Showing posts with label society. Show all posts
Showing posts with label society. Show all posts

Friday, 11 February 2022

Your work is not your god: Welcome to the age of the burnout epidemic

The reason why so many of us are at the end of our rope? We allowed work to be what gave our lives meaning.

The rich are irrational when it comes to work. Out of everyone in our society, they have the least need to earn more money, but they work the most.


Billionaire tech-industry titans brag about their hundred-hour work weeks, even though their labor isn’t what boosts their companies’ stock prices and enriches them further. Americans with advanced degrees have the highest average earning power, but typically work more and spend less time on leisure than people with less formal education. The children of rich parents are twice as likely to have summer jobs as poor kids are. And many older American professionals with plenty saved for retirement keep showing up at the office.


I am irrational too. I earned a middle-class salary as a tenured college professor but became increasingly exhausted by and frustrated with the work. Eventually, I quit. Even though teaching played a leading role in my burnout, I felt so aimless without it that, less than two years later, I became a part-time adjunct instructor making just a few thousand dollars a course, a fraction of what I had made before. I needed structure in my days. I needed to exercise my hard-won pedagogical skills. Above all, I needed someone to count on me to show up and do a decent job.


All of this is evidence that we don’t only work for the money. Many people – volunteers, parents and starving artists among them – don’t get paid at all for their labor. Even workers who aren’t rich, who really do need every cent of their paycheck, often say there’s more than money at stake. They’re doing their jobs for love, or service or to contribute to a collective effort.


Worsening labor conditions, including more emotional intensity and less security than mid-20th-century work, only tell half the story of why burnout is so prevalent in our society. Burnout is characteristic of our age because the gap between our shared ideals about work and the reality of our jobs is greater now than it was in the past.


Textile mill workers in Manchester, England, or Lowell, Massachusetts, two centuries ago worked for longer hours than the typical British or American worker today, and they did so in dangerous conditions. They were exhausted, but they did not have the 21st-century psychological condition we call burnout, because they did not believe their work was the path to self-actualization. The ideal that motivates us to work to the point of burnout is the promise that if you work hard, you will live a good life: not just a life of material comfort, but a life of social dignity, moral character and spiritual purpose.


‘According to the modern work ethos, dignity and purpose are available to workers if only they engage with their jobs.’ Photograph: Malte Mueller/Getty Images/fStop



I wanted to be a professor because my own college professors seemed to be living the good life. They were respected, they seemed to be people of good judgment, and their work had the clear and noble purpose of gaining knowledge and passing it on to others. I knew virtually nothing of their lives outside the classroom, or the private demons they battled. Two of my mentors were eventually denied tenure and had to find new jobs. A third died of a heart attack a few years after taking on a major administrative role.


I made no connection between their misfortune and my own career prospects. How could I? I was blinded by my trust in the American promise: if I got the right kind of job, then success and happiness would surely follow.

This promise, however, is mostly false. It’s what the philosopher Plato called a “noble lie”, a myth that justifies the fundamental arrangement of society. Plato taught that if people didn’t believe the lie, then society would fall into chaos. And one particular noble lie gets us to believe in the value of hard work. We labor for our bosses’ profit, but convince ourselves we’re attaining the highest good. We hope the job will deliver on its promise, and hope gets us to put in the extra hours, take on the extra project and live with the lack of a raise or the recognition we need.


Hard work is arguably what American society values most. In a Pew Research Center poll conducted in 2014 that asked people about their personalities, 80% of respondents described themselves as “hardworking”. No other trait drew such a strong positive response, not even “sympathetic” or “accepting of others”. Only 3% said they were lazy, and a statistically insignificant number identified strongly as lazy.


We all know that more than a few of us are genuinely lazy. Think about your co-workers. How many of them are slackers? And how many of them would say they’re anything but? By and large, we aren’t all laboring diligently all day, straining over our reports and sweating through meetings with clients. Rather, we say we’re hardworking because we know we’re supposed to think of ourselves that way.


According to the modern work ethos, dignity, character and purpose are all available to workers if only they engage with their jobs. Employee engagement is also supposedly good for the bottom line. Gallup, which surveys workers on engagement, describes engaged workers in heroic, even saintly terms:


Engaged employees are the best colleagues. They cooperate to build an organization, institution, or agency, and they are behind everything good that happens there. These employees are involved in, enthusiastic about, and committed to their work. They know the scope of their jobs and look for new and better ways to achieve outcomes. They are 100% psychologically committed to their work. And, they are the only people in an organization who create new customers.


“One hundred per cent psychologically committed to their work.” Who is like that?


About a third of US workers are, according to Gallup. To managers who accept the survey’s findings, the two-thirds of workers who are not engaged are a serious problem. One business writer claims that disengaged employees cost employers an additional 34% of their salary through absenteeism and lost productivity. Another describes them as “silent killers”. Gallup warns that unproductive, complacent workers might even be lurking, unnoticed, in upper management. The actively disengaged will even destroy others’ time and accomplishments. “Whatever the engaged do,” Gallup asserts, “the actively disengaged try to undo.” In short, they are villains, bent on undermining our heroes’ mission.


Such rhetoric is not just laughably absurd; it’s also inhumane. The fact is, American workers are more engaged than those in every other rich country, by Gallup’s own measure. Their level of engagement may indeed approach the human limit. (In Norway, the engagement rate is half the level it is in the US, and yet Norwegians are among the richest and happiest populations on earth.)


But here’s another way to look at the issue: a worker who is unengaged with work is not necessarily suffering from burnout. She might simply have found a way to keep her ideals for work in line with the reality of her job, possibly by keeping her expectations for work relatively low. If she is only 80% psychologically committed to the job but is nevertheless reasonably competent, then one has to ask: what’s the problem?


What about those of us who genuinely feel fulfilled by their work? Some of my friends who are doctors, editors and even professors work hard, love their jobs, and flourish. Some professions, such as surgery, seem to promote flourishing more than others. Although all physicians are prone to burnout, surgeons receive not only some of the highest salaries of any workers but also high job satisfaction and high levels of meaning. When they step back and think about what they do, surgeons ought to feel good about their work.


Engagement is not about stepping back, though. It’s about immersion. When performing a procedure, surgeons do work that lends itself to the experience of “flow”. As the late psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi described them, people in flow states shut out the world and their own bodily needs, forgoing food and sleep as they do something that seems good for its own sake. It’s a state of engagement that video game designers try to foster, because it makes the game hard to quit.


Csikszentmihalyi, though, thought flow occurred most readily at work. In his book Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience, Csikszentmihalyi pointed to a welder named Joe Kramer as an example of the “autotelic” personality – that is, someone who readily gets into a flow state at work, which then becomes an end in itself. Though Joe only had a fourth-grade education, he could fix anything in the railroad-car plant where he worked. Joe personally identified with broken equipment in order to repair it. Because Joe made the tasks of his job into an autotelic experience, his life was “more enjoyable than that of people who resign themselves to life within the constraints of the barren reality they feel they cannot alter.”


Joe’s co-workers all agreed he was irreplaceable. His boss claimed the plant would top the industry if he just had a few more guys like Joe. Despite his rare talent, Joe refused promotions.


The system that gives esteem to engaged employees also creates anxiety only quelled through working more intensively


The promise of greater productivity without greater cost: that’s why engagement and flow are such appealing concepts to management in the postindustrial age. Employees are a liability, according to current business doctrine. 


Hiring another one is risky. So why not see if you can get a little more effort out of the ones you already have? And why not convince them, through surveys and workshops and airport-bookstore bestsellers, that if they commit themselves totally to their jobs, they will be happy? More than that, they will, like Joe Kramer, be numbered among the blessed, the communion of work saints.


In 2022, it is hard for any worker to know if they have the value Joe had to his employer. Good workers can be let go with little warning, if management’s favor turns against them. The system that gives esteem to engaged employees also creates anxiety only quelled through working more intensively. The cure is also the poison. To calm our anxiety, we work too much without adequate reward, without autonomy, without fairness, without human connections, and in conflict with our values. We become exhausted, cynical, and ineffective.


Work anxiety is built into capitalism. That’s a key premise in Max Weber’s 1905 book, The Protestant Ethic and the Spirit of Capitalism, which still perfectly captures the mindset that sustains our work ethic today. Weber shows how European Protestants created a mode of thinking about money, work and dignity that we, to this day, cannot escape. It is our “iron cage”.


The Protestant ethic, Weber argues, derives from the theology of John Calvin, the sixteenth century Christian reformer noted for his doctrine of predestination, which means God chooses, or “elects”, some people for salvation, with the rest destined for eternal death. Only God knows who has been chosen and who hasn’t, but humans understandably want to find out.


Good works, in Calvinist theology, cannot earn you salvation, but they can be signs of election. That is, God’s elect will perform good works as an outgrowth of their blessed status. So if you are curious about your election, examine your actions. Are they saintly? Or sinful?


To gain assurance of your election, then, you need to know you are being productive, enriching yourself and your community through labor.


Weber saw capitalism as “a monstrous cosmos”. In his view, capitalism was an all-encompassing economic and moral system, one of humanity’s most marvelous constructions. We who live in the system can rarely see it. We take its norms for granted, like the air we breathe. Everything you do, from going to the “right” preschool to laboring in a productive career to receiving medical care on your deathbed, you do because somewhere, someone thinks they can make money from it. The capitalist cosmos imposes a choice on you: adopt its ethic, or accept poverty and scorn.


As an academic, Weber was not involved in industrial commerce. But he was nevertheless as caught in the iron cage as any businessman. Prior to writing The Protestant Ethic, he spent five years dealing with “nervous exhaustion”. He went through several cycles of intense teaching and research, followed by physical and mental collapse, treatments, and leaves of absence to restore him. Then he would go back to work, and inevitably his condition would deteriorate.

His wife, Marianne, later wrote that during this time he was “a chained titan whom evil, envious gods were plaguing”. 


He was irritable and depressed and felt useless; any work, even reading a student’s paper, became an unbearable burden. He ultimately took a two-year leave of absence from his university, after which he resigned and became an adjunct professor, loosely attached to academia, at age 39.


I’m no Weber, but I take personal encouragement from his story. His professional collapse was not the last word. After he quit his job, he undertook his most influential work.


Secular, 21st-century residents of wealthy countries don’t worry much about whether we’re God’s elect. But we’re still trapped in the Calvinist cage. We are anxious to demonstrate to potential employers, and to ourselves, that we are work saints. Like divine election, this type of status is an abstract condition that we cannot assign to ourselves, but one we hope others will recognize.


When our status anxiety wells up, we reach back into our culture’s religious heritage for a balm: hard, disciplined work. For example, Tristen Lee, a millennial-generation British public-relations worker, tells a too-familiar story of how long hours, lack of sleep, no real time off, and excessive rent keep her in the grind. “I throw my absolute heart and soul into” work, she writes. “I am so obsessed with reaching some notable level of success and hitting my financial targets, that I’ve forgotten how to actually enjoy life.” Lee says she feels as if she has “something to prove – but to who?” To herself, Weber would say.


Lee’s experience is the 21st-century echo of 16th-century Calvinist theology. She has internalized the all-seeing judgment of a society that values her only insofar as she works, so she feels a need to assure herself of her worth. 


But there can never be enough assurance; in the present-day work ideology, your accomplishments matter less than your constant effort toward the next accomplishment.


“What is the end result?” Lee asks. “When does the constant agonizing stop? At what point do we reach satisfaction in life and think ‘fuck yeah, I’m really proud of what I’ve achieved and how far I’ve come’?”

Well, never. That’s what it means to be in an iron cage.


(Source: The Guardian)


Friday, 28 January 2022

The people deciding to ditch their smartphones

 In a world where many of us are glued to our smartphones, Dulcie Cowling is something of an anomaly - she has ditched hers.

The 36-year-old decided at the end of last year that getting rid of her handset would improve her mental health. So, over Christmas she told her family and friends that she was switching to an old Nokia phone that could only make and receive calls and text messages.


She recalls that one of the pivotal moments that led to her decision was a day at the park with her two boys, aged six and three: "I was on my mobile at a playground with the kids and I looked up and every single parent - there was up to 20 - were looking at their phones, just scrolling away," she says.


"I thought 'when did this happen?'. Everyone is missing out on real life. I don't think you get to your death bed and think you should have spent more time on Twitter, or reading articles online."


Ms Cowling, who is a creative director at London-based advertising agency Hell Yeah!, adds that the idea to abandon her smartphone had built up during the Covid lockdowns.


"I thought about how much of my life is spent looking at the phone and what else could I do. Being constantly connected to lots of services creates a lot of distractions, and is a lot for the brain to process."


One study suggests we spend almost five hours a day on our smartphones. Getty Images


She plans to use the time gained from quitting her smartphone to read and sleep more.


About nine out of 10 people in the UK now own a smartphone, a figure broadly replicated across the developed world. And we are glued to them - one recent study found that the average person spends 4.8 hours a day on their handset.


Yet for a small, but growing number of people, enough is enough.


Alex Dunedin binned his smartphone two years ago. "Culturally we have become addicted to these tools," says the educational researcher and technology expert. "They are blunting cognition and impeding productivity."


Mr Dunedin, who lives and works in Scotland, says another reason behind his decision was environmental concerns. "We are wasting exponential amounts of energy producing exponential amounts of CO2 emissions," he says.


He has become happier and more productive since he stopped using a smartphone, he says. Mr Dunedin doesn't even have an old-fashioned mobile phone or even a landline anymore. He is instead only electronically contactable via emails to his home computer.


"It has improved my life," he says. "My thoughts are freed up from constantly being cognitively connected to a machine that I need to feed with energy and money. I think that the danger of technologies is that they are emptying our lives."


Lynne Voyce, a 53-year-old teacher and writer from Birmingham, has moved in the opposite direction - she started using a smartphone again last August after a break of six years.


She says she was reluctantly compelled to buy one again due to having to deal with QR codes in restaurants, and so-called Covid passports, plus making it easier to keep in touch with one of her daughters who lives in Paris.


But she plans to give up it up again, if she can. "After the pandemic, and when Ella [her eldest daughter] isn't living abroad, I might try and give it up again. It sounds like an addiction, doesn't it?"


When Ms Voyce first abandoned her smartphone back in 2016 it was to help encourage her daughters to reduce the time they spent on their handsets.


"They were glued to their phones. I thought the only way to stop it was to get rid of my own phone. And it made all the difference.


"For example, we'd got to a restaurant, and they would no longer see me pick up my phone."


Not having a smartphone "took a lot of pressure off my brain" she says, "I didn't feel like I had to instantly answer things or be available when out".


Yet, while some worry about how much time they spend on their handset, for millions of others they are a godsend.

"More than ever, access to healthcare, education, social services and often to our friends and family is digital, and the smartphone is an essential lifeline for people," says a spokesperson for UK mobile network Vodafone.


"We also create resources to help people get the most from their tech, as well as to stay safe when they're online - that's hugely important."


However, Hilda Burke, a psychotherapist and author of The Phone Addiction Workbook, says there is a strong link between heavy device usage and relationship issues, quality of sleep, our ability to switch off and relax, and concentration levels.


"Many people have a constant drip feed of requests coming their way via their device, many with a false sense of urgency.


"They feel unable to lay boundaries down, with the result that they feel compelled to check their emails and messages last thing at night and first thing in the morning."


If getting rid of your smartphone seems too much but you are concerned that you spend too much time on it, there are other measures you can take to reduce your usage.


While it might initially seem counterintuitive, more apps are emerging to curtail mindless scrolling.


For example, Freedom lets you temporarily block apps and websites so you can focus more. And Off The Grid enables you to block off your phone for a certain time period.


Ms Burke says it would be useful if more people monitored how much time they spend on their smartphone. "Starting to realise exactly how much time you're frittering away each day on your phone can be a powerful wake-up call and catalyst for change."


She also advises carving out short periods when you have your phone switched off or left at home, and gradually increase the wait period till you check it again.


Finally, she recommends choosing an image or a word that represents what you would rather be doing - if only you had more time - as your phone's screensaver.


"Considering most of us check our phones 55 times per day and some of us even 100 times, this is a great visual reminder of a more valuable way to spend your precious time," she says.


(Source: BBC)

Thursday, 13 January 2022

American parents are way too focused on their kids’ self-esteem

 Our over-the-top efforts to ensure that kids feel valued and adored can actually make them feel inept.

For two kids who share so much of their DNA, my children couldn’t be more different in their displays of self-confidence. My 7-year-old recently got toothpaste on her dress while brushing her teeth, and in response, she burst into tears, dropped to the floor, and rolled around screaming, “I’m the worst person ever!” My 10-year-old, however, acts as though his knowledge already surpasses that of Albert Einstein. Whenever we point out that he’s wrong about something, he disagrees, as if the number of moons orbiting Jupiter is a matter of opinion. Sometimes I wonder if my daughter’s self-esteem is too low and my son’s is too high. How important is having the right amount of self-esteem? Does the right amount even exist?


As an American parent, I’ve always assumed that having a healthy amount of self-esteem is crucial for my kids’ well-being. Once that’s secure, the thinking goes, everything else will just fall into place. This idea is such a given that when I was researching my book, How to Raise Kids Who Aren’t Assholes, one of my good friends—also a parenting journalist—advised me to make my first chapter about self-esteem.


But as I dug into the research, I learned that many American parents have been woefully overvaluing and misunderstanding the concept. Having healthy self-esteem does not ensure that kids will fare well or stay out of trouble. And although self-esteem is a tricky concept to study, research suggests that the steps parents take to foster self-esteem in their kids often have the paradoxical effect of undermining it. Our over-the-top efforts to ensure that kids feel valued and adored can actually make them feel inept—whereas intentionally exposing our kids to disappointment and failure, which so many parents are loath to do, can give children a satisfying sense of self-efficacy.


Christopher Anderson / Magnum


For decades, Americans have been a little obsessed with the concept of self-esteem, a measure of how much confidence and value people feel they have. In 1986, the governor of California, George Deukmejian, signed legislation that created the Task Force to Promote Self-Esteem and Personal and Social Responsibility, which concluded that boosting Californians’ collective levels of self-esteem would lower rates of crime, teen pregnancy, drug abuse, welfare dependency, and school underachievement. The task force’s final report referred to self-esteem as a “social vaccine” that is “central to most of the personal and social problems that plague human life in today’s world.”


That’s a bold statement, based on a bold assumption that the U.S. is suffering from an ongoing epidemic of low self-esteem, and that this deficiency is dangerous. You’ve probably heard that teens with low self-esteem are more likely than other kids to be depressed, to be anxious, to drink, to do drugs, and to commit crimes. This is all true. But what might come as a surprise is that the inverse of this statement is not also true. High self-esteem is not a panacea against all things bad, and kids with high self-esteem often make bad choices too.


“It’s unclear, actually, just how important self-esteem may be in terms of predicting healthy outcomes,” says Grace Cho, a developmental psychologist at St. Olaf College, in Minnesota, and the co-author of Self-Esteem in Time and Place: How American Families Imagine, Enact, and Personalize a Cultural Ideal. “The literature is actually really kind of messy and mixed.” In an exhaustive review of the research literature, the Florida State University social psychologist Roy F. Baumeister and his colleagues concluded that “raising self-esteem will not by itself make young people perform better in school, obey the law, stay out of trouble, get along better with their fellows, or respect the rights of others.”


Healthy self-esteem cannot be universally essential for another reason too: It is largely an American construct. Many other countries, including Japan and China, do not give self-esteem much, if any, consideration (some languages don’t even have a word for it). “Even in very modern societies, cultures that we think are very similar to ours don’t necessarily view self-esteem with the same set of ideals that we do,” Cho told me.


America’s obsession with self-esteem makes evaluating and encouraging it difficult and messy. U.S. parents often have a hard time estimating how much self-esteem their children have. “It’s a really complex construct in our day-to-day lives,” Chris Barry, a developmental psychologist at Washington State University, told me. For instance, some American kids (and adults) with low self-esteem outwardly project confidence in an attempt to appear self-confident. On top of that, parents tend to overestimate their children’s self-esteem—perhaps both because kids are adept at hiding their issues, and because parents assume that healthy self-esteem is crucial and desperately want to believe their kids are doing fine.


Parents also try to boost their kids’ sense of self-worth in the wrong way, through effusive praise. One survey found that 87 percent of U.S. parents believe that children need praise to feel good about themselves. But research conducted by Eddie Brummelman, a psychologist at the University of Amsterdam, suggests that praise can sometimes have the opposite effect. When parents give kids with low self-esteem what he calls “inflated” praise—such as saying “Oh, that is incredibly gorgeous!” to a kid who just made a stick-figure drawing—their self-esteem drops even more. Brummelman theorizes that when kids with low self-esteem hear inflated praise, they interpret it as pressure to continue performing exceptionally. They then launch into self-protection mode and end up doubting their ability more. (On the flip side, other research suggests that when we make our kids feel like the center of the universe all the time, we also increase the chance that they will grow up to become narcissists.)


Praising kids specifically for their ability or smarts—which parents do when they say things like “You’re so smart!” or “You’re such a great artist!”—can also pose problems. Research by the Stanford University psychologist Carol Dweck has shown that this kind of praise, compared with praising kids for their effort, increases the chance that kids will buckle in the face of setbacks and have deflated feelings of self-worth. They begin to question the ability they were told they had. Over time, they come to think of ability as a fixed trait—not something that can be cultivated with practice.


American parents today are also quick to protect their kids from disappointment and failure. We give participation trophies when kids don’t win first place; we fly into the school to deliver kids’ forgotten homework. But these well-meaning interventions backfire because a child with healthy self-esteem is a child who has learned, through experience, that he can overcome obstacles and disappointment. He’s had the opportunity to fail and has discovered that failing doesn’t preclude him from being loved.


When I asked Dario Cvencek, a cognitive psychologist at the University of Washington Institute for Learning and Brain Sciences who studies self-esteem, to describe to me what children with healthy self-esteem act like, he said that they’re often kids who are willing to accept a new challenge or work longer on challenging tasks. Perhaps that’s because they have had to do so before, and they have learned that perseverance through disappointment pays off. Martin Seligman, the director of the University of Pennsylvania’s Positive Psychology Center, has argued that “by cushioning feeling bad, it has made it harder for our children to feel good.”




What should parents do to foster healthy self-esteem in their kids? We should stop obsessing over the concept, because it is probably not the be-all and end-all that we think it is. According to Cho, research has shown, for instance, that many East Asian children score low on traditional self-esteem measures, but that they rarely suffer from psychological problems or do poorly in school as a result. This suggests that “self-esteem is just one thing in a myriad of practices that parents can engage in that could help children thrive,” Cho said. We’re not going to ruin our kids by not focusing on it—and we might even help them, given that our approaches for boosting self-esteem are often counterproductive.


We should also be careful about showering our children with indiscriminate praise. Instead, we should be more honest in our appraisals—not by shaming kids or putting them down, but by giving them feedback that is commensurate with their effort. Tell your kid that you like their off-key singing, but don’t tell them it’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever heard. When we praise our kids, we should encourage their efforts, rather than celebrate them for their achievements, abilities, or smarts. And we should let them experience hardships. When kids face adversity and get through it, they learn that they are loved unconditionally and that failure is not a sign of ineptitude, but an opportunity to learn, grow, and come to believe in themselves.


This post is adapted from Wenner Moyer’s recent book, How to Raise Kids Who Aren't Assholes.


(Source: The Atlantic)

Thursday, 25 November 2021

Why are we still uncomfortable with the idea of widows finding joy and meaning in life?

I was around eight-nine years old, when my grandfather’s sister arrived from Mangalore. She towered over me, despite her stoop, her grey-blue eyes resting kindly on my face, her knobbly fingers stroking my cheeks. There was something different about this figure clad in a rough muddy red nine-yard sari and a white blouse, with elbow-length sleeves and buttons that reached her throat. I noticed her bare arms, neck and ears, which was unlike the other women in our house, whose ears flashed diamond earrings, whose necks were adorned with a mangalsutra and whose wrists made music as the gold bangles they wore clinked together. It was when the sari pallu covering her head slid down her neck that I noticed her shaven head. I remember gasping almost audibly, though she was quick to pull it back over her head.

Never having seen a woman with a shaved head before, my spontaneous reaction was to ask my mother why grandma wore her hair so short, only to be shushed into silence. Mother’s eyes conveyed that I was never to speak about it again. I must have appeared rude to the grandma, as I watched her from the corner of my eyes wondering why she wore the same muddy red sari and white blouse every day, till I saw one set spread out on the clothesline and another on her body, and realised that it was her ‘uniform’. It was when an older friend who had came home to play with me remarked, ‘Oh, your grandmother is a vikesha, just like my Sumati Ajji, who lives in our village,’ did I realise that there were other women like her. Varsha told me that vikeshas were women without hair; whose heads were shaved when their husbands died. ‘My Ajji too wears the same sari,’ she said. I remember snuggling up to grandma several times a day, wanting to hug her, an inexplicable sadness enveloping me.




My mother was widowed at 23, and I had heard how, when some relatives had approached her to remove her mangalsutra and wipe her forehead, a beloved, firebrand elderly relative, ‘Ba’ to the young and old, had stepped forward like a warrior, her hands on her hips, daring anyone to do that. She was a rebel, way ahead of the times, and sensitive enough to stop the cruel practice. When I was older, mother told me how Ba had commanded, ‘Go, take a bath and leave the rest to me.’ When mother had come out of the shower, Ba had dried her hair, braided it, and adorned it with a fragrant mogra gajra, applied a red kumkum tikka on her forehead and insisted that she wear a printed floral sari. Such was Ba’s vehemence that none dared to oppose her diktat. Mother had the support of her parents too, who encouraged her gently to complete her graduation, appear for qualifying exams and take up a job in a bank.


Not all women are so fortunate. I remember a widow shrinking back, as I applied haldi kumkum on her forehead, as I did, to the other women accompanying her, and then being admonished for my ‘blunder’. From that day onwards, I stopped following the custom that is followed in some homes, of applying haldi-kumkum (reserved only for a sumangali– a married woman whose husband is still living) while taking leave of women guests. I did not want to be party to this discrimination. I also stopped conducting the haldi-kumkum ceremony to which only sumangalis are invited. Blindly following prescribed customs that blatantly marginalised a few revolted me, and I realised that being vigilant, questioning and taking concrete steps, however small, were fairly effective forms of protest.


When I got married, mother refused to ‘give me away’. Despite the liberalism she was exposed to, her mind was so conditioned that as a widow she was unlucky, her fears made her resolute. My cajoling had no effect on her. The family opined that it was her comfort that mattered. One of my regrets is not knowing her mind before the ceremony, for had I the slightest inkling, I would have opted for a registered marriage. I have seen several other widows in the family shrinking away from performing religious rites. Nobody seems to mind, so deep-rooted is its acceptance.


A few things have certainly changed. Widow remarriage is no longer as taboo as it was. Education and financial independence have ensured that widows do not have to toe the line of regressive customs, at least in urban areas, though I say this more out of observation than any statistics at hand. We still hear stories of unwanted attention and ill-treatment at the hands of family members. Though we have come a long way from the horrendous practice of Sati, we need greater humanitarian strides if we are to speak of the true empowerment of widows. The plight of the widows of Vrindavan, driven out of their rightful homes, and living in penury and loneliness, comes to my mind, as also that of widows around the world who are ostracised or branded as witches.


It’s time we acknowledged that a bereaved woman going through the emotionally wrenching event of losing her life partner does not need a misogynist code of social conduct that disarms her. All she needs is a way forward to lead a highly meaningful and joyous new life.


(Source: She The People TV)

Thursday, 4 November 2021

ಟ್ಯಾಗೋರ್ ಕಾದಂಬರಿಗಳ ರೆಬೆಲ್ ನಾಯಕಿಯರು: ಲೈಂಗಿಕತೆಯ ತುಮುಲದಲ್ಲಿರುವ ವಿಧವೆ ಬಿನೋದಿನಿ

ಟಾಗೋರರ ನಾಯಕಿಯರು ಚಲನಚಿತ್ರಗಳಲ್ಲಿ ತೋರಿಸುವಂತೆ ಸೈಡ್ ಲೈನಿನಲ್ಲಿ ಬರುವುದಿಲ್ಲ. ಅವಳೇ ನಾಯಕ ಹಾಗೂ ನಾಯಕಿ. ಅವಳು ತನ್ನ ರಕ್ಷಣೆಗೆ ನಾಯಕನ ಆಗಮನಕ್ಕಾಗಿ ಕಾಯುವುದಿಲ್ಲ- ತಾನೇ ಹೋರಾಡುತ್ತಾಳೆ. ಅನುರಾಗ್ ಬಸು ನಿರ್ದೇಶಿಸಿರುವ ನೆಟ್ ಫ್ಲಿಕ್ಸ್ ಸರಣಿ 'ಸ್ಟೋರೀಸ್ ಬೈ ರಬೀಂದ್ರನಾಥ್ ಟ್ಯಾಗೋರ್' ಟಾಗೋರರ ಆಶಯವನ್ನು ದೃಶ್ಯರೂಪದಲ್ಲಿ ಪ್ರೇಕ್ಷಕನ ಮುಂದೆ ತೆರೆದಿಡುತ್ತದೆ.

ಮಂಡ್ಯ ಜಿಲ್ಲೆ ಮದ್ದೂರು ಮೂಲದ ಚೈತ್ರಾ ಅರ್ಜುನಪುರಿ ಸದ್ಯ ದೋಹಾ, ಕತಾರ್, ನಿವಾಸಿ. ವಿಜಯ್ ಟೈಮ್ಸ್, ಟೈಮ್ಸ್ ಆಫ್ ಇಂಡಿಯಾ, ಡೆಕ್ಕನ್ ಕ್ರಾನಿಕಲ್ ದಿನಪತ್ರಿಕೆಗಳು, ಮತ್ತು ಕತಾರಿನ ಅಲ್ ಜಜೀರಾ ಟಿವಿ ಚಾನೆಲ್ ನಲ್ಲಿ ಪತ್ರಕರ್ತೆಯಾಗಿ ಕಾರ್ಯ ನಿರ್ವಹಿಸಿರುವ ಅನುಭವ ಬೆನ್ನಿಗಿದೆ. ನೈಟ್ ಫೋಟೋಗ್ರಫಿ ಇವರ ಹವ್ಯಾಸ, ಗೀಳು. ಸಿಂಪಲ್ ಸಂಗತಿಗಳು ಇವರಿಗೆ ಖುಷಿ ಕೊಡುತ್ತವೆ.ಇವರ ಚಿತ್ರಗಳು ನ್ಯಾಷನಲ್ ಜಿಯೋಗ್ರಾಫಿಕ್ ಮತ್ತಿತರ ಜಾಲತಾಣಗಳಲ್ಲಿ ಪ್ರಕಟಿತವಾಗಿವೆ. ಪುಸ್ತಕ ವಿಮರ್ಶೆ, ಕಥೆ, ಲೇಖನ ಮತ್ತು ಪ್ರವಾಸ ಕಥನ ಬರೆಯುವ ಹವ್ಯಾಸವಿದೆ. 'ಚೈತ್ರಗಾನ' ಕವನ ಸಂಕಲನ, 'ಪುಸ್ತಕ ಪ್ರದಕ್ಷಿಣೆ' ಮತ್ತು 'ಓದುವ ವೈಭವ' ವಿಮರ್ಶಾ ಸಂಕಲನಗಳು ಪ್ರಕಟಿತ ಪುಸ್ತಕಗಳು.


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ಕೊರೊನಾ ಬಂದ ಮೇಲೆ ಜನರೆಲ್ಲಾ ನೆಟ್‌ ಫ್ಲಿಕ್ಸ್‌ ನ ಕಡೆಗೆ ವಾಲಿದ್ದು ಈಗ ಹಳೆಯ ಸಂಗತಿ. ದಿನಗಳೆದಂತೆ ಇದರಲ್ಲಿ ಪ್ರಸಾರವಾಗುವ ಚಲಚಿತ್ರಗಳ ಪಟ್ಟಿ ಬೆಳೆಯುತ್ತಿದ್ದರೂ, ಅದರಲ್ಲಿನ ಸರಣಿ ಕಾರ್ಯಕ್ರಮಗಳು ತಮ್ಮ ಆಕರ್ಷಣೆ ಕಳೆದುಕೊಂಡಿಲ್ಲ. ಇವುಗಳಲ್ಲಿ ಪ್ರತಿಯೊಂದೂ ನಾಲ್ಕೈದು ಕಂತುಗಳಾಗಿ, ಅದರೊಳಗೆ ಹಲವಾರು ಸಂಚಿಕೆಗಳನ್ನೊಳಗೊಂಡು ಪ್ರೇಕ್ಷಕರ ಗಮನವನ್ನು ನಿರಂತರವಾಗಿ ಹಿಡಿದಿಟ್ಟುಕೊಳ್ಳುವಲ್ಲಿ ಯಶಸ್ವಿಯಾಗಿವೆ. ಈ ಸರಣಿಗಳಲ್ಲಿ ಬರುವ ಕಥೆಗಳು, ಜರುಗುವ ಘಟನೆಗಳು ಎಲ್ಲೋ ಜನಸಂದಣಿಯಿಂದ ದೂರ, ಸಾಮಾನ್ಯರಲ್ಲಿ ಸಾಮಾನ್ಯರನ್ನು ನಾಯಕ ಅಥವಾ ನಾಯಕಿಯಾಗಿ ಮಾಡಿರುವುದರಿಂದಲೇ ಮನಸಿಗೆ ಬಹಳ ಆಪ್ತವೆನಿಸುತ್ತವೆ. 


ಹೆಣ್ಣು ಇಲ್ಲಿ ಬರಿ ಪೋಷಕ ಪಾತ್ರವಾಗಿಲ್ಲ

ನೆಟ್‌ ಫ್ಲಿಕ್ಸ್‌ ನ ಸಾಕಷ್ಟು ಸರಣಿಗಳಲ್ಲಿ ಸ್ತ್ರೀವಾದಿ ಪ್ರಜ್ಞೆ ಎದ್ದು ಕಾಣುವುದು ಇಲ್ಲಿ ಗಮನಿಸಲೇ ಬೇಕಾದ ಪ್ರಮುಖ ಅಂಶ. ನಮ್ಮ ದೈನಂದಿನ ಟಿವಿ ಧಾರಾವಾಹಿಗಳ ಹಾಗೆ ಅಥವಾ ಚಲನಚಿತ್ರಗಳ ಹಾಗೆ ಹೆಣ್ಣು ಇಲ್ಲಿ ನಾಯಕನ ಪಾತ್ರದ ಪೋಷಕಧಾರಿಯಲ್ಲ. ಇಲ್ಲಿ ಅವಳೇ ನಾಯಕ ಹಾಗೂ ನಾಯಕಿ. ಬಿಕ್ಕಟ್ಟಿನ ಸಮಯದಲ್ಲಿ ತನ್ನ ರಕ್ಷಣೆಗೆ ಆಕೆ ನಾಯಕನ ಅಥವಾ ಯಾವುದೇ ಪುರುಷ ಪಾತ್ರಧಾರಿಯ ಆಗಮನಕ್ಕಾಗಿ ಕಾಯುವುದಿಲ್ಲ - ತಾನೇ ಹೋರಾಡುತ್ತಾಳೆ, ತಾನೇ ಸಮಸ್ಯೆಯನ್ನು ಪರಿಹರಿಸಿಕೊಳ್ಳುತ್ತಾಳೆ. ಬಹುಶಃ ಇದೇ ಸ್ತ್ರೀವಾದಿ ಒಲವು ರವೀಂದ್ರನಾಥ್ ಟ್ಯಾಗೋರ್ ಅವರ ಕಥೆಗಳನ್ನು ಮತ್ತೊಮ್ಮೆ ಪ್ರೇಕ್ಷಕರ ಮುಂದೆ ತರುವಂತೆ ನೆಟ್ ಫ್ಲಿಕ್ಸ್ ಅನ್ನು ಪ್ರೇರೇಪಿಸಿರಬಹುದು. 


ಪಿತೃಪ್ರಭುತ್ವದ ವಿರುದ್ಧ ಬಂಡಾಯ

2015 ರಲ್ಲಿ ಮೊದಲ ಬಾರಿಗೆ ಬಿಡುಗಡೆಯಾದ ಟ್ಯಾಗೋರರ ಕಥೆಗಳನ್ನು ಆಧರಿಸಿದ 'ಸ್ಟೋರೀಸ್ ಬೈ ರಬೀಂದ್ರನಾಥ್ ಟ್ಯಾಗೋರ್' ಸರಣಿಯ ಮೊದಲ ಸೀಸನ್ ನಲ್ಲಿ ಟ್ಯಾಗೋರ್ ಅವರ ಅತ್ಯುತ್ತಮ 20 ಕಥೆಗಳಿಂದ ಆಯ್ಕೆ ಮಾಡಲಾದ 26 ಎಪಿಸೋಡ್‌ಗಳು ಪ್ರೇಕ್ಷಕರಿಗೆ ಈಗ ನೆಟ್ ಫ್ಲಿಕ್ಸ್ ನಲ್ಲಿ ರಸದೌತಣವನ್ನೇ ನೀಡುತ್ತಿವೆ. ನಿರ್ದೇಶಕ ಅನುರಾಗ್ ಬಸು ಈ ಸರಣಿಗೆ ಬಳಸಿಕೊಂಡಿರುವ ಎಲ್ಲಾ ಕಥೆಗಳೂ ತಮ್ಮದೇ ರೀತಿಯಲ್ಲಿ ಸ್ತ್ರೀವಾದಿ ಎಳೆ ಹೊಂದಿದ್ದು ಒಂದಲ್ಲಾ ಒಂದು ರೀತಿಯಲ್ಲಿ ಎಲ್ಲಾ ಎಪಿಸೋಡ್ ಗಳೂ ಮಹಿಳೆಯರು ಆ ದಿನಗಳಲ್ಲಿ ಹೇಗೆ ಅಸಹಾಯಕರಾಗಿದ್ದರು, ವರದಕ್ಷಿಣೆ ಆಧಾರಿತ ಪಿತೃಪ್ರಭುತ್ವದ ವಿರುದ್ಧ ಹೇಗೆ ತಮ್ಮದೇ ಶೈಲಿಯಲ್ಲಿ ಬಂಡಾಯವೆದ್ದಿದ್ದರು ಎನ್ನುವುದನ್ನು ತೋರಿಸುತ್ತವೆ. ಪುರುಷ ಪ್ರಧಾನ ಸಮಾಜದ ಹಿನ್ನೆಲೆಯಲ್ಲಿ ಚಿತ್ರಿಸಿದ್ದರೂ ಟ್ಯಾಗೋರ್‌ ರ ಮಹಿಳೆಯರು ವಿಭಿನ್ನವಾಗಿ ನಿಲ್ಲುತ್ತಾರೆ. ಇಲ್ಲಿ ಅವರ ಮುಂದೆ ಪುರುಷ ಪಾತ್ರಗಳು ಬಹಳ ದುರ್ಬಲವಾಗಿ ಕಂಡರೆ ಅಚ್ಚರಿಯೇನಲ್ಲ.


ಸರಣಿಯಲ್ಲಿನ ಕಥೆಗಳು

ತನ್ನ ಮೈದುನನನ್ನೇ ಪ್ರೀತಿಸುವ ಒಬ್ಬ ಏಕಾಂಗಿ ಗೃಹಿಣಿಯಿಂದ ಹಿಡಿದು ತನ್ನ ಲೈಂಗಿಕತೆಯನ್ನು ಅನ್ವೇಷಿಸಲು ಬಯಸುವ ಒಬ್ಬ ವಿಧವೆಯವರೆಗೆ ಟ್ಯಾಗೋರ್ ಬರೆದಿರುವ ಪ್ರತಿಯೊಂದು ಮಹಿಳಾ ಪಾತ್ರವೂ ನಿರಾತಂಕವಾಗಿ ಮುನ್ನುಗ್ಗುತ್ತವೆ. ಆ ಪಾತ್ರಗಳನ್ನು ಅಷ್ಟೇ ಸೊಗಸಾಗಿ ನಿರ್ದೇಶಕ ಪರದೆಯ ಮೇಲೆ ತಂದಿದ್ದಾರೆ. ಈ ಸರಣಿ ಟ್ಯಾಗೋರರ 20 ಕಥೆಗಳನ್ನು ಆಧರಿಸಿದ 26 ಕಂತುಗಳನ್ನು ಒಳಗೊಂಡಿದೆ: ಚೋಖೆರ್ ಬಾಲಿ (1903) - ಎ ಗ್ರೇನ್ ಆಫ್ ಸ್ಯಾಂಡ್; ಅತಿಥಿ (1895) - ದಿ ಗೆಸ್ಟ್; ಮಾನ್ ಭಂಜನ್ (1895) - ಫ್ಯೂರಿ ಅಪೀಸ್ಡ್; ಡಿಟೆಕ್ಟೀವ್ (1898), ಕಾಬೂಲಿವಾಲಾ (1892); ಷಷ್ಠಿ (1893) - ಪನಿಷ್ಮೆಂಟ್; ನಾಸ್ತಾನಿರ್ (1901) - ದಿ ಬ್ರೋಕನ್ ನೆಸ್ಟ್; ಖೋಕಬಾಬುರ್ ಪ್ರತ್ಯಬರ್ತನ್ (1891) - ದಿ ರಿಟರ್ನ್ ಆಫ್ ಖೋಕಬಾಬು; ಸಮಾಪ್ತಿ (1893) - ದಿ ಕನ್ಕ್ಲೂಷನ್; ಛುಟ್ಟಿ (1892) - ದಿ ಹೋಮ್ ಕಮಿಂಗ್; ತ್ಯಾಗ್ (1892) - ದಿ ರಿನನ್ಸಿಯೇಷನ್; ಸಂಪತ್ತಿ ಸಮರ್ಪಣ್ (1891) - ದಿ ಟ್ರಸ್ಟ್ ಪ್ರಾಪರ್ಟಿ; ದುಯಿ ಬೊನ್ (1933) - ಟು ಸಿಸ್ಟರ್ಸ್; ಸ್ತ್ರೀರ್ ಪತ್ರ (1914) - ವೈಫ್ಸ್ ಲೆಟರ್; ಅಪರಿಚಿತ (1916) - ದಿ ಅನ್ನೋನ್ ವುಮನ್; ಕಂಕಾಲ್ (1892) - ದಿ ಸ್ಕೆಲಿಟನ್; ಮುಸಲ್ಮಾನರ್ ಗೋಲ್ಪೊ (1941) - ದಿ ಸ್ಟೋರಿ ಆಫ್ ಎ ಮುಸ್ಲಿಂ ವುಮನ್; ಶೇಷ್ ರೋಖ್ಖ (1926-1929) - ಸೇವ್ಡ್ ಅಟ್ ಲಾಸ್ಟ್; ಮೊನಿಹಾರ (1989) - ದಿ ಲಾಸ್ಟ್ ಜಿವೆಲ್ಸ್; ದಾಲಿಯಾ (1892) - ದಲಿಯಾ.



ಸಂಚಿಕೆ 1- ಲೈಂಗಿಕತೆಯ ತುಮುಲದಲ್ಲಿರುವ ವಿಧವೆ ಬಿನೋದಿನಿ 

ಚೋಖೆರ್ ಬಾಲಿ - ಎ ಗ್ರೇನ್ ಆಫ್ ಸ್ಯಾಂಡ್: ರವೀಂದ್ರನಾಥ ಟ್ಯಾಗೋರರ ಬಂಗಾಳಿ ಕಾದಂಬರಿ ಚೋಖೇರ್ ಬಾಲಿ ಆಧಾರಿತ ಮೊದಲ ಕಥೆಯಿಂದ ಈ ಸರಣಿ ಪ್ರಾರಂಭವಾಗುತ್ತದೆ. ಚೋಖ್ ಎಂದರೆ ಕಣ್ಣು, ಬಾಲಿಯೆಂದರೆ ಮರಳಿನ ಕಣ. ಚೋಖೇರ್ ಬಾಲಿಯೆಂದರೆ ಕಣ್ಣಿನಲ್ಲಿ ಸೇರಿಕೊಂಡು ಬಹಳ ನೋವನ್ನು ಕೊಡುವ ಮರಳಿನ ಕಣ. ಸಮಾಜದ ಕಟ್ಟುಪಾಡುಗಳನ್ನು ಗಾಳಿಗೆ ತೋರಿ, ಅದರ ವಿರುದ್ಧ ಸೆಟೆದು ನಿಲ್ಲುವ ಯುವ ವಿಧವೆ ಬಿನೋದಿನಿಯ ಜೀವನದ ಸುತ್ತ ಕಥೆ ಸುತ್ತುತ್ತದೆ. 


ಆ ಕಾಲದ ಮಹಿಳೆಯರಂತೆ ಬಿನೋದಿನಿ ತನಗೊದಗಿದ ವೈಧವ್ಯವನ್ನು ಹಣೆಬರಹವೆಂದು ಮೌನವಾಗಿ ಸ್ವೀಕರಿಸುವುದಿಲ್ಲ, ತನ್ನ ಕನಸುಗಳನ್ನು ಕಾಪಾಡಿಕೊಳ್ಳಲು, ತನ್ನ ಹಕ್ಕುಗಳಿಗಾಗಿ ಹೋರಾಡುತ್ತಾಳೆ. ಒಂಟಿಯಾದ ವಿಧವೆಯ ಪಾತ್ರಕ್ಕೆ ಹೊಂದಿಕೊಳ್ಳಲು ಹಿಂಜರಿಯುತ್ತಲೇ ತನ್ನ ಸಂವೇದನಾಶೀಲ ನೋಟ ಮತ್ತು ಬಲವಾದ ಇಚ್ಛಾಶಕ್ತಿಯ ಸ್ವಭಾವದಿಂದಾಗಿ ಆಕೆ ಎಲ್ಲರ ಗಮನ ಸೆಳೆಯುತ್ತಾಳೆ ಮಾತ್ರವಲ್ಲ, ತನ್ನ ಲೈಂಗಿಕ ಮತ್ತು ಭಾವನಾತ್ಮಕ ಬಯಕೆಗಳಿಗೆ ದಾರಿ ಕಂಡುಕೊಳ್ಳುವ ಪ್ರಯತ್ನ ಪಡುತ್ತಾಳೆ. 


ತಾನು ವಿದ್ಯಾವಂತೆ ಹಾಗೂ ಬುದ್ಧಿವಂತೆ, ಹಾಗಾಗಿ ಇತರರ ಹಾಗೆ ಸಮಾಜದ ನಿರ್ಲಕ್ಷ್ಯವನ್ನು ಸುಲಭವಾಗಿ ಸಹಿಸಿಕೊಳ್ಳಲು ಸಾಧ್ಯವಿಲ್ಲವೆನ್ನುವ ಬಿನೋದಿನಿ ಕಥೆಯ ಕೊನೆಯಲ್ಲಿ, ಮಹಿಳಾ ಆಶ್ರಯದಲ್ಲಿ ವಾಸಿಸಲು ಪ್ರಾರಂಭಿಸಿ ಅಲ್ಲಿರುವ ಇತರೆ ವಿಧವೆಯರ ಪರಿಸ್ಥಿತಿಯನ್ನು ಸುಧಾರಿಸಲು, ಅವರ ಜೀವನದಲ್ಲಿ ಬದಲಾವಣೆ ತರಲು ತನ್ನ ಕೈಲಾದ ಪ್ರಯತ್ನ ಮುಂದುವರೆಸುತ್ತಾಳೆ.


(Source: Kannada Prabha)