Saturday 22 July 2017

Men, you don’t have to write “haha” at the end of statements

At the store haha. Folding my laundry haha. Took my dog for a walk today haha. Want to get a drink later haha. Did you watch the new “Game of Thrones” episode haha. Men are always communicating like this via text-based platforms haha. Why? haha. You don’t have to haha.

I don’t know why I’m feeling inclined to help men, particularly straight men, but once again I’m going to ask that they trust me about a technology-related subject because I am only trying to look out for them and also maybe provide a more pleasant experience for the women with whom they communicate and also I have never done anything to them in the past that would establish me as untrustworthy, so: you don’t have to and shouldn’t punctuate non-humorous statements, or questions, with “haha.”

You’re going to have to trust me on this because I know it seems crazy, but people aren’t going to think you’re desperate or weird or un-chill if you just say something without adding “haha” at the end for 100% no reason. In fact, people are probably noting your odd textual tic and thinking, “Why do all men have this weird tic?” And then they’re bringing it up in Slack rooms, and then they’re writing about it in a blog post on a popular webpage, and probably next they’re going to become incredibly successful monetarily. (Not to increase your obvious self-consciousness [not to be rude with my use of obvious].)

Here is an example of what I’m talking about:
Person 1: What’s up?
Man: Just at home haha

Hm? Excuse me? Hm, what? That you are at home is not funny. That you are at home is just a fact that is normal and fine. I understand you want to appear chill and don’t have the tools to appear chill in text so you have resorted to punctuating your statement with the onomatopoeia used for when something is funny but I’m going to have to give you this advice as a friend and confidant: don’t. :)

Here is another example:
Person 1: Did you have a good weekend?
Man: Yeah I went to the beach haha

I guess there are situations in which a report of one going to the beach could be followed with a “haha,” like maybe the message right before was the guy saying something like, “I’M NEVER GOING TO THE BEACH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate it! lol :)” Then it would be a little funny if he went to the beach that weekend. But otherwise it seems like a normal thing to go to the beach and I would like to give you permission to say it plainly, without the security blanket of “haha.” You went to the beach. Own it, my friend. :)

(Is my use of the smile emoticon to end my otherwise perhaps too-harsh-seeming paragraphs a similarly unnecessary tic that I should drop in order to “own” what I have written? Hm. Please don’t talk back to a woman while she is trying to give you advice.)

Speaking of friends, I asked my friend Jon, who is an admitted “haha” typer himself (“Oh boy do I do the ‘haha’ thing A LOT,” he said.) and who is also a good person whom I love, why men write “haha.” This is what he said:

“I think that it’s generally a way of coming off as ‘chill’ about basically everything. It’s kind of like adding ‘like y’know whatever,’ the notorious Lisa Simpson quote, to the end of the sentence. With the example you gave, the ‘haha’ also adds a little more to the conversation. ‘Just at home’ and other stuff like that are short and abrupt responses, so adding that ‘haha’ might lighten the answer to make the sender sound more present in the conversation. Texting is hard/weird.”

Jon is right — texting is hard/weird. And I am not unfeeling. And I love Jon, he is a very good friend of mine. But. I do think you don’t have to say “haha” at the end of a non-humorous statement for no reason, like some weirdo. You can just say the thing.

(Source: The Hairpin)

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