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Sunday, 26 February 2017

Dad writes heartbreaking tribute to wife who is carrying baby without brain to term

An Oklahoma father paid tribute to his pregnant wife’s selflessness in a beautiful viral post.

On Feb. 17, Royce Young posted a photo of his wife, Keri, on Facebook. The photo shows Keri, who is seven months pregnant with their second child, sleeping peacefully on their couch.

In the long caption, Royce explained why his wife is so inspiring to him and shared the tearjerking details of this pregnancy.


The other night, before I left for New Orleans, I was watching my beautiful wife sleep peacefully on the couch.

I looked at her laying there, her belly big with our daughter kicking away, a daughter that won't live more than a few days, and it just overwhelmed me of how incredible this woman is. I'm a writer so when I'm feeling something, I tend to have to write it down. So I pulled out my phone and started writing what I was thinking. And I realized tonight sitting a thousand miles away in a hotel room, especially after meeting this awesome kid named Jarrius that's been everywhere at All-Star Weekend who needs a liver transplant, that instead of just keeping this one for me like I normally do, I should tell everyone else just how incredible Keri Young is. (I also miss her five seconds after I leave the house for a trip so I'm thinking about her all the time anyway.)

I thought back to the moment where we found out Eva wasn't perfect, and how literally 30 seconds after our doctor told us our baby doesn't have a brain, somehow through full body ugly crying, Keri looked up and asked, "If I carry her full term, can we donate her organs?" I remember our doctor putting her hand on Keri's shoulder and saying, "Oh honey, that's so brave of you to say." Like, how nice of you, but come on. Keri meant it. There I was, crestfallen and heartbroken, but I momentarily got lifted out of the moment and just stood in awe of her. I was a spectator to my own life, watching a superhero find her superpowers. In literally the worst moment of her life, finding out her baby was going to die, it took her less than a minute to think of someone else and how her selflessness could help. It's one of the most powerful things I've ever experienced. In the eight years we've been married (and 15 years together) I've had a lot of moments stop me in my tracks where I thought, "holy crap, this woman I'm married to, lucky me." But this one was different. It hit me that not only am I married to my very best friend, but to a truly remarkable, special human being.

This whole process has been rough, but I say that as someone watching from the bleachers like the rest of you. Keri has been in the trenches the entire time, feeling every little kick, every hiccup and every roll. She's reminded every moment of every day that she's carrying a baby that will die. Her back hurts. Her feet are sore. She's got all the super fun pregnant stuff going on. But the light at the end of her nine-month tunnel will turn into a darkness she's never felt before a couple hours or days after Eva is born. She's the one that is going to deal with all that comes with having a baby-- her milk coming in, the recovery process, etc, but with no snuggly, soft, beautiful newborn to look at to remind you that it was all worth it.

We made our choice to carry Eva to full term for a lot of reasons, but the first and foremost was to donate her organs. We don't say that to try and sound like great people or anything. It was just a practical endgame that in our minds, before we came to the realization Eva is alive and our daughter deserves to meet her mama and daddy, gave us a purpose to continue on. Donating was on Keri's mind from darn near the second we found out and while the experience of holding and kissing our daughter will be something we cherish forever, the gift(s) she's got inside that little body of hers is what really matters. Keri saw that almost instantly. That kid Jarrius wears a shirt that says "It Takes Lives To Save Lives." I couldn't stop thinking about that all day. There's another family out there hurting and hoping for a miracle for their baby, knowing full well someone else's baby will need to die first. Eva can be that miracle.

We're getting closer to the finish line, and while it's going to be amazing to run through that tape and meet Eva, it comes at a cost. We'll go to the hospital for a birth, and go home without a baby.
A lot of people say things like, "I wouldn't change anything" after a trying circumstance, but I'm not about to say that. I would definitely change this if I could. I want my daughter to be perfect. I want her to blow out her candles on her first birthday. I want to watch her bang her head on our coffee table trying to learn to walk. I want her to run up a cell phone bill texting boys. I want to walk her down an aisle. I want to change it all so, so badly. But I can't. This is our reality. And there's no stopping it.

Whenever Harrison gets hurt, or has to pull a bandaid off or something, Keri will ask him, "Are you tough? Are you BRAVE?" And that little boy will nod his head and say, "I tough! I brave!" I'm looking at Keri right now and I don't even have to ask. She's TOUGH. She's BRAVE. She's incredible. She's remarkable. She's cut from a different cloth, combining wit, beauty, courage, silliness, character and integrity into one spectacular woman. And somehow, she's my wife. Not that I needed some awful situation like this to actually see all of that, but what it did was make me want to tell everyone else about it.

Keri is pregnant with a baby girl, whom she and her husband have decided to name Eva. Tragically, the couple learned at their 19-week ultrasound that their daughter did not have a brain. Royce described that moment in his Facebook post.

“Somehow through full body ugly crying, Keri looked up and asked, ‘If I carry her full term, can we donate her organs?’ ... There I was, crestfallen and heartbroken, but I momentarily got lifted out of the moment and just stood in awe of her. I was a spectator to my own life, watching a superhero find her superpowers. In literally the worst moment of her life, finding out her baby was going to die, it took her less than a minute to think of someone else and how her selflessness could help. It’s one of the most powerful things I’ve ever experienced. In the eight years we’ve been married (and 15 years together) I’ve had a lot of moments stop me in my tracks where I thought, “holy crap, this woman I’m married to, lucky me.” But this one was different. It hit me that not only am I married to my very best friend, but to a truly remarkable, special human being.”

Royce, who writes about basketball for ESPN.com, noted in the post that he went to New Orleans for NBA All-Star Weekend and met an “awesome” kid named Jarrius, who needs a liver transplant. Royce said meeting Jarrius inspired him to post the photo of his wife and his thoughts about her strength.

“Keri has been in the trenches the entire time, feeling every little kick, every hiccup and every roll,” he wrote. “She’s reminded every moment of every day that she’s carrying a baby that will die. Her back hurts. Her feet are sore. She’s got all the super fun pregnant stuff going on.”

He added, “But the light at the end of her nine-month tunnel will turn into a darkness she’s never felt before a couple hours or days after Eva is born. She’s the one that is going to deal with all that comes with having a baby ― her milk coming in, the recovery process, etc, but with no snuggly, soft, beautiful newborn to look at to remind you that it was all worth it.”

Ultimately, Royce wrote, they take comfort in knowing that their daughter can be a “miracle” for another family in need of an organ donation for their baby ― just as Jarrius and his family are hoping for their own miracle.

Royce and Keri have a 2-year-old son named Harrison.

Royce and Keri also have a 2-year-old son named Harrison. “Whenever Harrison gets hurt, or has to pull a bandaid off or something, Keri will ask him, ‘Are you tough? Are you BRAVE?’ And that little boy will nod his head and say, ‘I tough! I brave!’” Royce wrote at the conclusion of his post.

“I’m looking at Keri right now and I don’t even have to ask,” he added. “She’s TOUGH. She’s BRAVE. She’s incredible. She’s remarkable.”

Royce’s post received over 9,000 likes. He told The Huffington Post he did not think anyone other than friends and family would read it and has been shocked and overwhelmed by the response.

The dad said he wrote it as a journal entry of sorts ― and a tribute to his wife. “I love her, and watching her courage and strength is just something that’s inspires me,” he explained.

“Keri, like me, is pretty private, and it’s hard to be vulnerable and expose your emotions,” he added. “But this is a unique situation, and throughout everything we’ve talked about trying to minimize regret. And I don’t want to look back years from now and think about how I missed an opportunity to tell people about how terrific Keri is handling this. We want to live in the present with this, and have something tangible to remember it with as we get older. “

Royce said he also wants to shed light on another aspect of reproductive freedom ― that “choice” does not exclusively refer to termination but can mean choosing to bring their baby into the world and letting her life save others.

“We love seeing the impact our little girl is having,” the dad told HuffPost, adding that parents love to talk about their kids and this is their chance to do that with Eva.

“We won’t get to brag about her grades or how pretty her hair is,” he said. “This is what we get to tell people about, and we want to take advantage of it.”

(Source: HuffPo)

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