Meghan Markle wears £56,000 dress for engagement pics!

The dress was designed by Australian duo Tamara Ralph and Michael Russo.

Meghan Markle has polarised the public by wearing a £56,000 dress in the latest set of engagement photos released by Kensington Palace.

While Prince Harry donned a humble navy suit, his bride-to-be opted for a sheer couture gown by British design house, Ralph & Russo.

Critics have been quick to lambaste Markle for her opulent choice, with many taking to Twitter to express their outrage.

Markle is seen wearing the lavish feather-skirted gown in two out of the three photographs; in the third snap she is seen wearing a cream jumper by Victoria Beckham.

It’s unlikely that Prince Harry’s future wife would have purchased the expensive dress herself, given that designers typically loan samples of their clothes to celebrities in exchange for publicity.

However, a spokesperson for Kensington Palace told Mail Online that the gown was “privately purchased”, although it is unclear as to who made the purchase and whether or not a discount was applied.

Some fashionistas are ogling Markle’s sartorial splendour, hailing the actor and humanitarian for her bold - and braless - choice, which they deemed fit for a future royal.

Kate's been recycling her sensible clothes for years and Meghan's out here in a £56,000 sheer couture dress. 😆 pic.twitter.com/CtOtsemGck

— Helen Pockett (@helenpockett) December 21, 2017
“Can we just take a minute to swoon at these new engagement pics of Meghan in that sheer dress," one Twitter user wrote. "Bring that sexy into the royals girl!"

"Sheer, expensive, showbiz. Prince Harry's lass is breaking all the rules!" added another.

However, not everyone was in agreement, with some comparing Markle to “Poison Ivy” on Twitter while others took to criticising the royal family for advocating Meghan’s choice to wear something so expensive which seems out of touch with the current climate.

Some labelled it a “thoughtless” choice while others questioned whether such a palatial gown would inhibit Markle’s ability to “endear the British public”.

(Source: Independent)

Virat and Anushka’s royal Mumbai reception in Mumbai

Their wedding was such a memorable affair for everyone associated to it, and now they're giving back royally.

Virat Kohli and Anushka Sharma Kohli are having the time of their life in Finland, and making sure everybody feels special when invited to celebrate their marriage.

Some time back, they sent a thoughtful plant attached to their reception card, and the latest Mumbai’s reception card proves that they still want to keep it nature-themed. The card has a leaf print on it. Check out all the other details from the reception in the card here:

Their wedding was also as much a memorable affair for everyone associated to it, and now there’s another detail the wedding planner Devika Narain revealed in an interview to BBC.

“Anushka and Virat are extremely spiritual people, I don’t know how many people know this about them. She wanted everything to be about growth and prosperity, so the whole wedding was in fact inspired by the idea of an overgrown garden. They are big fans of Rumi and his poetry, so an anthology of his poems was given as a take back present for all the guests,” said Devika in the interview.

She further mentioned, “Anushka is a typical bride and I did not expect that. She had reference photos, and was incredibly invested in every single decision and detail. All of this was her idea and we were all just people who mapped it out for her. From the way the venue was chosen, it was this big Tuscan villa. The flow of the functions was like a typical Indian wedding. We had a welcome lunch, a sangeet and engagement on the first day. The second day was a bright colourful mehendi and that night was a typical bonfire night. It rained out, so we were all huddled next to a giant campfire, there was karaoke, everyone was singing. The third day was the grand finale.”

(Source: DC)

This is what my feminist marriage looks like

My feminist identity and my feminist marriage coexist and do so wonderfully, despite the judgment I faced for marrying early, writes  Shivani Bahukhandi on Feminism in India. Read her wonderful journey:  

I first met my husband when I was 22 years old, and we were married by the time I was 24. I met him after a series of bad relationships and I’d decided that if I ever got involved with someone again, I would not compromise with my ideologies as a feminist. It was something I had previously given lesser importance to, but I gradually realized that I couldn’t deprioritize my feminist identity.

When I met my husband, I was doing my Master’s. A lot of our discussions were about my classes – especially about the subject of my interest, gender, which surprisingly for me, was his interest too. As we spoke about issues surrounding gender, he came to realize that he too was a feminist. Now that I had found someone who believed in the same ideologies as me, I began to think that this could be a potential long-term relationship and we decided to get married.

I faced quite a bit of heat from my friends due to my decision of an early marriage and its implication on my identity as a feminist. Marriage is a controversial concept when one sees it under the lens of feminism. Often it is accused of being a patriarchal concept and considered to weigh down women, and very often, this is true as well. But the decision that I took then for my personal life, puts me in a happy space currently.

So when I decided to get married, the standard response was “I can’t believe you are getting married!” laced with a lot of covert judgment. The ‘Oh!’ expressions and “Aah! That sounds… great” comments started to make me question my decision. My choice to embark upon a marriage now put me in a position of dilemma vis-a-vis my identity as a feminist. Was I give in to the patriarchy?

Like everyone else, my understanding of marriage has been derived from my parents. As I observed my father doing the laundry while my mother cooked dinner, I realized that they themselves have had quite a feminist marriage. I have seen my parents share responsibilities, irrespective of how they have been gendered by the society. My father has changed diapers while my mother has gone out and worked. They may not consider it a feminist marriage due to the stigma around the word, but they have a fairly feminist approach to their marriage. That is what I aspired for, and I wouldn’t settle for less.

My husband is not my “knight in shining armour”. He is the one who stands by me while I put on that armour to fight my own battles. From fighting depression to struggling for a job, I fight each battle on my own, but I get all the support I ask for. And the case is the same the other way round. He doesn’t need me to cook his meals or wash his underwear or vice versa. He knows his life skills which make him an independent human being, and not an over-grown child in constant need of attention and help.

MY HUSBAND IS NOT MY “KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOUR”. HE STANDS BY ME WHILE I PUT ON MY OWN ARMOUR.

Not once in the past two years of being married have I heard from him that he ‘helps’ me with house chores. He knows it is his house too and he has equal responsibility towards it. If I put clothes in for laundry in the washing machine, he’ll put them out. If I’m unwell he takes charge of the house and I do the same if he is ill. It’s not a favour we do for each other, but simply us fulfilling our responsibility towards the person we married.

I don’t need to take his ‘permission’ to wear clothes of my choice, to talk to friends or meet my family. I don’t need to stay at home, because “that’s a woman’s duty”. In fact, he hopes that one day I’ll have an income to sustain the both of us, so he gets to be at home to enjoy doing what he loves to do, cooking! All our financial, emotional, personal and familial decisions are taken where we both have a say, even if it’s something as simple as ordering food.

However, nothing is perfect, and as human beings living in a patriarchal society, we tend to have some deeply ingrained patriarchal ideas. For example, I get incredibly nervous when my in-laws come to visit us. I spend all day cleaning up and cooking. My husband still doesn’t understand why I get so worked up, as being the ‘efficient daughter-in-law’ with a spotless house and a fully-stocked kitchen is not something that is expected of me, even by his parents. But this is a patriarchal social conditioning that I have not been able to rid myself of, being the imperfect feminist that I am.

Being married, doing domestic work, or being a woman – these are things that are trivialised and made inferior by patriarchy, not feminism. It is patriarchy that tells us that being responsible of your domestic chores, being a wife, and being a woman in general are the work and identity of the “weaker sex”. Feminism, on the other hand, talks about equality which is inclusive of all. Then how could feminism be against a choice I make for myself!

BEING MARRIED, DOING DOMESTIC WORK, OR BEING A WOMAN – THESE ARE THINGS THAT ARE MADE INFERIOR BY PATRIARCHY, NOT FEMINISM.

Feminism gives me the liberty and the right to make my own choices! It gives me the right to be able to take my own decisions, whether it is to marry at the age of 24 or to never marry at all. The judgment I faced for being a feminist who married young were the only reasons that I had doubts about being married. However, my stance on my feminist ideology have not wavered and that is when my doubts about getting married were settled. I no longer needed to debate with myself and others’ judgment did not bother me.

I didn’t need to justify anymore, to myself or anyone else. My identity and my marriage coexist and do so wonderfully.

Marriage in India doesn't give you a husband, it turns your lover into a full-time son

I wonder why do Indian laws become a joke in itself. If you punish a daughter-in-law on grounds of cruelty while she tries to separate the son from his parents then why is there no law for a son-in-law who separates his wife from her family? Why is there no law for those mothers in law who tried to separate their daughters in law from their sons? We are in 2017 where we let about modesty but the reality still remains the same.

I'm 27 years old. I dated my husband for 5 long years and then stepped into the decision of marriage. Like any other couple we fought and in minutes we'd forget what happened actually and move on to the next step. When we decided to get married my parents supported me through and through.

I belong from a nuclear family but my husband has always lived in a joint family. As a 26-year-old working woman my thoughts were like "one big happy family that stays together, eats together, have fun together. I will get love from all." Every time I would go there I would be treated as a part of them. I was so happy that my future will be a fun ride.

But never in my wildest dreams had I imagined that things will change overnight post marriage.

After marriage I joined my office where things were a little difficult to manage as my travel time increased by 2 hrs . I could not manage with the crowd I was travelling with so I would stand for 2 and a half hours all the way to work and same story while returning. I would reach home by 11 pm with my husband and my mother-in-law would be standing at the door.

I thought she waited for us but no she would only wait for her son. Once he would get into the room she would quite smartly ask me to come inside the kitchen to help her serve the food and when I would enter the kitchen, she would have made nothing and so she'd ask me to cook and I would do it quietly. After food I would go freshen up and when I'd get back, either rotis will be done or sabji will be over, sometimes both and I would have to sleep with a half empty stomach.

I tried it for a month but couldn't take it anymore and hence, kept a maid to cook. My mother-in-law asked her to leave and started demanding for my salary. I was confused about what had happened to her suddenly. She is a teacher herself, earns about 18 to 20k a month from her tuition classes. I'm the only daughter of my retired father, if I didn't help my parents with basic finances, where will they go.

All this kept aside I took my father and mother in law on a trip via flight as it was their dream to board a flight once. Post the trip my mother-in-law started telling me I'm a banjh (a women who cannot have kids) because I asked her for her Gynac's number as I had missed my periods for 2 months and was not pregnant based on the pregnancy test. She took me to her Gynac who gave me medicines that could lead to miscarriage if I was by default pregnant. She did all of this so that her son didn't have to spend money on me and my baby.

Post 5 months of marriage I came to know I was pregnant but at high risk of miscarriage if I kept travelling to work. Hence, I had to quit. The day I did this her torture started. I was not given proper food and medication. I was 85 kgs and I shed down to 69 kgs in just 2 months.

A movie date with my husband would also turn into a family movie plan. She would make my husband sit and gossip with her for hours after dinner. Sat-Sun would turn into a busy schedule because we'd have to take them out for bank work, some relatives' place etc. while the relatives would lock themselves in their room. My husband's granny would stick to her daily TV shows. I would have nothing to do but finish household work, cook for 9 people and sit locked up in my room.

One day my parents gave me a surprise visit. My mom entered the house and asked for me. My mother-in-law lied saying I was taking a bath. My mom knocked on my door and I opened it crying. My parents could sense it that I was falling into depression.

That's how I broke the news to them that I was pregnant. They got me home with them. Today I'm blessed with a baby boy and I'm proud to say that it's only me who is bearing all the expenses of my baby. His father has not shed a single penny on us. He is a weekly visitor to his son.

This surprises me because I didn't know how a lover changes into a full-time son post marriage.

They feel we are their property and come what may we will not go away since they have a marriage stamp on us. It surprises me to know before marriage I was daughter to the same in-laws for whom I have turned into an outsider post marriage. Yes stories like mine still exist in every second house in India

I have asked my husband a couple of times to rent a house so that he doesn't become sandwich between me and his mom. But his mom says, "If she's telling you this, tell her it's a supreme court law that if she tries to separate you from us you have the right to divorce her."

Does Indian law say if you fights with your parents do you leave them? No we don't but it's also true that my parents don't differentiate between daughter and son-in-law, rather they are respected more in our family. It is also true that standing at the door my mother would help me with a glass of water and ask how was your day and would never let me sleep half stomach. A few kind words, a few nice gestures, a good start to the day from a mother-in-law can actually make it easier for the daughter to adjust into a completely new world.

But I was in my dream world when reality broke in and left me shattered. Now I'm trying to collect my broken pieces and give my life a new start.

(Source: Akkar Bakkar)

Why I hate couples who indulge in Facebook display of affection

Sometimes I wonder why couples display affection on social media like Facebook. Like husband wishing wife for her birthday, wife wishing her husband on the anniversary, blah, blah, blah. Wishing is fine sometimes, but what about displaying affection and love? When they live in the same house, is there a need for it? Get a room guys! Public gushing on social media is really strange, this piece on Odd Naari has nailed it:

"Happy birthday poo poo. Luv u shoo much." This Facebook post in particular caught my attention. As I scanned the image attached to the post, I realized that the writer of this heart-touching (read: wrenching) sentence was a dear friend of mine. And she had just recently tied the knot with her beau of five years.

As I read further, to my utter horror I realized that her husband had commented on the post, which had led to a sweeter than honey comment thread. Right from Mela baby aaj kya khayega to an innuendo filled Tumhe, this very private conversation looked completely out of place on a social media platform.

Come on people, get a room already. Or a private chat group, at least. If public display of affection by couples is not nauseating enough, this new trend of suffocating the 'bae' with exaggerated digital display of love is all new level of absurd.

And it's not like that these couples are in a long distance relationship or forced apart by villainous families with their only source of communication--Facebook. On the contrary, these love birds meet every single day, some even live together. They can very well convey their feelings to each other, without involving the whole God damn world in their conversation.

But, before you belittle me for being a cynical, frustrated, single woman, who is just jealous of these much in love couples--let me tell you: I am committed too. But, never once during my courtship have I every embarrassed my partner with thwarting and inappropriate public messages.

There have been times when I have considered blocking half of my friend list, after finding pictures of entwined hands, half eaten heart-shaped brownie, a photo shopped picture of a couple in front of Eiffel Tower, and weird Valentine's Day gifts embellishing by Facebook feed.

I really don't understand why couples are so obsessed with sharing their private moments with the world. Man, who in their right mind clicks a picture of their matrimonial bed and shares it on social media? Trust me, I have had the pleasure (pun intended) to gawk at that too.

If couples by FDA (Facebook display of affection) are trying to feel romantically secure, it is clearly the wrong road to take. I wonder what would they do once they break-up? Spend an entire weekend deleting pictures, posts, tags, and mentions made by each other, maybe. Now, that's going to be nasty.

So, why not spare yourself the horror and abstain from FDA completely.

Second time lucky in love: A beautiful love story of Anupam Kher and Kirron Kher

This evergreen couple is a match made in heaven, a perfect combination of wittiness and sensibility! They are both such fine actors and performers. A shy Kashmiri boy fell for a patakha Punjabi kudi. We are talking about one of Bollywood’s most-loved couple, Anupam Kher and Kirron Kher.

After passing out from National School Of Drama, Anupam shifted to Mumbai, to make his mark in Indian Cinema. He got his break in 1982, two years after he met Kirron. Not many know that he was a married man when Kirron entered in his life. Take a look at their filmy love story to know everything about this ‘second time lucky’ couple.

Anupam's Dream Girl
Anupam Kher’s ideal woman was an Indian woman with long hair and a big, beautiful smile. She had to know how to take care of herself and carry herself well. He wanted to have a beautiful Indian woman that would make him fall in love all over again, every time that he saw her. He got his girl of dreams and married her!

Already Married
Both Kirron and Anupam were married, before they fell for each other. Anupam had an arranged marriage in 1979, but he was not happy in that relationship. Kirron was also married to a Mumbai-based businessman, Gautam Berry for five years (1980-85). They also had a son named Sikandar together.

How They Met
They both met in Chandigarh as they were both a part of Chandigarh Theatre Group. Anupam, whose marriage was going through a rough phase, found a confidante in good friend Kirron in 1980. They use to travel a lot together for various plays and shows. They were very good friends, but little did they know that their friendship would turn into romance one day. Kirron in one of her interviews shared about their friendship.

She said:
“We both were in theatre in Chandigarh, and we were the best of friends. There was nothing he did not know about me, and I knew everything about him, up to the extent of knowing which girl he was planning to patao. It was fun and we worked together well too. But there was no attraction of any kind beyond friendship.”

To get good acting offer, Kirron came to Mumbai in 1980 and met her first husband. After a few weeks of knowing him, she tied the knot with him in 1980. Talking about her first marriage to Gautam Berry and how love blossomed between her and Anupam, she said:
“Well, I came to Bombay, I married Gautam, and we discovered that the marriage was just not happening. Anupam too had been married, and that had gone wrong. He and I were still good friends, doing plays together. I remember, we were going to Calcutta for Nadira Babbar's play, he came looking different, his head was shaved, for some film he was doing I think. When he was leaving the room, he looked back at me, and something passed between us.”

The Feeling Called Love
Going through a rough patch in their personal lives and sharing a common passion for acting, the two fell in love, unknowingly. Anupam was the one who first expressed his feeling and went on to propose Kirron. Sharing the fond memories of the proposal, Kirron said:

“He came and knocked on my door, and said " I want to talk to you." He then said "I think I have fallen in love with you." And suddenly there was this immense, intense change, the chemistry exploded. I got a divorce and married him. He had nothing then.”

On a lighter note, she once said:
“We used to call Anupam the group’s opening batsman in college since he had several girlfriends and was very flirty. Sabko hasaa hasaa kar phasaa deta tha... mujhe bhi waise hi phasaya...we became friends first and before I knew it, I fell in love with my best friend.”

Different Backgrounds And Marriage
Coming from two different backgrounds (Anupam is a Kashmiri and Kirron is a Punjabi), were things any different between the two? Kirron said:
“Yes, they were very different. I was from what you call landed aristocracy. We were big zamindars, my father was in the army, there were uncles in the Administrative and Foreign services...you get the picture? My sister and I played badminton for India with Prakash Padukone and his peers and my sister was an Arjuna Award winner. I was an all-rounder through school and college.”

She further added:
“Anupam came from a very happy family, his father was a clerk in the Forest Department in Shimla, but he went home only during the holidays to Srinagar where the rest of his Kashmiri Pundit family lived. His parents were very fun loving, lovely people.”

After an intense proposal from Anupam’s side, the two fell heard-over-heels in love with each other. After giving divorce to their respective partners, the couple tied the knot in 1985. It was a private ceremony that took place in Gurgaon and all their common theatre friends were present there.

Life After Marriage
The initial years of their marriage were full of happy times as the entire family travelled together. Kirron and their son Sikandar use to accompany him for his shoots abroad. Kirron shared her travel experiences, saying:
“The first ten to fifteen years we just travelled together everywhere. Sikandar -- my son from Gautam -- was still a baby, so all theatre work stopped for me. Sikandar was from a broken home, and I wanted him to be spared any trauma, did not wish him to feel rudderless. He went with us everywhere. He went with us on Anupam's shoots, his shows with Amitabh Bachchan abroad. Those were great days for Anupam, and we sailed along with him basking in the glory.”

The Ups And Downs
Like any other marriage, they also saw some ups and downs in their marriage. They faced financial crisis when Anupam turned producer and borrowed some hefty amount from industry people. To recur the borrowed amount, Kirron started working again in Bollywood and became a pillar of strength for her husband. Â Remembering the tough days, Kirron said:
“It was terrible. Anupam started his entertainment company, and he would produce for tv... But he expanded it too quickly. He told me his plans. I told him, 'Don't do it…' and so he stopped telling me. He hid from me the fact that he borrowed heavily to produce many shows simultaneously. Then, without warning eight of his shows were off the air in one month. TV bosses changed, the money did not come in for months. We were in a financial mess. And his own career was at a low, he was being typecast in wretched comedy roles. I had to start working in earnest for money.”

Talking about how positively Anupam handles everything, Kirron stated:
“I think he was very stressed. It was a dramatic change from the sunshine he had enjoyed. He was however very positive. I think he is somewhere between an optimist and an ostrich.  He wanted to be made to feel good all the time. So I was the one to make him believe all was well. He continued to have his life, and I was left holding the baby!”

Overcoming The Negativity
The couple saw a rough patch in life and after facing all the problems together, they came out shining bright. But, did these problems strain their relationship in any way? Kirron said:

“It did. But I learnt a lot. I call a spade a spade, I am very straight, don't mince words. He does not like criticism, so when I told him what he had done wrong, he could not take it. He likes to be liked and loved, he takes criticism as being not loving. But I am a wife, not a concubine, to keep saying you are the best...so there was a strain.  I realised this trait about him much later in life.”

Explaining Anupam as a husband, she once said:
“He is all about himself. Very driven, does not give any time at home. He has never taken a day off, not even a Sunday, August 15 or January 26. Even the night of the flood, he just spent in his office.”

Talking about how romantic her hubby Anupam is, she once said:
"He used to be very romantic. He was the most romantic man I ever met in my life... and listening to songs, he would sing them to me rather than listening to them."

She also said:
“Dekho, romance toh over a time does fizzle out... but till date he’s as loyal to me as he was when we first fell in love, and that’s more than important.”

When Things Went Wrong
After Kirron started working again, she got a lot of offers from big banners, post Devdas. She was becoming very successful as an actor with each film and on the other hand, Anupam was not getting much work. She was even earning more than Anupam and it really irked him at one point. Sharing Anupam’s feelings and behaviour at that time, Kirron said:

“My first commercial films was Devdas. Then all the big banners that he had worked with signed me on, and he was not working with any of them. It hit him then, but I was so busy, I did not realise it. He missed the drug of being on top, of being popular. He would laugh and crack a joke about my work. He would ask: "How much did you get paid?" I was getting paid much more than he got, because times had changed, and also I am very particular about the contract. It made me realise he was reacting to my success.“
There were a few years in their 32 years of marriage when things were not good between them as a couple. Talking about those years, Kirron said:

“Yes, three or four years in the middle were very bad, but it made me stronger, taught me to live with myself, travel alone. It was a lot of pain, but luckily it solved itself.”
Well, Kirron is definetly a very strong woman who knew how to handle rough days in her marriage.

Marriage Of Opposites
She dresses to impress everyone around and he is much more casual in his style. She came from a well-off family, and he was from a middle-class background. The two are complete opposites and we think this is what keeps the spark in their marriage. Kirron also thinks that theirs’ is a marriage of opposites. She said:

“But we are total opposites... I’m a control freak and the organised one whereas he’s the calm and forgetful one. I’m always fighting with him when he forgets to put the toothpaste cap back on or when he forgets to close the bedroom door.”
She further added:

“He is such a bechain buti, he cannot sit still, he will walk about, go from one thing to another, make a call...I am much calmer. Then the other differences: he needs to sleep immediately after dinner, while I like to read, unwind. He will say put off the light. Luckily now I have all my reading on my ipad, and don't need the light.”

Despite all the odds, the couple shares a warm bond with each other. They are friends before husband and wife. They know how to keep their 32 years of marriage alive, even after so many ups and downs. Kirron even once said that in marriage, one learns to find solutions. We agree with Kirron! We wish this amazing couple a life full of happiness and love, may they grow old together!

(Source: Bollywood Shadis)

The great Indian marriage is dead

The great Indian marriage is dead. The carcasses are still lying around the urban landscape and have not been cleared yet. Nobody has a clue what to do about the death of this mighty institution. But the beast that has replaced it has driven fear into the heart of the Indian man.

This beast is quite biased towards women, quite like King Kong had a soft spot for Ann Darrow. How can anyone forget the scene where King Kong picks her up and holds her under the waterfall and loving looks at her while she takes a shower?

What will the woman do with this beast? She will tame the beast and make it her pet and then what? The Indian man will become a plaything for the woman, much like she was for centuries when the great Indian marriage was still well flourishing. Of course, the pati parmeshwar, a translation of which means the husband God, is still struggling with his fall from grace. But he needs to recover quickly from his dethronement from the throne of invincibility.

Not only has he fallen, but also lies completely exposed. He has gone from being a powerful God to being a mere mortal whose failures are exposed to counsellors and best friends alike. He has nowhere to hide. And in many cases he gets booted out for not being competent enough or emotional enough or supportive enough.

But the Indian man may not become completely redundant if he decides to break through the paradigms that he is familiar with. He too can be a part of the new world order, if he manages to evolve fast enough that is. This will be as difficult as learning a new language after the age of 35. It basically means he will have to go against his conditioning.

First, he will have to lose his sense of entitlement. This is probably the hardest step. The Indian man is born with a great sense of entitlement. It is in his DNA and it is the primary reason why he is in this pathetic state.

In the New Age marriage, he has no exclusive privileges or rights for just being a "husband". A husband is no more synonymous with worship or indemnity. And to accept this, the man has to do something he has never had to do before. He has to look at it as a marriage of equals. Where his wife can do to him what he can do to her. This is a new equation that he will have to quickly learn.

Another problem the Indian man will have to figure out is how he is going to reinforce the balance in the marriage. He always had the scales tipping for him, as he was the sole breadwinner. But when that is taken away from him the scales go completely awry. And they tip dangerously towards women.

When a woman earns as much or more than her husband and runs her home like clockwork, why does she need him? The Indian man has to answer this question. Not a comfortable one. A marriage is all about give and take. And the woman has no reason to stay if she gives way more than she gets. And the age-old answer of "I-am-the-breadwinner-and-can-do-what-I-like" doesn’t cut it anymore.

But there is a solution to this mess. And it is actually quite a simple solution. From what I have gathered from most stories that I have collected over the years from friends and strangers, what changes drastically from the honeymoon period to the later years of marriage is the sex. Men become lazy and the sex becomes unsatisfactory. But say there is a marriage where the sex is great (I have only encountered one such case in the many people I have spoken to) why would the woman have reason to complain.

If the husband is giving her attention in the bedroom, it is likely that she will forgive him most of his failures and stay with him.

Again his sense of entitlement makes the Indian man a poor lover. He only looks at his own pleasure and not that of his wife. She is there to please him. He is by nature, a taker and to be a great lover you have to think of your partner and her pleasure and be ready to give. He has to work hard in this department. Women are harder to please than men and a little bit of effort will go a long way in keeping the wife satisfied.

There is an interesting point to be made here. The greatest lover we have in Indian literature is Devdas, who was so self-absorbed that he could barely see beyond his own misery. We don’t have a Don Juan in Indian literature. Strangely, where Indian literature has no great lovers, mythology is abundant with them. Krishna was supposed to be an irresistible lover – who charmed milkmaids and princesses alike and had them swooning. Have we as a culture lost its passion along the way? It’s possible.

But it shouldn’t be too hard for the men to relearn the art of loving and sex. After all we come from the land of the great Kamasutra, which has 101 positions to experiment with. Of course he will have to also work at being fit because these positions are impossible to pull off with a paunch. This would actually be good for him, as it seems that he is the unhealthiest specimen on the planet.

He absolutely needs to pleasure his wife or he is on his way to joining the congress in becoming extinct.

Some men have already understood this new version of the Indian marriage and have seamlessly moved into this operating system. But most men are struggling and they don’t have a clue about what’s going on.

The Indian wife can be kind and nurturing, but in her new empowered avatar she can be ruthless when she is unhappy. And if you can’t make her happy she will throw you on the bus headed for divorce land.

I feel quite sorry for the Indian man. But he had it coming and he had a long time to be prepared.

(Source: Daily O)

Sword to kill a mosquito?!

After my hubby said one of his family members is eager to crush/kill me like a fly/mosquito with his/her boots, I laughed heartily remembering a Panchatantra story, The Foolish Friend, which I used to hear in our childhood. 

The power given to wrong hands can bring disasters to the very person who has given them. In this case, my hubby had fought with me to buy a pair of boots/shoes nine years ago to that person. And now, unable to face the truth, that person is eager to crush/kill me under the same boots! 

I’m sure all of us have heard that Panchatantra story at some or the other stage in our lifetime. As another year comes to an end, it’s that time to remember the story. Hope you guys will enjoy and laugh as much as I did!   

Once upon a time there was a king who had a monkey as his pet. He kept him constantly close at hand for his amusement. Everybody knows that parrots, partridges, doves, rams, monkeys and such creatures are a king's natural companions.

It goes without saying that the monkey, fed on the various dishes that the king gave him. He grew large and was given respect by all who surrounded the king. Indeed, the king, due to his love and exceeding trust of the monkey, even gave him a sword to carry!

In the vicinity of the palace, the king had a grove artfully planted with many trees of various sorts. Early in the springtime, the king noticed how beautiful the grove was. Its blossoms exuded a magnificent fragrance, filling the whole atmosphere with love. Thus overcome by love, he entered the grove with his favorite wife. He ordered all his servants to wait for him at the entrance.

After having pleasantly strolling through and observing the grove, he grew tired and said to his monkey, "I want to sleep a little while in this arbor of flowers. Take care that nothing disturbs me!" Having said this, the king fell asleep.

Meanwhile, a mosquito flew up and lit on his head. Seeing this, the monkey thought angrily, "What is this? Am I to allow this common creature to bite the king before my very eyes?"

With that he proceeded to drive it away. However, in spite of the monkey's defense, the mosquito approached the king again and again. Finally, blinded by anger, the monkey drew his sword and struck down the mosquito with a single blow. However, the same blow also split the king's head.

The queen, who was sleeping next to the king jumped up in terror. Seeing the crime, she said, "Oh, oh, you foolish monkey! What have you done to the king who placed such trust in you?"

The monkey explained how it had happened, but thereafter he was shunned and scorned by everyone. Thus it is said, "Do not choose a fool for a friend, for the king was killed by a monkey."

And after that incident, I feel, "It is better not to give power to the wrong person, even if it's your own family member!"

I'm a housewife and this is exactly why I want to be single again

The way a man and his family treat a woman says it all. Like Bacha Khan said, "If you want to know how civilized a culture is, look at how they treat its women." Many men and their families treat their daughters-in-law like a shit. And no wonder, women, especially housewives yearn for freedom and very handful lucky get it also. Here's a story of a housewife, who is treated like a maid, rather say, worst than a maid and she's yearning to be single again. Read the below story originally published on AkkarBakkar,  

"YOU'RE A SHOE!"
"YOU'RE A SHOE!"
"WHAT IF I WANT TO BE A HAT?"

Have you heard of Johari window? Well, it’s a well-known management concept that helps one understand themselves better and in turn helps them nurture their relationships. The theory explores 4 dimensions:

a) Known to self but unknown to others.
b) Known to others but unknown to self.
c) Known to self and known to others.
d) Unknown to self and unknown to others.

I remember the day my husband explained this theory to me, we joked around how he loves making a ‘task list’ and scratching it off tasks every time he is done with a task and the joy that lights up his face after doing so. Though at that point of time, I didn’t take it very seriously but in hindsight, it made total sense to me; like this concept was made just for me, like the universe finally conspired and made me come face to face with Johari window.

The first dimension really bothered me. I really felt like an onion, every layer that was peeled off me revealed a new and unexplored one. There was so much about me that was known to me and unknown to others. Many a times I have given advice or said enlightening phrases that have amazed people but I hid under the garb of “Oh I read this somewhere”. Why you ask? Because I have been very conscious about how people perceive me and what runs through their heads when I say something useful and intelligent.

I've never got a chance to be in the driver’s seat of my own life. Earlier the steering was in my parents’ hands and now it’s in my husband’s.

I wish I could take the steering wheel in my hand, for once, so I could manoeuvre through the lanes of my passion, dreams and stay clear of all the ‘No's' I wish I had told people. Utopian thought, indeed.

I read a letter the other day that I had written to my brother when he was about to join college and after reading it, I literally wanted to send out a search party to retrieve the old, full of fire and aspirations 'me'.

The after-effects of that letter engulfed me and I wore a watch after a long time. I didn’t remove it for a whole day. I remembered my routine when I was working, I used to be up early, took a shower and dressed up every day. I went through my list of pending tasks, ate a hearty breakfast with hot tea and finally wore my watch. The flashback was over, the camera transported me back to reality and here I was. When I wore the watch, I felt like my time mattered, that I had a routine to keep up with.

It felt like I was doing something useful and more than anything else, the people who saw me would think that I must be doing something worthwhile. From a driven and unstoppable individual, I went on to become a housewife and a bored one at that.

When I tried explaining my misery to my husband, he rubbished it by saying, "Any routine is monotonous. Do you think I like going to office daily?" Well, he was right but I wasn’t heard. I wanted to scream my lungs out that day but couldn’t. I read a nihilist post that said, "Maybe the grass is greener on the other side because it’s fake." This made me laugh, gave me hope that there’s a lot more to someone’s journey than what meets the eye.

All my life, I have proved that I need someone to clean my mess so they were automatically given the right to dictate how I should be. My mother-in-law told me that if I didn’t read books and newspapers, I am going to sit at home forever. It felt like someone had ripped my heart out.

I love reading books and like to stay updated on current affairs but I wasn’t doing any of it. I wasn’t clearing interviews and I wasn’t getting where I thought I would be by the time I turn 23. My mother-in-law thinks the best job for me is to become Montessori teacher. Well, hello! I didn’t study Digital Media and Online Journalism and worked in several media organizations to end up teaching kids (I agree, every job is rewarding and wonderful but I didn’t want to be that. I wanted to be what I wished to be).

I want be a HAT, simply because I want that for myself. But now, it seems impossible. I am married and everything that I do will have a 'consequence'. Each day goes in thinking, "Why am I here?" "What am I doing?” These questions go into some sort of a black hole, I never get any replies. I have stopped dancing, I have stopped reading, I have stopped the occasional 'writing diarrhea' that I had, I have essentially stopped being myself. Is is too late for me? Or is it too early to think that it’s too late for me? No one seems to have an answer that will soothe me.

“Trust your truest truth.” A poignant advice by Cheryl strayed in her book, Tiny Beautiful Things. My truest truth is, I want to be free. I want to go back in time and reset few major decisions that had been taken for me. I want to be single and not ready to mingle ever again.

I want to venture out with my camera and make films on important people talking about important and unheard of things. I want to dance again, have a chat with my parents without having to worry that someone is waiting for my text or not, I want to sit and watch sitcoms with my brother and have midnight Maggi with him. I want to celebrate with my family by baking chocolate cake for finally clearing my backlog that stopped me from getting a degree.

I want to live again, just like old times, with fire in my heart and daydreams in my eyes.

7 annoying habits of a mother-in-law

Yes, her title is ‘mother’ but she possesses no quality of a mom. She is always conspiring against you with your husband and father-in-law. Your marriage with her son gives your mother-in-law the license to exploit you and to herself act like a queen. She is never contented with your work and looks for flaws in everything you do. Lets find out what evil genius Mummy-ji’s have in store for their unsuspecting daughter in laws.

MILs are very intrusive and many times childish in nature. Their troublesome nature is a great source of frustration for wives. Most wives who face this problem try to involve their husband for solving it. When the son requests her to change her behavior, she calls him messenger of the wife or joroo ka ghulam, whom she outranks. Following are some of the habits of MILs that can really ruin your happy life:

Maa Da Laadla
1. She pretends to be the most caring lady in your husband’s life.  She claims to be the only lady who loves and cares for him and believes that you take him for granted. Of course, she loves him but why does she have to have an edge over you? No comparisons, please!

2. She treats him like a small child. This one is really annoying. She calls him shona, baby, jaan, and what not. Even a wife would not call him with these names in front of others.

Daughter-In-Law=Servant
3. She eats after you eat, not because she cares for you but because she waits for you to cook and eat. She sits on table as if she is your guest and it is your duty to serve her. She inspects every work you do and chastises you if you put your feet up for five minutes.

Grandchild Monopoly
4. She pressurizes you every now and then to have a kid when you have already planned it for a later stage. If you have a child, then it’s already her property. She may not be able to manage him or her but still wants to keep him away from you.

Nosy Neighbour
5. She asks your husband and you a thousand questions before you go out for dinner, a function, shopping or anything.  She loves poking her nose in all your affairs. She is very possessive about her son and cannot see him enjoy his life with you. Some sense of insecurity is always haunting her.

6. She always advises you about respecting your husband. Well, that’s none of her business. When you don’t interfere in her personal life, why should she?

Financial Checks
7. She cribs when you shop for yourself. How can you waste money like this? You need to save for your family and future. You won’t even realize when she had already told your husband and father-in-law about your purchases.

(Source: India Opines)

Getting married is not an accomplishment

Three months ago, my then-boyfriend, Craig, got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. I cried with excitement. After all, it was a huge moment in my life that was exceptionally exciting, special, and celebration-worthy.

But is it an accomplishment? No.

Now that I have a ring on my finger, I can finally publicly share my opinion that would have sounded plain bitter coming from a girl sans ring. And being officially taken off the market has definitely not changed my stance: Getting engaged and married is not an accomplishment.

Ladies, before you angrily dismiss me, hear me out.

My frustration is this: It is 2016 and being popped the question is still more celebrated than academic and professional pursuits of women. Yes, college graduations and landing a great career and receiving wonderful promotions are all received with happiness from friends and family, but not even close to the same level of elation received when you announce that you are getting hitched. This is my experience, at least.

“It’s time for society as a whole to re-evaluate what aspect of women’s lives we put the most value on. “
I am so grateful for the excitement surrounding my upcoming marriage, however, I often wonder why the event of getting married is put on a higher pedestal than the true successes that come along with an education and career.

In the 1950s, women were primarily housewives and getting married was typically the end goal. Back then, being a wife is what defined a woman, so I can understand why finding your special someone was considered an accomplishment.

This is no longer the case, though. In today’s society, ladies are balancing much more than just finding a man.

Women are entrepreneurs, lawyers, teachers, CEOs, inventors, designers, researchers, writers, consultants and so much more. Women are going to college and then getting their masters and doctorate degrees. Women are endlessly working to climb up the corporate ladder. Women are key figures in our government. Women are changing the world with their innovation.

And while many of these women are married, they are definitely not solely defined by their last name.

In general I have noticed that I tend to be questioned much more about my relationship, engagement, or wedding than my job or related accomplishments. And, this didn’t just start in the last three months. It has always been the case that I was more likely to be asked “So, when are you getting engaged” or “How’s everything going with Craig” than “How’s your job going?” or “What have you been working on lately?”

I can’t blame anyone for being more curious about my relationship status than my career, as I too have been guilty of doing the same with other woman. After all, we are all taught through expertly crafted commercials and advertisements that it is of utmost importance for a woman to get a ring put on her finger.

Perhaps it’s time for society as a whole to re-evaluate what aspect of women’s lives we put the most value on.

“You don’t have to have a brain, drive or special skill set to get married. You just have to have a willing partner.”
In my opinion, getting married should never be put in a higher regard than the academic and professional successes that women work hard to attain. You don’t have to have a brain, drive or special skill set to get married. You just have to have a willing partner. However, getting into X school, graduating with Y degree, and landing Z job does require actual hard work.

That’s not to say that there is no accomplishment related to being married. I believe success comes into play not when the man gets down on one knee or when the couple stands at the altar and says “I do”, but rather when the husband and wife are able to weather through financial woes, illnesses, having kids, and the general stresses of everyday life. Staying together in an era when over 50 percent of marriages end in divorce is certainly an achievement.

Once again, I must reiterate that getting married is absolutely a huge event, and it’s so very exciting to find your “other half.” However, the ring is no longer what defines a woman. So, I urge you to be excited when your sisters, female co-workers, and best friends announce their marriage, but please be just as excited (if not more) when they land the management position, get their Master’s degree, or open their own business.

(Source: HuffPo)

History of Valentine's Day

Every February 14, across the United States and in other places around the world, candy, flowers and gifts are exchanged between loved ones, all in the name of St. Valentine. But who is this mysterious saint, and where did these traditions come from? Find out about the history of this centuries-old holiday, from ancient Roman rituals to the customs of Victorian England.

THE LEGEND OF ST. VALENTINE
The history of Valentine’s Day–and the story of its patron saint–is shrouded in mystery. We do know that February has long been celebrated as a month of romance, and that St. Valentine’s Day, as we know it today, contains vestiges of both Christian and ancient Roman tradition. But who was Saint Valentine, and how did he become associated with this ancient rite?

Did You Know?
Approximately 150 million Valentine's Day cards are exchanged annually, making Valentine's Day the second most popular card-sending holiday after Christmas.

The Catholic Church recognizes at least three different saints named Valentine or Valentinus, all of whom were martyred. One legend contends that Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men. Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. When Valentine’s actions were discovered, Claudius ordered that he be put to death.

Other stories suggest that Valentine may have been killed for attempting to help Christians escape harsh Roman prisons, where they were often beaten and tortured. According to one legend, an imprisoned Valentine actually sent the first “valentine” greeting himself after he fell in love with a young girl–possibly his jailor’s daughter–who visited him during his confinement. Before his death, it is alleged that he wrote her a letter signed “From your Valentine,” an expression that is still in use today. Although the truth behind the Valentine legends is murky, the stories all emphasize his appeal as a sympathetic, heroic and–most importantly–romantic figure. By the Middle Ages, perhaps thanks to this reputation, Valentine would become one of the most popular saints in England and France.

ORIGINS OF VALENTINE’S DAY: A PAGAN FESTIVAL IN FEBRUARY
While some believe that Valentine’s Day is celebrated in the middle of February to commemorate the anniversary of Valentine’s death or burial–which probably occurred around A.D. 270–others claim that the Christian church may have decided to place St. Valentine’s feast day in the middle of February in an effort to “Christianize” the pagan celebration of Lupercalia. Celebrated at the ides of February, or February 15, Lupercalia was a fertility festival dedicated to Faunus, the Roman god of agriculture, as well as to the Roman founders Romulus and Remus.

To begin the festival, members of the Luperci, an order of Roman priests, would gather at a sacred cave where the infants Romulus and Remus, the founders of Rome, were believed to have been cared for by a she-wolf or lupa. The priests would sacrifice a goat, for fertility, and a dog, for purification. They would then strip the goat’s hide into strips, dip them into the sacrificial blood and take to the streets, gently slapping both women and crop fields with the goat hide. Far from being fearful, Roman women welcomed the touch of the hides because it was believed to make them more fertile in the coming year. Later in the day, according to legend, all the young women in the city would place their names in a big urn. The city’s bachelors would each choose a name and become paired for the year with his chosen woman. These matches often ended in marriage.

VALENTINE’S DAY: A DAY OF ROMANCE
Lupercalia survived the initial rise of Christianity and but was outlawed—as it was deemed “un-Christian”–at the end of the 5th century, when Pope Gelasius declared February 14 St. Valentine’s Day. It was not until much later, however, that the day became definitively associated with love. During the Middle Ages, it was commonly believed in France and England that February 14 was the beginning of birds’ mating season, which added to the idea that the middle of Valentine’s Day should be a day for romance.

Valentine greetings were popular as far back as the Middle Ages, though written Valentine’s didn’t begin to appear until after 1400. The oldest known valentine still in existence today was a poem written in 1415 by Charles, Duke of Orleans, to his wife while he was imprisoned in the Tower of London following his capture at the Battle of Agincourt. (The greeting is now part of the manuscript collection of the British Library in London, England.) Several years later, it is believed that King Henry V hired a writer named John Lydgate to compose a valentine note to Catherine of Valois.

TYPICAL VALENTINE’S DAY GREETINGS
In addition to the United States, Valentine’s Day is celebrated in Canada, Mexico, the United Kingdom, France and Australia. In Great Britain, Valentine’s Day began to be popularly celebrated around the 17th century. By the middle of the 18th, it was common for friends and lovers of all social classes to exchange small tokens of affection or handwritten notes, and by 1900 printed cards began to replace written letters due to improvements in printing technology. Ready-made cards were an easy way for people to express their emotions in a time when direct expression of one’s feelings was discouraged. Cheaper postage rates also contributed to an increase in the popularity of sending Valentine’s Day greetings.

Americans probably began exchanging hand-made valentines in the early 1700s. In the 1840s, Esther A. Howland began selling the first mass-produced valentines in America. Howland, known as the “Mother of the Valentine,” made elaborate creations with real lace, ribbons and colorful pictures known as “scrap.” Today, according to the Greeting Card Association, an estimated 1 billion Valentine’s Day cards are sent each year, making Valentine’s Day the second largest card-sending holiday of the year. (An estimated 2.6 billion cards are sent for Christmas.) Women purchase approximately 85 percent of all valentines.

(Source: History)

Dear mummy and papa: I didn't know you got me married so I could stop being your daughter

Dear Mummy and Papa,

I write to you today, something I should have done a long time ago. It should not have been difficult for me to tell you how exactly I feel taking into consideration you have always encouraged me to be open and transparent with you. And that’s how I have always been, unlike my sister and brother who had separate lives of their own and were not as emotionally dependent on the both of you.

I was not obedient or I was never forced to do anything you wanted me to do. Though I was your child and you may have had plans and expectations out of me, you still let me do what I wanted. When didi got married, I remember you telling me how much you wanted each of your children to settle down in life like my sister. She was happy, married to an amazing loving family. When I fell in love in college, you knew it but you never asked me anything about it.

I remember overhearing a conversation papa had with you ma, where I heard you say that all this was normal and I should be able to make my own decisions. I was taken aback, I was so proud of being your child.

But when I was cheated on and was heartbroken and could not come to terms of being rejected by someone, no one asked me anything. I did not want you to ask me anything either, I was embarrassed. Embarrassed of my choice, embarrassed of compromising on my worth for someone who probably decided to play with my feelings because I gave him the gateway to.

Every time I questioned myself, I remembered the words you had said to me while I was still growing up. That I was precious to you, my future was precious to you, you would always be there and that kept me going.

That made me feel that I deserved all the happiness. You asked me to believe you blindly and I did. From being a brat and being someone who wanted things her way, I began to realize that maybe you both really knew what’s best for me and I believed you.

And then I got engaged, I was excited and full of hope. You promised me that he was the one and I would be happy. I trusted you, I was happy that all of you were relieved to see me get married.

An overweight girl like me was not easily acceptable in the arranged marriage market. But, this young NRI boy said YES.

I had all my hopes in this man. I wanted all my doubts to be cleared by my future husband. I trusted him to make me feel worthy of love. You both left immediately after the wedding was fixed to the US as didi needed you more, she was pregnant. But I often wonder, did it make me want you any less? Was your responsibility towards me over, now that there was someone else who was there in my life?

Excited about this new phase of my life, I tried my best to know this guy. I expected him to show as much as interest as I was showing in him. I was young, and surrounded by girls falling in love and I noticed the romance they were experiencing and I was missing that. I kept telling myself that it's an arranged marriage and probably he was mature since he was five years older than me.

I wish you had asked me how I felt about him instead of the many times you asked me to join the gym? I wish you had taken out ten minutes of your time and asked me if he made me feel loved instead of asking me from where I wanted to buy my engagement saree? I wish you had asked me if I felt comfortable with his parents instead of telling me to behave well and ladylike in front them.

I wish we had discussed about how a marriage was supposed to be instead of how the wedding ceremony was supposed to be. I still went on, despite my doubtful feelings hoping that you knew what is best for me.

I did everything to like this person and I got married. I was so excited, I had nothing to worry about . All I wanted was to fly to my new husband and conquer my future. As I was leaving, you again told me how happy you both were getting me married to this good boy, who was successful. And things turned sour.

On reaching there, his parents made my life a living hell. They demanded for gold. I refused and looked at my husband with hopes of protecting me, he did not. He never demanded it but he did not object either.

He knew his mother was wrong but instead of making it clear to her that I was his wife and I needed to be respected, he asked me to respect her feelings. When I fought with him and told him that this was "dowry", he felt hurt and tried to convince me that it was just transferring all the gold to her account for safe keeping. My world shattered in one minute.

I thought I was married into a progressive household, everything was a lie and I was a joke.

I called you and cried on the phone. I wish you had advised me to come back. I wish you had told me that this was not what I deserved. If you had just told me clearly that this is not how marriages work and had told me not to go through this s***, I would have come back. Instead, you told me you will talk to his parents and clear the misunderstanding.

You were shocked too, nothing of this kind had ever happened in our family. We were a progressive and a very open minded family. But what happened papa and ma? Was I not precious anymore? Was my marriage more precious than my well-being? Was my worth compromisable now? You brought me up with morals and principles and all of a sudden they were non-existent?

They insulted you and me and our entire family. Not once did you ask me to come back. You are my parents, did you not feel my pain?

What were you were waiting for papa and ma? Were you waiting for me to tell you and make my decision? Did I know any better? And even if I did, couldn't you have given me a gentle reminder of what I really was worth?

It has been four years now and I'm braver now to take my own decisions. What used to bother me four years ago does not bother me anymore. But you both have grown older. You both have become weaker.

In four years papa, I’ve seen you grow weaker mentally and physically and again, I can’t tell you how I feel for I fear the worst everyday. I never felt the need to hide anything from you unlike many other children who thought their problems might hurt their parents. But today I feel the need to. You were definitely not my best friends, or you were not those “cool parents” that one sees in movies. But I did expect you to guide me and correct me when I was doing anything wrong.

Your responsibility did not end when I got married. At least it shouldn't have. You were and will always be my parents. You should have known best. I never would have blamed you if you had just called me back. I knew you intended the best. But today, I blame you.

I blame you for letting me stay in this marriage after witnessing me slip into a depression, and becoming morbidly obese. I feel disgusted by the sight of myself, me not having a career for four years and most of all, me compromising myself and my self-respect every step of the way.

Papa? Ma? Do you remember the times you told me how amazing and unique my personality was. I am not that person anymore. I just exist without a purpose today. I was precious remember? I'm not anymore, not to you, not to my husband, and definitely not to myself.

I love you.

Your daughter.

(Source: AkkarBakkar)

Wife catches 'cheating husband' using iPhone app

A 33-year-old mother of two children found out about her husband's affair with another woman using 'find my iPhone' app.

According to the Daily Mail, Khadijah Bilal from Birmingham noticed a change in her husband following the birth of their second child. The couple got married in 2013.

The husband allegedly had stopped spending time with his family and would return home late. This made her suspicious.

In order to know the truth about her husband she logged on to the 'Find My iPhone' app with log in details she had from when she owned the phone. It helped her track her husband 10 miles away from home.

The woman also hired a detective for £190 to track which house he visited. Finally, the husband was found visiting a multi-occupancy home.

 "I had to prove to myself, to my family and to his family what he was doing. I also had to have it confirmed for myself, for my own sanity," Daily Mail quoted her saying. 'I outsmarted him. He thought he was so clever getting away with it, but he wasn't."

(Source: Khaleej Times)

Dear my could-be in-laws, I won't marry your son and I'm not sorry

Dear my (could be) In-laws,

I won’t marry your son and I am not sorry.

I won’t marry him because I know there would be this new rule for me to get up early. I don’t sleep for long hours and I am responsible enough to take care of the people around me but then there will be this sword hovering over me every morning that won’t let me have a sound sleep. Plus, I won’t have my mother around who'd let me sleep for longer hours on some (just SOME) days. But dear mom-in-law, won’t you judge me for that?

I won’t marry your son because I will be expected to cook everyday.

You know what, I love to cook. Yes, I love to experiment with new cuisines and making the family members happy comforts my soul. But will you spare me on the days when my experiments go wrong? Like my dad, who never made faces even if the salt was a bit too much on some days. Dear husband, will you mind cooking on the days of my periodical backache?

I won’t marry because I am scared. On the days when I feel low, dear mom-in-law, will you allow me to sleep with my head in your lap? I have this habit of being all touchy-feely with my mum because only that makes me feel better.

Would you even care to ask, “What’s wrong?”

Oh, that makes me scared. So unwanted. I don’t expect to be pampered but at least a little care and love. Damn, I would be shifting to a family with a completely new set of people. Can you even imagine what I feel?

I won’t marry your son because I have this habit of speaking the truth. No, not the sugar-coated truth.

This, in no way, means that I am rude but you must be aware that the truth is not always sweet and despite my mum telling me all the time to learn to be quiet, I just couldn’t help it. Would you still bear with me dear mom-in-law? Or will you be discussing ‘me’ with the entire clan?

Yes, that makes me anxious.

No, I won’t marry because you grown ups still don’t know that it is completely okay to carry your own utensils. I can do it for you occasionally but don’t you think it is MY duty to pick up your dirty plates! Even the thought of it makes me angry. You must have been taught by your parents — “do your own work”. And yes, there is something called a ‘sink’ in case you are used to throwing everything around.

I won’t get married to your kid because I can’t share food. It scares the hell out of me when I see couples having meals on the same plate. I will love you but food will always be my priority. But yes, I can love you more if you offer me a piece of brownie with vanilla ice cream just after my afternoon nap.

I won’t marry because I can’t think of giving up on my dreams. How little or how big is not the question. My dream is the reason I breathe.

Since I know priorities change after marriage, how can I wilfully suffocate my dreams to death? Even if I do it for you, darling, believe me, you will be living with a whole new person who is not me. It is a nightmare for me to die with my dreams unfulfilled.

I won’t get married. Even if I accept you all, will you ever accept me as one of your own? Or will there always be a line, most probably created by the ‘daughters’ of the house? After all I would be the ‘daughter-in-law’.

I won’t marry your son because I know when I love, I love with all my heart and I’m sure my heart will be taken for granted.

Now that I have expressed it all, I hope you don’t judge me. Or you do?

Having said that, there is something that gives me a sinking feeling. I am sure, everything that looks like torture from a distance may be a crazy journey.

Listen. I love being crazy.

Just help me do it all for you out of love and not at a gunpoint. Just know that I am a free bird. Yes, I love to fly but I won’t do it on somebody’s instructions.

That's it.

Yours (could-be) truly,
Daughter-in-law.

(Source: AkkarBakkar)

Marriage in India is not about happiness, it's about how much the bride can give up

"I don't want this vacation," said my girl friend.

This was followed by an anxious WHY from me, very surprised that I was.

"I wait for these 15 days the entire year with a hope that this year I would be allowed to spend most of my time with my parents but what I get is just 3 or 4 days. Hope it could be reversed, hope things would change."

I could see the pain in her eyes, a pain of being deprived of her basic rights. But her desire to bring in a change was subdued by the fear of losing her husband's love and her in-laws' compassion.

And trust me when I say I could very well comprehend the reason. Recently I have come across quite a few girls who've told me that they stopped visiting their hometowns during festivals because they are "not allowed" to spend time with their own families, the ones who love them unconditionally.

One thing I strongly detest about Indian marriages is this. Marriages in our country aren't about happiness and contentment of both husband and wife, it's about how much a woman can compromise and mould herself to be happy in her NEW HOME.

We spend our lives standing on a measuring scale, the more our sacrifices weigh, the better wives we are.

For a girl, specially for the ones like me, who don't want to conform to the age old societal norms, parents are always our first preference and the place where they live is what we would still like to call HOME. Getting married doesn't change one's identity — we are the daughters first and everything else later. But most Indians aren't blessed with this wisdom. If we are expected to give utmost importance to our husbands and their families then our commitments and duties should be treated equally.

Love and respect, in any form, has to come from within and can never be imposed. And a married woman in India is victimised for no fault on her part - her aspirations are never esteemed, her wishes not granted, and her individuality not respected.

I have always been vocal about this, which makes me an 'amoral woman' since I want us to stand up for our most basic rights and change this grim Indian culture. So I am mostly greeted with derision and disrespect by our fellow women folks. Most of them are happily and readily making this sacrifice in the name of being responsible WIVES rather than WOMEN. I just can't fathom the consequences it follows.

If you are willing to sacrifice your parents for others, aren't you teaching the same to your daughter?

The two old people, who succeeded in raising a sensible and strong woman need us now, when they are both physically and mentally weaker. Isn't it our duty to give them our maximum time and support instead of trying to portray some pseudo love and peace in the family? If your husband loves you, he will definitely know your duties towards your parents and let you be with them in times of need.

If he has the right to spend his entire vacation with his parents, why is a wife not allowed to do the same? Was his upbringing different in any way than hers? Did his parents make more sacrifices and hers made less? Then why do we need permission to visit our parents? Is this what GENDER DISCRIMINATION feels like?

The thought that I am not performing my duties well and depriving them of the support they need, makes me feel ashamed of myself, my own values, and my integrity. And with no offence intended,

I would like to add that the women who have happily and proudly accepted it and don't feel the need to change at all are probably the best wives but definitely not very responsible daughters.

I have also come across parents who refrain their daughters from visiting them often. And as much as I love and respect their views, I really don't understand what lessons are they passing on to their girls?

One moment they teach them to take care of their parents and the next moment they are taught to sacrifice them for others. They aren't very sure of what they actually want and hence this uncertainty leads to all sorts of paradoxes in life.

How many of you feel it's wrong? How many of you feel the need to change it? How many of you are willing to stand up for yourself, for your parents, for your rights? Very few of us are blessed with in-laws who understand this need of girls and thus support them. But majority of us are suffering silently. Unless all of us unite and act in congruity, nothing is going to change anytime soon. The ones who dare to go against their husbands and take this step are being criticised and their upbringing condemned.

It pains me to see this plight of Indian women. We are so used to accepting wrongs that standing up for the RIGHTS looks like the scariest thing to us.

I wish it changes someday, soon, and we see a new light! I wish our parents are not left alone and unwanted when what they deserve is only love and care. I wish we realise that no relationship can ever be maintained at the cost of another.

I wish we believe in ourselves and be a model in honesty and rectitude.

(Source: AkkarBakkar)

How it feels to be a 30+ single woman trying for an arranged marriage in India

I am a 30+ single girl and I've spent the past 4 years trying to find a groom for myself.

I've met more than 100 guys. Some are totally confused and some are super excited to get married. When you talk to a person, there's something you get to know about him or her. Honestly, I tried a lot to understand a guy's perspective when it comes to marriage. I failed.

Let me tell you, it's difficult to find love in an arranged setting. It's funny, because it's like going on a blind date to find your life partner. I was the unfortunate one who fell in love once. The guy got married long time ago. First, it took me around 1.5 years to get over him and to start afresh. Then I had to listen to a few aunties and uncles telling my parents,

"Your daughter is too old for our son, we are looking for younger, immature girls."

Did they just say immature? Yes they did, for their son who was 34+. The expectations of a guy's family are berserk — first they want an "immature girl" for their son and then they want the girl to become a mature lady overnight.

Few parents also said to my parents, "Itna kyu padha dia aapne apni beti ko, dekhiye mushkil to hoga aapko. Itna nahi padhaate to shayad abhi tak shaadi ho jati." Suddenly, with these statements, the number of years a girl's studied are equal to the number of years she wasted for marriage.

Another uncle said to my parents, "Is your daughter really 56 kgs, she looks a bit fat no?" That was officially the funniest thing I had heard coming from a prospective groom's father. Uncle, did you notice your son's balding head yet or no? Poor guy is not finding any girl because of your silly questions!

But trust me, elders are much better than the boys who need to get married. Here are a few idiots I met and what they said:

"I will marry you only if you drink along with me."

"I will marry you only if, you know, I have that feeling for you. For that, I might need to take you to bed before I decide." These include a few IIM graduates.

He comes to meet you, orders everything he wants on the menu without asking for your preference. And then he suddenly gets a phone call, attends that for 20 minutes, comes back and says sorry, says "You ask questions" and when you ask something, he says, "My cab is here!"

Meeting for the first time, asks you, "Where would you go for your honeymoon?"

Loves talking on the phone but when you come in front of him, he goes "Mummmyyy".

"Our kundalis don't match yaar."

"Just had a break up in Feb, March my mom and dad asked me to meet you. I really like you but I can't proceed till I get over my ex."

Many many more to add to this list but I am sure, girls may have faced worse than this.

But men seriously, what do you want? A girl? Her money? Her looks? Her skills in bed? I mean how do you judge a girl who you meet in such a setting?

I am really confused!

(Source: Akkarbakkar)