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Wednesday, 19 April 2017

What it's like to be married to a jobless man who wants to live his whole life on debt

After running after true love for so long and finding that no man can commit sincerely but all would like to spend time and avail your presence, I finally prepared myself to be open to a casual relationship. But it didn't work, I noticed that every second boy would approach you if you are open to all kinds of outings and let people know that you are dating and just dating.

Before all this could end I got a marriage proposal. I didn't have to spend 24 hours with this guy every day but as time passed we got to know each other better and soon enough I realised that he needed support and I loved him unconditionally. I didn't expect anything from him then, instead I gave him all the possible support and love. I helped him financially, mentally and physically. I thought I was doing enough and anyhow I could manage it. Later as he passed out of college, he could not do any job sincerely with stability.

I started getting irritated with him but his condition was going from bad to worse. My final exams were there and I was tensed for him as well. By the time I was done with my exams, his parents came in a rush to take him away from the city to his house as his friends asked them to. He had a very bad standard of living.

2 months passed, I joined my first job as an HR Recruiter, he used to call me sometimes as his parents had kept him on house arrest and as weeks passed he started looking for a good job. My love for him rose from the ashes as he recovered and his family that knew about our relationship asked us for the next step. Being from the same Brahmin community, after matching our kundalis, we finally got married in 2010.

After one and a half month of marriage and becoming the loving daughter to my in-laws I joined my husband in Gujarat where he was posted for his job. I joined a manufacturing company as well as an Asst Manager. The small miseries continued between us in the form of carelessness towards me and being extravagant. Slowly I started neglecting these habits as I found them incurable.

He pressurised me into asking for extra money from my office and from my colleagues as he quit his job within a few months of our marriage due to pressure. Feeling stuck and having quarrels almost every day with my mother over his complaints, I stopped complaining and tried managing everything myself.

My image in office was also tarnished by then. September 2011 I conceived and thought I shall shift my focus from the untreatable man to the new world of my own. During these 9 months he used to come home with his friends late night, and pressurised me to continue the factory job full-time, and asked for money every now and then. He purchased a new house after taking a loan from his dad by making a promise to return the money.


Due to his addiction towards taking loans from friends and from wherever possible, he was able to take a huge home loan that went much beyond his earnings and repaying capacity. I was falling into depression, when my in-laws also started staying with us after their retirement. Due to his debts, his parents started questioning me about his habits, since as per them 'a wife must control the man'.

The environment was hard to survive in. Moreover in Gujarat I had no relatives so my mom joined me and became the cause of the next blame for the quarrel as dividing the family. Anyhow I had a baby boy in June 2012 and since my mother left after 15 days, no one slept in my room to ensure that the new baby does not kill their sleep.

I still enjoyed the nights with my baby for 2 months and went to my home for the next 2.5 months. Later coming back to Gujarat, my husband could not bear the expenses and gradually all my gold jewellery and savings went to loan companies.

Then my brother's wedding came, I stayed home for 2 months, in fact 4 months, as my husband had no money to take care of me. Meanwhile he took advantage of the absence of me around him and bought a new house that just doubled the loan without getting all the jewellery back. The conditions went worse. On asking any question, he reacted dramatically as if I was torturing him after a long tiring day.

Getting no answers for years and years, I finally left the state and came back to Rajasthan. I left my 21-month-old baby at my mom's place with a stone cold heart, and joined an executive level job in a week.

I went to see my son every month and came back wounded emotionally every time. My husband left his job again and came to the city I was in as I could not manage with his parents having arguments nonstop. He joined a job, but one day he was caught saying some bad things about his boss and got terminated. He waited to be rehired by that very company for months. It became unbearably irritating for me.

A random day close to Diwali in 2014, the quarrel stretched from morning to night and he raised his hand on me. When I didn't see an end to it, I put a full stop with a tight slap to save myself. I was ready to leave the house midnight but then he dared to call my mother who gave me her "kasams" to not to leave the house.

My father was coming to the city the next day so I went with him for Diwali. He still had the audacity to come to my maternal home and throw tantrums. My parents however convinced me that for the child, I should give it a chance, and I did.

As he could not pay the giant home loans throughout his joblessness, the hidden elephant came out to his parents and a new world war began. He pressurised me and threatened me to get credit cards to manage the house and his instalments. We were far from a liveable situation. I let everything happen to gradually decide whether I was IN or OUT this time.

My mom now had to take care of my new born nephew along with my son, and as she was suffering from arthritis, she asked me to keep my son with me. We kept a servant, shifted into a 2BHK, got my son back. But my husband still did not earn on a regular basis and he even asked for money for his juniors, colleagues and bosses from me and expected me to arrange that from my officemates.

Within a month, I was OUT. I packed my son's bags and dropped him back to my mom's despite everything. I left my husband the day I came back home. My son joined me back on his previous birthday and I'm a single parent now. My mother still forces me to get back with my husband and treats him as respected Jamai Ji if he reaches out to her.

(Source: AkkarBakkar)

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