners, most of them Asians, live and work in Kuwait alongside 1.35 million citizens.

For the past decade, authorities have imposed very strict rules on expatriates to obtain a driver's licence.

Most foreigners are required to hold a university degree, earn 600 dinars ($2,000) a month and have lived legally in the emirate for at least two years before a license is issued.

Their high number has been criticised by lawmakers and activists, with several MPs calling for it to be lowered to the same level as Kuwaiti citizens within five years.

Others have called for taxes to be slapped on their money transfers out of Kuwait.

(Source: The Peninsula)

Demand for motorbike licence increases in Qatar

The number of expatriates seeking a motorbike licence has increased over the past few months, after many eateries have stopped using cars for home delivery services, say sources from driving schools.

The increasing popularity of motorbikes among Qatari and expatriate youth has also caused a rise in the demand for motorbike licence. To drive a motorbike a special licence is required and the procedures for obtaining a licence are more or less the same as other types of driving licences.

Omer Kabaloo, General Manager of Al Khebra Driving Academy, told The Peninsula that the number of trainees at the school obtaining a motorbike licence has increased by about 20 percent over the past few months, mainly because of increasing demand from delivery boys.

“Most of the restaurants have switched over to motorbikes instead of cars for food delivery. A full course for motorbike includes 10 theory classes and 25 practical classes and the fee is QR1,475. A trainee can avail four road tests. If a Qatari wants to get a motorbike licence, the registration formalities are simpler,” he added.

Kabaloo said a few European ladies have also obtained motorbike licence through the Academy. The procedures to register for the licence for an expat is the same as that of a car driving licence.

The required documents include a no objection letter from the employer, eye-test report, copy of applicant’s Qatari ID and four passport size photos. If the ID is not issued yet, a copy of the visa and the passport as well as the entry stamp in the passport are required, he explained.

An instructor at Al Khebra said motorbike training includes classroom instruction and a minimum of 8 hours on-cycle training. Helmets are also provided for those who do not have their own.

Theoretical training includes lessons on the challenge of motorcycling, motorcycle controls, rider and motorcycle preparation, basic riding skills, advanced turning and braking techniques, special riding situations and dangers of impaired riding.

Practical lessons include straight line riding, turning, shifting and stopping, advanced turning and braking techniques and collision avoidance manoeuvres.

Yousaf Khan, an employee at Dalla Driving Academy said the demand for motorbike licences have increased as compared to car driving licences.

“Most fast food outlets have replaced cars with motorbikes for door delivery. We are offering full courses as well as short courses,” he said.

He said eye test is available at the Academy from 7am to 12pm and from 3pm to 7pm every day except Friday.

(Source: The Peninsula)

Dubai-based Indian girl's invention could save hundreds of lives

Dubai-based Indian expatriate Priyanka Praseed says she has a simple yet innovative solution which could help save hundreds of children's lives in the UAE, every year.

"The idea first came to me after reading headline after headline about children accidently plunging to their death from balconies here," she told Khaleej Times.

But what makes Priyanka's idea so unique is the fact that she isn't even a teenager yet. However, age is no obstacle for her.

The impressive Grade 7 Millennium School Dubai student has even had her idea recognised by the Dubai Municipality (DM).

"I had approached the Dubai Municipality Building Division and presented them this solution and subsequently I was referred to Dubai Civil Defense. I am waiting for an appointment now to present the idea to them."

So what is the innovation exactly? Well, in laymen's terms, it's an inexpensive sensor that alerts parents when a small child approaches a balcony or window. She calls it the 'Fall Alarm'.

"It's just a basic motion sensor that detects movement, but you can adjust the measurement to the minimum or maximum height of your choice. It is probably the first-of-its-kind electronic solution that addresses this problem," Priyanka said.

The sensor works by sounding an alarm when a person enters the area fitted with the alarm, which in turn allows a parent to react to the situation.

After posting a message on the Dubai Municipality website which read: "I have an innovative solution to prevent child deaths here," Priyanka received an email from the department inviting her to showcase the product.

And that's when they suggested she present the idea to the Dubai Civil Defence.

"I think they liked my idea because I was young, and because it's based on new technology, it fits in well with the Smart City initiative."

Although Priyanka said effective safety measures are being taken by the government to ensure child safety in this regard, she hopes her idea can be pushed forward, with the eventual goal of making such motion sensors mandatory for residential buildings.

"This is one idea that doesn't cost much, but can save so many innocent children's lives. I read that about 33 children die annually as a result of accidental falls in the UAE and I don't want to read such headlines anymore. We can end it now."

Despite her young age, Priyanka's invention has been turning heads across the UAE, and back in February she bagged top prize at the Global Innovation Challenge, held at the Gems Wellington School.

Her project was selected as one of the winning projects in the 'Security' category, and she beat off competition from 22 other teams.

Now, she hopes the idea will be given the limelight it deserves as well as the right support for eventual release in the market.

Commenting on the importance of children here taking an innovative approach to combat everyday issues, Col. Sami Al Naqbi, Director-General of Sharjah Civil Defence, said that it will continue to "encourage all innovation and inventions" that contribute to ensuring the safety and security for all, especially children.

"Children falling from high-rise buildings has become an issue that needs to be tackled with the collaboration of all, including parents, authorities and innovators," he said.

(Source: Khaleej Times)

Most of Qatar’s residents come from these six countries

Some 80 percent of Qatar’s population is comprised of people from only six countries: India, Nepal, Qatar itself, Bangladesh, the Philippines and Egypt.

That’s according to “Population of Qatar by nationality — 2017,” an annual report compiled by locally-focused consultant Jure Snoj.

Though the government itself does not publish a breakdown of its population by nationality, Snoj has been tracking the numbers for four years now.

The report arrives at its conclusions by extrapolating data on the number of Qataris from government figures. Snoj also gathered other countries’ information mostly from local embassies and news reports.

He published the first edition in business publication BQ Magazine in 2013 and has been updating it since then.

Touchy subject
Speaking to Doha News, Snoj said that population figures can be a “touchy” topic because Qataris have become a shrinking minority in their own country.

The report states that they currently comprise about 12 percent of the population.

Explaining his motivation for maintaining the index, Snoj said:
“People want to know these things. They are interested in having information on something that is so obviously in their faces.”

He added:
“This sort of demographic statistics are also valuable for businesses of course, not to even mention the academia.

When it comes to Qatari nationals, I believe they have a right to know how many of them there are and the percentage of the total population they represent, alongside with data on where the foreigners come from.”

Biggest shifts
Population shifts in Qatar often reflect the country’s needs during a certain period of time.

This helps explain why there has been a surge in the number of Bangladeshis in Doha over the past few years.

In Qatar, most Bangladeshis are hired to work on construction projects, which have been intensifying in the run-up to the 2022 World Cup.

The report states that the number of Bangladeshis went from 137,000 in 2013 to 280,000 as of early 2016 — a 104 percent increase.

Meanwhile, the Filipino and Pakistani communities have grown 40 percent in the last three years, to 260,000 and 125,000 people, respectively.

And Qatar’s largest demographic community, Indians, grew by about 20 percent, the report found.
However, as Qatar looks to wrap up major infrastructure projects within the next few years, some communities are barely growing at all.

These include Nepal, Lebanon, Malaysia, Palestine, Russia, South Korea, Croatia and Hungary, the report states.

(Source: Doha News)

Why are white people expats when the rest of us are immigrants?

In the lexicon of human migration there are still hierarchical words, created with the purpose of putting white people above everyone else. One of those remnants is the word “expat”.

Posh white blokes: holding back the struggle for a fairer world?

Read more

What is an expat? And who is an expat? According to Wikipedia, “an expatriate (often shortened to expat) is a person temporarily or permanently residing in a country other than that of the person’s upbringing. The word comes from the Latin terms ex (‘out of’) and patria (‘country, fatherland’)”.

Defined that way, you should expect that any person going to work outside of his or her country for a period of time would be an expat, regardless of his skin colour or country. But that is not the case in reality; expat is a term reserved exclusively for western white people going to work abroad.

Africans are immigrants. Arabs are immigrants. Asians are immigrants. However, Europeans are expats because they can’t be at the same level as other ethnicities. They are superior. Immigrants is a term set aside for ‘inferior races’.

Don’t take my word for it. The Wall Street Journal, the leading financial information magazine in the world, has a blog dedicated to the life of expats and recently they featured a story ‘Who is an expat, anyway?’. Here are the main conclusions: “Some arrivals are described as expats; others as immigrants; and some simply as migrants. It depends on social class, country of origin and economic status. It’s strange to hear some people in Hong Kong described as expats, but not others. Anyone with roots in a western country is considered an expat … Filipino domestic helpers are just guests, even if they’ve been here for decades. Mandarin-speaking mainland Chinese are rarely regarded as expats … It’s a double standard woven into official policy.”

The reality is the same in Africa and Europe. Top African professionals going to work in Europe are not considered expats. They are immigrants. Period. “I work for multinational organisations both in the private and public sectors. And being black or coloured doesn’t gain me the term “expat”. I’m a highly qualified immigrant, as they call me, to be politically correct,” says an African migrant worker.

Most white people deny that they enjoy the privileges of a racist system. And why not? But our responsibility is to point out and to deny them these privileges, directly related to an outdated supremacist ideology. If you see those “expats” in Africa, call them immigrants like everyone else. If that hurts their white superiority, they can jump in the air and stay there. The political deconstruction of this outdated worldview must continue. 

(Source: Guardian)

Qatar’s roads saw more cars, more accidents and more bad driving in 2012

Qatar residents continued to drive badly in 2012, with the number of accidents resulting in injury jumping nearly 12 percent, according to new figures released by the Traffic Department today.

Nearly 1.2 million traffic violations were issued last year, a 39 percent jump from the previous year, the Ministry of Interior said on Twitter. 

But the surge in punishments don’t appear to have deterred raging roadsters, as Qatar saw some 4,218 accidents resulting in injuries last year, compared to 3,780 in 2011. The number of severe injuries increased some 3.2 percent, while the number of people killed fell half a percent.

Also on the rise: the number of vehicles on Qatar’s congested roads. Some 61,666 more vehicles were added to the streets last year, an increase of 7.6 percent from 2011. That brings the total number of vehicles up to 879,039 - more than 200,000 more cars than in 2010.

Population swells

Meanwhile, new Qatar Statistics Authority figures show that Qatar’s population, now past 1.9 million people, is continuing to grow at a much faster rate than originally estimated - last year increasing 7 percent instead of the 2 percent forecasted by the National Development Strategy.

The ensuing increase in vehicles on Qatar’s roads, in addition to road closures due to construction and poor urban planning, are the key reasons behind traffic jams here, some 4,300 residents said in a recent MOI survey.

The best way to tackle those problems is to increase police presence and enforcement on the roads and teach people the basics of traffic awareness and driving culture, residents added.

(Source: Doha News)

QR319,000 collected in fines from smokers

Long criticised for non-existent enforcement of anti-smoking law, Qatar’s public health authorities have swung into action and handed out fines to some 829 people so far this year for lighting up in public places.

And the fines the health inspectors collected from the violators totalled an impressive 

QR319,000 — which means that on average a smoker caught paid QR385 in fine.

The places raided by the inspectors included popular hangouts like the City Centre, The Mall, Villaggio, Hyatt Plaza, Landmark and Royal Plaza, among others.

Interestingly, the health inspectors didn’t spare government offices, including ministry buildings, and raided them as well and caught violators.

Responsible for ensuring a smoke-free Qatar, the Supreme Council of Health (SCH) said in a release yesterday that inspectors from its anti-tobacco unit conducted 1,330 raids between January and mid-November this year at public places where smoking is banned.

The SCH has reiterated in its release it would intensify monitoring and conduct more raids, especially as many violators were caught in shops located closer to schools.

The SCH campaign assumes significance as it comes ahead of a law that is reported to be on the anvil, and, which many expect, could see the mushrooming ‘sheesha’ joints, especially in residential localities and near schools, close down.

During the latest anti-tobacco campaign of the SCH, however, what is surprising is that no ‘sheesha’ outlet has been raided by its inspectors and no fines have been handed out to users to ‘sheesha’ addicts, who, understandably, also include an increasing number of women and children.

The current anti-tobacco law is described by anti-smoking activists as weak and lacking teeth as the punitive measures provided for are not deterring enough.

Official figures suggest that some 16 percent of the Qatari population is addicted to smoking, and that includes ‘sheesha’ as well. 

School students aren’t immune. A survey has recently been conducted by public health authorities to determine the extent to which smoking is prevalent in schools.

Its findings are expected to help the SCH come up with ways that are effective enough in fighting this menace among youngsters.

The authorities have recently made it mandatory for cigarette packets being sold in the local market to carry graphic images of deadly ailments smoking can cause, but its impact on the prevalence of smoking in the country is yet to be assessed.

Some youngsters, instead of kicking the habit, have begun buying small steel — and sometimes silver — boxes so they could shift the cigarettes from what is a repulsive looking pack to a fancy case.

(Source: The Peninsula)

Number of women drug addicts on the rise in Oman

An increasing number of women in Oman are falling prey to drugs, according to an expert from Ibn Sina Hospital, which has the country's only de-addiction facility.

Evidence based on patient visits to the facility shows that three to four new women addicts have sought medical attention here every month this year till September. Based on this, an unofficial projection for this year alone throws up a much higher number compared to the 31 women drug patients the Ministry of Health (MoH) has registered over six years from 2006 to 2011.

Acknowledging the trend, Dr Amira bint Abdul Mohsin al Raaidan, a psychiatrist at Ibn Sina Hospital, told Muscat Daily, “There has been a sharp increase in the number of women drug addicts the hospital receives. Not all are registered as patients and 30 to 40 per cent do not come back for follow-up treatment.”

The MoH data for 2006-11, which was provided by Dr Amira, also shows that all the 31 women addicts were in the 16-25 years age bracket and some were drug dealers themselves. The period recorded a total of 1,521 drug abuse cases.

According to Dr Amira, who is also the chairperson of Al Hayat Association, the only NGO working on drug awareness in Oman, and a member of the National Committee for Drugs and Psychotropic Substances, most of the women patients are either addicted to morphine or heroin.

She attributed the cause of addition to influence from peer groups, coercion, failed relationships, easy access to drugs and excess money. Many cases end in relapse due to lack of facilities.

“Some people in Oman are so rich that they don't know what to do with the excess money, and try drugs. I have had patients who are well educated, holding high posts and from good family

backgrounds. Some are drug dealers themselves.”

According to her, half a gramme of morphine costs RO10 while the same quantity of heroin costs RO50. “All the women patients I have handled use injections as the mode, for an instant high. Many of them also end up as HIV positive and Hepatitis C patients.”

Addiction can happen at any age, said Dr Amira. “For instance, an 18 year old girl dealt in drugs and confessed that she can't give up the habit. There was a case where a man forced his wife into taking drugs and later, they both turned into dealers.” She said that it has taken authorities some time to address the problem and added that people appear to be embarrassed to seek medical help in a conservative society such as that of Oman.

Rehabilitation facilities at the Ibn Sina hospital, too are limited, Dr Amira said. “It has just five beds for detoxification. I have more than 100 patients waiting to be treated. We take in patients, detoxify them and prescribe them a course of almost a month.” However, many of them go back to drugs, she said.

“I blame this on the lack of facilities. Oman had always been a timid nation and we did not regard this as an issue until now. It's a wake-up call for us.”

THE WARNING SIGNS

According to MoH figures, the period from 2006-11 registered 1,945 cases of alcohol and drug abuse (men and women) of which 1,521 were drug-related. The 1,945 cases included 1,155 singles, 692 married patients, 83 divorcees and five widows.

The most common mode of abuse was injections (1,009). The highest number of addicts (men and women) were registered in Muscat (1,149) followed by North Batinah (316).

Addicts can be identified from changes in behaviour and physical appearance. They may suffer weight loss, display violent behaviour, and have erratic sleeping patterns.

(Source: Muscatdaily.com)

Lions and tigers as pets in villas terrify neighbours

Some people have big cats like lions and tigers in their homes as pets in flagrant violation of the country’s laws and without realising the threat these predators pose to them and their neighbours who live in constant fear and are exposed to severe health hazards.

A number of nationals have been complaining that some families living in their neighbourhood have tigers and lions as domesticated animals.

A citizen has claimed in remarks to Al Sharq that he knew a fellow citizen who had allocated rooms in his spacious residential compound for tigers which he had been raising as pets.

“Not only that, the man keeps the main gate of his large residence open all the time so children living in the vicinity keep frequenting the place just to look at the intriguing large and powerful carnivores,” the citizen was quoted as saying. “This is indeed a very dangerous thing.”

Complainants have expressed fear that even if these dangerous predators are kept securely caged inside residential compounds a typical stench hangs in the air in the entire area all the time which poses a severe health hazard.

And who knows how securely these animals are kept or caged by their so-called lovers. The beasts could break free and escape and seriously threaten people’s lives. “I don’t think people having such dangerous domesticated animals are equipped properly to take care of them. Most of these pets actually live in neglect,” said a complainant.

“These animals are predators and even at play their huge size and strength make them a threat, and who knows a careless owner might open the cage and forget to close it,” said the complainant.

When told about it, lawyer Mohasin Thiyab Al Suwaidi said it is a punishable offence under Qatar’s laws to keep dangerous animals as pets and anyone who knows about places other than a licenced zoo that have such animals must immediately inform the Interior Ministry. “Keeping dangerous animals at home as pets is more severe an offence than having unlicenced arms,” he told The Peninsula.

In case such a pet is let loose and attacks a person, its owner is to be held accountable. “Qatar’s laws are clear on this,” said the lawyer. The law allows such animals to be killed because their presence in residential areas poses severe threat to life and property.

Source: The Peninsula

Alone in the city? How about renting friends?

Read an article on the Guardian which was about renting a friend, trust me “renting a friend”! The article said about how a guy meets his friend at a café and over a cup of coffee thy chat about music, current events and the ups and downs of their working lives. But they don’t spend a lot of time talking about their feelings or their relationship, or rehashing the past. It’s just not that kind of friendship. And the interesting part comes from the fact that the duo feel the same and they prefer it that way, as the guy who has invited his friend to the café is paying him to feel the same. In fact, he’s paying him £40 an hour to feel the same!

Not so long ago, friendship meant lot of happiness, wisdom and good weather that money cannot buy. In a cold and indifferent world, a friend was someone we had to make for ourselves. But after reading this article, I don’t think it is required anymore, as we can buy friendship at our own convenience, that too by the hour! It’s like for a certain consideration, we can hire some friend to go to a museum with us, or hang out at the gym, or keep us company while we shop.

Wonder where this concept originated in? In Japan. But the idea is becoming popular across the world, including the US. There’s a website – rentafriend.com – which maintains a database of 417,000 names, people for hire from all over the US and Canada. And astonishingly, some 2,000 people pay to subscribe in order to find friends to take to dinner or to invite round for some scrapbooking. 

The website says: “Rent a Friend to attend a social event, wedding, or party with you. Hire someone to introduce you to new people, or someone to go to a movie or a restaurant with. Hire a Friend to show you around an unfamiliar town, teach you a new skill or hobby, or just someone for companionship. You can view all of the profiles & photos on RentAFriend.com right now for free!”

The website doesn’t forget to update the status. It says: “As of Friday, February 10th, 2012, there are over 417,000 Friends available for rent worldwide!” and goes on saying that where and all they have been featured and how famous the website is: “We have been featured on CNN, ABC, AOL, The Today Show, MSNBC, Fox News, Associated Press, CBS and thousands of other newspapers, television stations, radio programs, websites, and magazines from around the world.”

And recently, the website was launched in the United Kingdom and it says: “We are proud to announce that RentAFriend.com is now available in United Kingdom! We will be adding thousands of new Friends over the next few weeks, so please be patient as we expand globally!”

Maybe this idea will help for people who go abroad and find it difficult to socialize. If Asians are going to the Western countries, they might find it difficult to socialize with the Westerners and then this website might come in handy. Instead of feeling lonely and worrying how to socialize, maybe it is easy to find a friend on the website, of course coming at a price! Yes, when I came to Qatar last year, I longed for friends, a friend with whom I can talk and express my feelings. All the day I stayed at home and waited and waited for my hubby to return home. The whole day, I was alone at home. It was in such days I got to know about a girl from Bangalore who also had worked with the same newspaper where I began my journalism career. My joys knew no boundaries, as I thought here is a girl who is from Bangalore and I could talk to her in my mother tongue, Kannada.

But I didn’t realize the consequences of such a friendship. Every time I called her, she refused to pick my calls or answer my messages, making me feel that I’m troubling her and then I kept quiet. I thought maybe she’s busy and maybe she’s thinking that I’m calling her to ask if she came to know about any job openings, for I had sent her my CV, seeking her help to find me a job. But later I came to know when I went for an interview that she had not even mentioned my name when the Editor of a magazine had asked her if she knows any person who is interested to work. Will tell in another post why I didn’t accept the job offer from that magazine.

Coming back to the point, I had to go for a conference in India and requested her hubby if he could help me in getting some discount in air tickets. He promised me to do so by assuring that he would give the name and contact number of a travel agent. And I followed up with him for about 15 days, but in vain. All he had to do was just let me know that he couldn’t help me, but he took me for granted. But by the time I realized it, only two days were left for my journey and I had to pay twice the amount to get the tickets. Yes, a loss, economically and mental stress too!

Then, I sent her a message sarcastically thanking her husband for his “help” in getting me a “great discount” and asked if she needs anything from back home. And she was more than happy to know that her husband had helped me, when in fact he had not even bothered to just give me the name of the agent! She asked me to buy a bag for her, which fortunately or unfortunately I did, and returned to Doha. After my return, I tried contacting her, but in vain.

Later, she lost her job and she kept on calling me, and it was my turn to make her know how I used to feel when she was indifferent to my calls. Then, she and her hubby started posting personal comments to my casual status messages which surprised me. One fine day, I picked her call and finished my talk within two minutes and she felt I was rude to her by limiting myself to yes and no over the phone. And after that call, I felt bad and in the evening I tried calling her to visit us for the Laxmi puja, and no surprise, she didn’t answer my call and didn’t even bother to reply my text message.

I just left that issue at that and moved on till I found a good job at a repute company which matched her profile. I tried calling several times, but no answer and then I texted her, expecting no reply, but there it came, suddenly, asking me why I was so interested in helping her out. I replied, “Unlike others, who pretend to help and then turn their backs, I always help friends whenever I get an opportunity.” Then I sent her a mail telling her openly why I behaved indifferent, which only enraged her. Instead of accepting her follies, she wrote me back telling that I was “childish”. Emotions and “such kinda stuff has stopped bothering me 15 years ago.”

Then I wondered is she the same person who used to lecture: “I believe in the circle of life, because how else would you describe 'what goes around, comes around’...” “I believe that I'm responsible for my own actions because that alone will keep me from blaming others and causing strained relationships. I believe that relationships are built on respect, trust and love - strictly in that order. I believe that in a world of individuals comparison makes no sense at all…” and went on to say: “Sometimes, you wonder if all that you say falls on deaf ears. Sometimes, you wonder whether you took it for granted that someone will understand you when you poured your heart out…  You feel let down, you feel like you deserved more, you feel like you're entitled to an answer. But most of all, you feel like you were talking to a wall. Because, sometimes, that’s all it takes - a patient ear, and an encouraging word- to let you know that the way you feel matters. No advise, no rationalizing, no logical explanations, just listening to what you have to say. That's all it takes. And then you realize, it's unfair to expect others to react the way you want them to. It's stupid to think that they would treat you like an 8-year-old if you didn’t agree with everything they said. It's even more stupid to believe that they don’t actually care…” blah, blah blah.

Her lectures never stopped there, she went on: “We all need friends. Sometimes, we need just that one friend to make it easier for us to get through troubled times. Now, trouble need not necessarily mean something catastrophic, but it does mean that you’re in need of some advice. And that call for help must be taken seriously, no matter what the situation - whether it’s a break-up, a low –attendance-at-college issue, a quarrel at home because you weren’t allowed to go out and party, victim of office gossip, misunderstanding with the spouse, not knowing what to wear for an interview, or simply trouble with choosing the right pair of shoes… So, if I call someone a ‘close friend’, she’d have to be someone who tells me the truth about that little piece of spinach caught in the gap between my front teeth, someone who gives me her honest opinion about my wearing anything luminescent and pink - the colors may be in style, but she has the ‘permission’ to say that I look like a psychedelic ice-cream cone… To me, a close friend is someone who I can pour my heart out to, someone who listens to me before dishing out any sort of advice, who does not negate every feeling that I am going through in an effort to make me feel better, who ‘empathizes’ (as opposed to sympathize), who I can call at 4 am to pick me up from the airport, who I can invite home without having to worry about the mess…all this and so much more. We might move on from college talk and gossip, but in our hearts, we’ll always remember one another the way we used to be, no strings attached. Girlfriends! You can’t live without them…” blah blah blah.

And then, I saw both she and her hubby had disappeared from my Facebook, good for me, as I and my friends no more get to see their unnecessary personal comments on my wall. As whatever she lectured, she had never followed. I agree not everyone can become Ramakrishna Paramahamsa! And now, friends, from Bangalore, I run a mile away. She has taught me a good lesson, never to trust or rely on Bangaloreans and I think twice even before I talk to any Kannadigas in Doha now!

Coming back to renting a friend, maybe I would have not been hurt or insulted by a friend had I merely rented out a friend. But I have experienced how it feels to move to a new town and not know anybody, somewhat daunting and more than a bit lonely. And now, I don’t need to search any friends, as I have met like-minded friends, I get invitations for social gatherings and I’m enjoying my stay here.

But when given a good thought, don’t you think that it’s a shame that services such as renting a friend even have to exist? A friend is someone with whom a relationship has been developed and I wonder at the very concept of buying that. And see the sad state of affairs that a day has come where people can’t even make friends for themselves!

But I wonder if all is that easy. Will the so-called paid friendship stop at that and no emotions and feelings attached? Don’t they get used to the idea, or say an obligation to keep the paid friend happy and amused always? Don’t they have the fear of losing him/her if someone else pays them better? Will this paid friendship not too selfish and self-centered, not caring about each other or not getting attached emotionally? Don’t they feel that the paid friends merely act or pretend to be a friend, while all the attention is on the money paid on the basis of hours spent with each other?