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Friday, 13 January 2017

To my spineless husband: You're forcing me to cheat on you

I was married off when I was just 20 years old. I am 26 now and he is 34. Yes we are 8 years apart. As I am typing this I am wondering whom should I blame — is it my grand mom who brought in the alliance? Or my parents who didn't give a second thought to my age? Or me, because I agreed to do this? Finally, I realize it's just my fate.

Now I can either cry over what happened when I was very young or I can change my fate. The point is I was head over heels in love with the guy I finally married and he was too. But, it's not love till your wedding day is it? So I went through the big day also, only to spend many more years to think of a way of getting out of the hell I created for myself with my head help high.

The problem between me and him only started when I had my first miscarriage in December 2011. He introduced me to his real self then. As per my experience, I can say that he is a positive narcissist. I don't need any psychologists to prove that fact.

I'm writing this because I'm frustrated and I don't know how else to face him and tell him this. So, I'm penning down what I want to say to him right now.

My dear husband,
First of all, I should have left you long time ago. I should have left you when I had my chances. I should have left you when every one told me to. I really should have left you. I have given you numerous chances even though I have no reason to forgive you. Now that we have a 2-year-old, my chances are up and I'm stuck. Don't get me wrong, it is not that I can't leave you but now, I don't want to.

I don't want to be selfish, I don't want to take away a father figure from that innocent godly boy's life. Every time I see his face, I feel like crying thinking 'what have I done'. I don't want to gift him another narcissistic parent.

You have made me an emotionally destructive person, which in turn made me put on weight. You have turned me into a negative human being who no one wants to be around. This is not who I was. I was happy. I had a beautiful outlook to life. You ruined it all, I don't know why.

I am sick and tired of you whining. I am tired of you asking me to do "good work" like it's my job. What am I? Who am I? It feels like I'm your personal slave.

I do your work, look after your parents, and bare your child to get basically nothing in return. I hate it when you scold me in front of your parents. I'm not a child! Yes my parents haven't taught me any work but your parents forgot to raise their son as well! They forgot to teach you basic manners yet they give me tips on how I should bring up my son.

It's been a year and a half since we have been intimate with each other. I miss it. I miss being touched because I'm only human. We are living like roommates with your parents sleeping next door. Let me be honest with you now dear husband, I feel like cheating on you. But I'm so scared of the consequences.

You lock your phone thinking that I don't know who you are flirting with, I wish you were smarter than that. You go on bike trips with your friends leaving me behind alone. You have given me every reason to leave you or find someone else and yet I don't know what's stopping me.

Just for some self-satisfaction, tell me. Have you even given it a second thought to how I feel about all this? While you are vacationing at exotic locations, I am feeding and bathing your son and slogging my ass at home. You're forcing me to be in bed with another man when you're away but here I am, getting absolutely no pleasure.

But you know what, think of this time as a lull before the storm. Because, all this time I've spent alone, I've been making plans. Just know that I'm with you for my ultimate revenge.

The day I have a job, I'll raise my son as a gentleman. Basically, he'll be everything that you're not. He'll be a man you'll not be able to recognise. I'm sorry that your parents didn't teach you well.

With lots of love and care,

Your vengeful wife.  

(Source: Akkarbakkar)

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