Day 2: Syrian Jacobite Christian Wedding

Around 7.30 am Vij and Rajeshattan went to dress Eldho and came back to pick me and Viji at 10 am. I wike up at 10 am and we got ready for the wedding. We reached the chreiyapally (small church) around 11 am on Sunday. The wedding ceremony was going on and we joined others. It is customary that orthodox Syrian Christian women cover their head when they enter the church. So almost all women had covered their heads with their saris.

Priests preaching the couple

The ceremony took about one hour and we couldn’t attend the first ceremony which had taken place in another church for an hour. No one sat, everybody was standing and the priests were preaching to the couples in Syrian and Malayalam which was accompanied by choir singing. Though I didn’t understand much of it, Viji kept on translating and explaining things to me.

Bride and the groom hearing preaching

At last, the couple turned towards us and the bride was beautiful. Viji told me that in most Malayali weddings, the age gap between the groom and the bride will be minimum 10 years. They are very conservative in this. Any guess what is the age gap between this couple???:)

Eldho and Sheela

Eldho, groom, works in Bangalore and is a friend of Rajeshattan and Vijith. Sheela, bride, works as a nurse in Thuraif, Saudi Arabia.

Priest performing a ritual during the wedding

Though not like Hindu weddings, Syrian Christain wedding has lot of influences from the Hindu culture. Their churches, traditions and customs have derived a lot from our tradition and culture and every ceremony clearly shows it.

Bride and groom

There are five important ceremonies in Syrian Christian weddings.

1. Kalyanamaurappa: Arranging a match

‘Kalyanamaurappa’ means ‘arranging a marriage’ between the girl and the boy. Once the groom’s family accepts the proposal, male members from the groom’s family visit the bride’s family to fix a wedding date. Both families take a decision that the girl will come to into the boy’s family along with ‘streedhanam’ (wealth of a woman), which can include money, clothes, jewellery or property. Henceforth she will not lay any more claims on her father’s wealth. Once an agreement is reached, the two eldest male members from each family hold hands in a symbolic clasp. An ‘angavastram’ (white cloth) covering their hands, seals the contract. The engagement is announced at the respective churches for three consecutive Sundays in the presence of the community and the families of the bride and groom. On the third Sunday, the bride and groom go to their respective churches for confession and to partake in the Holy Communion.

2. Madhuramvekal: Pre-wedding ceremony

This ceremony is held in the respective homes of the bride and the groom, a day prior to the church wedding. Barring a few differences, the ceremonies are similar.

The groom sits facing the east, while a barber cuts his hair and shaves off his beard. The groom’s eldest sister or female cousin anoints his hair with oil.The groom’s brother-in-law then escorts the groom for his regular bath ensuring that he does this from the westerly direction. The groom returns from the easterly direction, sheltered under an umbrella, held by the brother-in-law. On his arrival, all the ladies clap their hands and cheer him. This is called the ‘korava’, traditionally considered very auspicious throughout Kerala.

In the bride’s home, she is made to wear a simple sari and her brother’s wife performs the rituals of anointing her with oil and taking her for her bath in the same manner as done for the groom. After her bath, the bride changes into a resplendent silk sari, wears traditional jewellery; adorns her hair with flowers and puts on a gold chain with a cross on it.

After the ‘korava’ the bride and groom in their respective homes, heads covered, sit on a chair, which has been covered with a white cloth and are blessed by the priest. A sweet called ‘madhuram’ (banana slices soaked in sweet Palmyra palm juice) is brought to be blessed by the priest. After the blessing, the sweet is given to the bride and the groom by the mother or grandmother.

3. Mantra Kodi: Preparing the’ taali’

The sari, which the groom will present to his bride in church the next morning, is called the ‘mantra kodi’. The night before the church ceremony, strands of thread are drawn from this sari by the groom’s sister and twisted to form a cord. Taali, a leaf shaped gold pendant with a cross inscribed on it, is tied on this cord.

4. Church ceremony: Holy Matrimony

On the day of the wedding, the priest visits each home separately and blesses the bride and the groom. The groom carries the sari for the bride, the ‘taali’ and two wedding bands. After the blessing, the bride and the groom step out of their homes, preceded by a young girl holding a ‘diya’ or lamp. The bride wears cream coloured Kerala sari. In the church the priest officiates and after the sermon, the couple exchange wedding bands. All through the ceremony the bride’s sister stands behind her. Vows are exchanged and the groom ties the ‘taali’ to the bride. During the tying of the ‘taali’, the bride’s sister is replaced by the groom’s sister. The ‘mantra kodi’ is placed on the bride’s head by the priest and blessed. Later, the bride puts the sari on her left hand. The same sari is worn by her for the reception. The couple joins hands and is announced man and wife.

5. Reception: Post wedding celebrations

The reception is a modern day concept, borrowed from the West and is basically a celebration of the wedding. The families involved host a grand dinner and the newly wed couple is introduced to the relatives and guests.

Vij and Rajeshattan

After the wedding we headed towards the valiayapalli nearby, which is famous for a miracle. People say that the priest of this church disappeared after drowning in a well. When people tried to fish out his body, it was not found in the well.

Day 1: In God’s Own Country

Waited for a long time to witness a Christian wedding and it was special because it was a Syrian Christian wedding, that too in the God’s own country Kerala. When Vijith  wanted to take me for the wedding of his friend in Kolenchery in Kottayam I was more than happy.

Rivers meandering past the houses and paddy fields, exchanging pleasentries with the people washing clothes, the long regiments of coconut trees giving an impression of guarding the endless stretch of paddy fields flashed in my mind.

We reached Kottayam around 9 am in the bus last Saturday, travelling almost 12 hours from Bangalore, and took a room at Indraprastha hotel to freshen up, while Rajeshattan and his wife Viji headed towards their home. After eating Masala Dosa (they called it so) I thought how good our Masala dosas are in Karnataka.

Waiting for Rajeshattan to turn up, I had a naqp in the room and at last, the couple arrived around 2 pm.

Leaving the hotel, we went to see CMS College, the oldest college in Kottayam. Founded by the Church Missionary Society of England in 1817, it is the oldest of the institutions for higher education in South India. Rajeshattan and his parents studied in this college and Rajeshattan became nostalgic about his college days.

The college looks like a traditional Kerala house and the campus is considered to be one of the most natural campuses in Kerala. The different departments are housed in separate blocks, a unique feature of the college. With neatly laid out roads and lawns, the college campus sprawls in about 35 acres.

clean road inside the college campus

Recently, Malayalam movie Classmates was shot in the campus.

At present, the College is affiliated to Mahatma Gandhi University, Kottayam.

CMS COllege, Kottayam

The alumni of the college include former President of India Dr K.R. Narayanan, formulator of Indian foreign policy K.P.S. Menon, former ambassador to China Sardar K.M. Panicker, renowned physicit Dr E.C.G. Sudharshan, former judge of the Supreme Court Justice K.T. Thomas, chief editor or Malayala Manorama K.M. Mathew, former chief minister of Kerala Oommen Chandy and others.

About eight acres of the campus is maintained as a forest, which houses a large variety of plants and animals. This patch of forest with its rich bio-diversity acts as the lungs of the town.
Rev. Benjamin Bailey was the first principal of The College, COTTYM, as it was called and spelt then.
Earlier, the curriculum included the study of Latin, Greek, Hebrew, Mathematics, History and Geography besides English, Malayalam, Sanskrit and Syriac. In 1838, the college was shifted to the wooded hillock, the present site, commanding views of the distant Western Ghats. Rajeshattan remembered told us that one of the oldest buildings in the campus is Room 52 or “Grammar School” as it was named then.

The college provided free education to all the students until 1855 when the fee of 1 rupee a month began to be collected from each student.

Today, the college has 14 departments with 47 courses and six research centres.

Was feeling damn hungry and we headed towards Family Toddy Restaurant. The hotel on the roadside with a dhaba look was crowded. Rajeshattan told us that the place is famous for kallu (toddy) and families visit the place to drink it. Even women don’t mind to savour it! The smell of fish curry was so much that we were forced to sit outside for the lunch. Not that they are not used to it, but I was not used to it. The smell was unbearable for me. Came to learn from Rajeshattan that families take pictures standing outside the hotel and women don’t hesitate to pose for the camera in front of a kallu shop (he pronounced it as ‘shaap’, the typical Malayali pronunciation of the shop).

ducks in the backwaters

After hearing so much of, wanted to see the menu and worried if there will be only kallu to drink and fish to eat in the place and nothing else for me!

Karimeen fry

The person came to take the order, and then went the list from Rajeshattan to him – Kallu,  Karimeen (Karimeen is known as Pearl Spot in English and is found in abundance in the warm, brackish waters of the lakes and backwaters of Kerala and is considered a delicacy by fish lovers), Taravu (duck), Kappa (tapioca), Chicken, Kallappam and Palappam.

Karimeen or Pearl Spot Fish

They got the kallu in an earthen pot, kept in the fridge. The drink looked like buttermilk and after my hubby forced me to taste it, I just took a sip from his glass and it tasted like a mixture of buttermilk and tender coconut. It tasted well and I didn’t want to take any risk by having it, as I never drink alcohol.

palappam

 I liked Kappa and chicken fry and tasted little Taravu and Karimeen for the first time in my life.

kappa

Rajeshattan told me that duck is considered to be cold and chicken hot for our body.

The place is best known for its toddy and karimeen curry and I came to know that they wash the fish with vinegar and salt to avoid the smell. And the fish really didn’t smell fishy! The best part came when the bill came and a single Karimeen fry was ONLY RS 200! The same will be available at other hotels for less than Rs 75, but with the fish smell. There goes the secret of this toddy shaap. Ask in the market for 1 kg Karimeen and you will get it for less that Rs 175! After the lunch, we went to the house of Paapi (Rajeshattan’s childhood friend) to pick him for the wedding along with us.

house seen on the other side of the backwaters from the house of paapi

It was on the banks of a river provided a perfect background for our photograph.

Paapi and Rajesh

Later, we went to Motel Aaram in Vaikom on the Vembanad backwaters. Near to the hotel is the famous Vaikom Memorial.

rajesh, his wife Viji, me and Vijith

The Vaikom Satyagraha was the first systematically organised agitation in Kerala against orthodoxy to secure rights of the depressed classes. No mass agitation in Kerala acquired so much all-India attention and significance in the twentieth century as the Vaikom Satyagraha.

Vaikom Memorial Hall

Vaikom is a small town on the eastern banks of the backwaters of Vembanad Lake.

Fishermen in the Vembanad Lake

The town is famous for its Shiva temple, which in the early twentieth century was the citadel of orthodoxy and casteism. And we couldn’t visit it. As was the custom prevalent in those days, the Avarnas were not allowed to enter the temples. But at Vaikom , they were not permitted even to use the public roads around the temple. Notice boards were put up at different spots prohibiting the entry of Avarnas reminding them of their social inferiority. All the more unbearable to them were the fact that a Christian or a Muslim was freely allowed on these roads. An Avarna had to walk through a circuitous route, two to three miles longer to avoid the road beside the temple.

Fishermen busy catching fish in the Vembanad Lake

Saw a few lorries filled with sand and other vehicles being ferried to the other side of the Vembanad Lake. Rivers and backwaters in Kerala are like our state highways and national highways. People still use waterways to move from one place to another using small canoes or motor boats.

While the trio indulged in their drinking session in the motel, I kept myself busy in capturing the dusk engulfing the vambanad Lake and fishermen spreading nets. I was fortunate enough to see a water snake moving fast in the lake but it missed my lens.

We headed towards Eldho’s place and on the way saw some religious procession on the road.

A religious procession

After travelling for around one hour, we reached Hotel Lovedons in Kolenchery and checked in to an A/C room, as the temperature was very high. By the time a gang of Anglo-Indians, Eldho’s friends in Bangalore, reached the hotel. We took bathed and freshened up, got a call from Eldho and we headed towards his house. The ceremonies were over by the time we reached his house and we met his relatives and family members.

Had a nice dinner and the menu had chicken, rice, moru kolambu, beef and upperi. Met a relative of Eldho whom Viji  called as Ammachi. She was too talkative and she asked my hubby if I was his daughter studying in college. We left the place around 12.30 am, promising them that we would go for the wedding the next day by 10.30-11 am.

Rajeshattan and Vij were supposed to go to dress Eldho by 7.30-8 am the next day…

In a whirlpool of lies and deceptions

“I did not elope … I married you in front of thousands of people,” screamed Prerana at Vikram. “I understand, calm down,” he requested. 

“How can I calm down? Time and again you have been saying to forget and forgive things. I have tolerated enough for the past six-and-a-half years. Not any more…,” she continued. 

“Try to understand my situation also,” he pleaded.

“Why should I always adjust? Why should I always compromise? Why should I always understand you and your family members? What about my feelings? What about my sufferings? Didn’t you see how your mother and brother told lies in front of you?” she asked.

Prerana and Vikram married six-and-a-half years ago against the wish of their parents. But that does not mean that they eloped and secretly married, they courted for four years, waited for two years so that Vikram’s parents agree for the wedding. 

Vikram, the middle son of an orthodox Malayali parents, went against his parents to choose his life partner, a Kannadiga. His parents tried their level best to convince him not to marry Prerana, even calling her father and telling him not to disturb them and they would not accept her as their daughter-in-law… They kept on pushing the matter of their wedding citing the issue of elder brother, Sanjay, who was supposed to go to New Zealand, who has never gone there till date! Read more about his story in this earlier post. 

Things changed or appeared to have changed after the divorce of Vikram’s elder brother Sanjay from his wife Leela. But things didn’t seem to have improved. The greediness and avariciousness of his parents neither decreased nor ceased to trouble him. 

In between all these, younger brother Rakesh went a step ahead… being the favourite of his mother, he had a feeling that whatever he does, whether right or wrong, he would not be questioned, he would not be rebuked, but pardoned and accepted whole heartedly. He eloped with his childhood friend, school sweetheart Deepa, and secretly married her nearly two years ago.

Deepa, in spite of knowing the greediness of his parents, was more than eager to marry Rakesh, at any cost. Deepa didn’t mind to marry her lover even though his parents had abused her and had accused her of brainwashing their son for years together. His mother had accused her of stealing her son. “You trapped my son. Didn’t you get any other guy? You had many other guys in your class, you should have chosen any one of them,” she had asked Deepa.

Deepa and Rakesh knew each other for 11 years. In fact, Deepa attended the wedding of Prerana and Vikram and nobody got any inkling that she was the girlfriend of Rakesh! Being the eldest among the three siblings, her parents insisted that she marries soon. When Rakesh told about his relationship to his parents, they strongly disagreed, as expected. Interestingly, both belonged to the same caste, same community and same class. Moreover, both studied together in school and were of the same age. 

Rakesh’s mother even openly told Deepa that she would never agree for the wedding. She had accused that the character of her mother was not good and people talk all rubbish things about that woman and they have a mad person in her family. It is then Deepa sought the help of Vikram to convince his parents for the wedding. 

She knew that she had to struggle like Leela, but was ready to face anything, after all she was madly, blindly in love with Rakesh! More than that coming from a poor family, she loved to be a part of a well settled family. 


The funny part is when Prerana was blamed by her in-laws about brainwashing and trapping their son, she had said that she would support Rakesh if he falls in love and wants to get married to a girl of his choice. Vikram’s father had shouted back at her, while the former kept mum: “You have spoilt my son and my son Rakesh is not a fool to fall in love.” 

They kept on insulting Prerana for years to come that she trapped Vikram. Every single day Prerana felt that she made a mistake of marrying Vikram. Even after six years, they had not stopped mentally harassing her… She was caught in their whirlpool of lies and deceptions...

When Rakesh's parents learnt about his secret wedding, once again the blame was shifted to Vikram and Prerana. Vikram's mother accused Vikram  and Prerana for supporting them to elope and cursed both son and daughter-in-law that they would understand her pain when they have their own child eloping with somebody. Later, she enquired about it with Deepa and when she bluntly refused that she had never married secretly, Rakesh's mother backfired again at Prerana and Vikaram for no fault of theirs! 

Later, When the news spread like a wildfire and relatives, friends and neighbors learnt about their secret wedding, Rakesh's parents had no go but to fix the wedding again to show the public that it is a fixed alliance. As usual they didn't reveal about fixing the wedding to Vikram and Relatives informed Vikram and Prerana that the wedding of Rakesh's and Deepa had been fixed and they have already started distributing the wedding cards. 

Vikram and Prerana were not new to such attitudes from their family and Prerana agreed to attend the wedding, as Vikram had convinced her that his parents will never be biased and things would improve, and the error in the wedding invitation was to be neglected! Vikram and Prerana went 10 days before the wedding and what more, yet another world of lies and deception was waiting to open in front of them! 

Rakesh's mother showed three saris and jewels purchased for the bride and asked Prerana if they are nice. Prerana said they are nice and asked back if the bride liked them, as it is important for the bride to like them as it is she who will wear them. Rakesh's said there's no need to ask the bride and his mother's choice is final! Prerana and Vikram kept quiet thinking things would never improve in that family. 

Vikram was also surprised to see that his mother has purchased a third sari for the bride and asked the reason behind it and she shot back telling that the bride would wear it when she will go back to her parent's house on third or fourth day after the wedding. Vikram and Prerana were shocked to learn that as nothing of that function was held for Prerana when she had married. 

Surprisingly, rather say not that surprise for Vikram and Prerana, his mother had bought saris and dresses for all the relatives except for Prerana. After showing the bride's saris to her, she said that she didn't buy any sari for Prerana. When Vikram said he would take Prerana to buy a sari she nodded her head. Prerana purchased a sari for the wedding and an Anarkali dress for the reception along with a gold necklace and four bangles at a Jewellery shop using her credit card -- which she later paid using her two fixed deposits! She had to buy saris and jewels, as Rakesh's mother had taken back the saris and jewels given to Prerana during the wedding...

When Rakesh's mother saw Prerana's sari, she became upset and asked where she bought it. When she learnt it was from the same shop where she had purchased saris for the bride and all her relatives, she kept on seeing that had she seen that particular sari she would have purchased it for the bride!!!

When Rakesh said he wants to buy sandals for Deepa, Prerana suggested that he should just ask her to buy what she likes and he can give money to her and he shot back saying that cannot be done and he himself would buy it! Though not surprised, Prerana felt happy that at least now they are buying everything for the bride, for They had not bought anything for Prerana and whatever was purchased by Prerana was shown to relatives and friends that it was bought by in-laws! 

Later when Rakesh bought some shirts to be given to his uncles, his mother's brothers of course and not father's brothers, his mother was upset looking at the price tags that the shirts were expensive. She kept on taunting Vikram and Rakesh for spending so much on buying those shirts and even suggested that they should get them exchanged for cheaper ones! God knows if she got them exchanged or not...

Every day guests kept pouring in and Prerana was made to wash dozens of coffee and tea cups after serving to guests. When relatives asked Rakesh's mother that she could have kept a maid for a few days till the wedding gets over, she said there was no need for one as Prerana is there to do work! Prerana kept helping with the dishes and cooking food continuously and whenever she went to the room to take rest or to attend a call or to use wash room, Rakesh's mother complained to the guests that she's too tired of doing all the household chores alone, especially preparing tea and washing the dishes! 

When Rakesh's uncles visited the house, his mother prepared a glass of Horlicks with extra cream, she had saved since morning, for Rakesh and served it to him. After all, guests were given watery tea and the thick milk was saved for Rakesh. When one uncle asked why is she not serving to Vikram, she said: "He has a wife, if he wants she will give it to him. Rakesh is still a small boy." Vikram laughed at her and said, "yes very small boy, so small that in a week's time he's getting married!" 

When guests asked if there was any photo of the bride, Rakesh's mother said they didn't have any. "In fact, we had seen Deepa's cousin sister for Rakesh. That match was not good, so we settled for this girl (bride)!" Yet another lie on the face of relatives and friends, who already knew that Rakesh had an affair with Deepa and eloped with her two years ago and had even married her in a temple secretly. They laughed stealthily and talked to themselves in a hush hush manner when Rakesh's mother went to the room to get the saris and jewels...

Rakesh's mother's partiality didn't stop there. Two days before the wedding when Prerana wanted to go to a beauty salon, Rakesh's mother opposed it. In spite of that when Vikram took her out and returned, she was boiling with anger. When Vikram asked if everybody had finished their lunch, she didn't reply, but started to throw the mats and plates on the dinning table. Throwing vessels and plates in the kitchen was not a new thing and Prerana had witnessed it earlier also in that house, but this time she went a step ahead in throwing the mats and plates as if she is throwing food to dogs. Prerana felt bad at her attitude and refused to have her lunch and nobody said a word or asked her to eat. 

Nobody asked Prerana to have dinner. She cried and slept off and Vikram was not in a state to console her as he himself was badly hurt by his mother's behaviour. Next morning, Prerana kept herself in the room and nobody asked her if she's hungry. Lunch time passed by, everybody had lunch except Prerana. Nobody in the family bothered that Prerana did not eat for a whole day, she missed four meals. 

In the evening, Vikram told his mother that he's taking Prerana to a temple and took her to his friends house where they served them fruits and snacks. Later Vikram, took her out and bought her snacks and convinced her to eat dinner at his house. Prerana had to agree seeing the sad face of Vikram. 

The funniest part was, Rakesh's mother went to a beauty parlor and got a facial, hair color and eyebrows done, besides manicure! Nobody dared to say a single word... She came and tauntingly asked Prerana if her eyebrows look beautiful and if she's looking bright after the facial!

Vikram was helpless, sad and was feeling very bad by how his parents were treating Prerana in front of him. He could neither support his parents nor support Prerana, he was caught in between them. A day before the wedding, Rakesh's mother told relatives and friends who had come to meet her that all the saris and jewels were selected by the bride herself! Vikram and Prerana were shocked on hearing this. She and her son had told a white lie just a couple of days ago when asked about the saris and jewels. 

On the day of wedding, Rakesh's mother kept her husband's relatives at a bay and made her relatives to perform all the rituals. Prerana kept the company of Vikram's friends and their mothers during the wedding. Rakesh's mother moved around as if nothing has happened and was cheerful in the wedding hall, which she never did during Vikram's wedding. 

After the wedding, it was time to get ready for the reception and when the bride was ready, Rakesh's father asked his wife to take the bride to the hall and switch on the AC. Can you believe it? Yes, switch on the AC! When Prerana had married and she had got ready for the reception and was sweating, nobody had bothered to even show the courtesy of making her sit under the fan, let alone switch on the AC! 

When Prerana showed the partiality being done, Vikram kept silent and agreed that he would directly go to the reception hall with her instead of visiting the bride's house... They had not done this for the elder son's wedding and Vikram and Prerana kept on noticing the changes going on.

When it was time for family photo in the reception, Prerana stood for one and refused to take part in their drama. She asked Vikram, "what is the need to have a family photo when they have not even considered me as a family member? It's been six plus years since we are married, they have not kept a single wedding photo of ours and now you ask me to pose for a family photo?! That's very funny. It's time to make people know that they are faking relationships and all is not well in this family..." Vikram was shocked by Prerana's reply and felt humiliated in front of his relatives. 

Prerana and Vikram were so disgusted at the whole affair that they decided to go out of the house the next day, as the break from those people was much necessary for both. Both took a friend and went on a one-day trip and returned late night. 

Funnily, Rakesh's mother gave him the same bed sheet given to Sanjay and Leela and then to Vikram and Prerana for their first night! Prerana and Vikram laughed how the same bed sheet served the purpose for all the three sons and wished at least they had purchased a new bed sheet for Rakesh and Deepa...

On the second day of the wedding, Deepa was busy chatting with Rakesh's mother and when Prerana went to the kitchen to help in cooking, she was asked to prepare veg curries. When Prerana agreed, Deepa handed over a knife to her! Yes, a knife! Handing over a knife to the hand results in a fight, they say, and ancestors never lie when it comes to experience. Till date, Prerana and Deepa are never on good terms, one because of the misunderstanding she created between Vikram and Prerana and another because of the misunderstanding she created between Prerana and her in-laws! The knife magic??!! Hmmm, maybe!!!

 On the third day after the wedding, Deepa came and asked if the sari she was wearing was proper. Prerana was taken aback when she saw that she was wearing the same sari which she had presented to Rakesh's mother long ago. Deepa's relatives came to take her home and a sumptuous lunch was arranged. Rakesh's mother asked Preraran if she can prepare lemon rice to all the guests, around 20-25 people and when she was silent, Vikram said that it's better to order food from caterers. She agreed and the food was ordered from outside. 

Relatives asked Prerana what color sari had she got when she had married. Prerana remained silent and said that they had not given any sari and such a function was not even held then.

Deepa left with Rakesh to her parents' house and Prerana left with Vikram to her parents' house. A wide gap had been created between Prerana and her in-laws and Vikram felt sad about the whole affair. After leaving Prerana at her parents' house, Vikram confronted his parents and asked why they did partiality between Prerana and Deepa and why they told lies to Prerana. His mother bluntly said, "we did not do your wedding properly and wanted to do our younger son's wedding properly!" 

Vikram was dumbstruck listening to what his mother said and decided to take a major step without informing his family, probably the first one in his life and it was just the beginning of it. He had never imagined that he would end up taking that step... Though sad, yet happy to know the true colors, better late than never, he went ahead with the idea which had been popping up in the head for the past few days and a friend and well wisher had also given a positive reply to go ahead with his idea. 

He went back to Prerana's house and discussed the matter with her and both agreed to go ahead with the decision which changed their life forever. Because one half of their heart always knew that some wishes would never come true, still the second half waited for magic and miracles to happen and that magic and miracle happened with the dawn of the new year. They both began a new journey and decided to keep Vikram's family away from all major decisions in future, after all it was their life and they didn't want any more troublemakers to spoil their happiness. 

Book review: Manik And I: My Life With Satyajit Ray

My latest book review is on Manik And I: My Life With Satyajit Ray by Bijoya Ray in today's Kannada Prabha newspaper. Here's the link: 

Many Qataris frown on marrying foreigners

Instances of Qatari men marrying foreigners have once again brought to the fore the debate about the effect of such marriages on families.

Many Qatari nationals believe that such marriages reduce marriage prospects for Qatari women and even lead to social problems for the children of such couples. Others argue that nationality should not be taken into consideration for marriage.

Many reasons are cited for Qatari men marrying foreigners. These include the “restrictive” traditional way of choosing a bride, the expenditure involved in giving ‘mehar,’ and the difficulty of finding a bride. Others say Qatari men marry a foreigner as their second wife because Qatari women don’t like to be in that position.
The issue has been widely debated in the social media and other platforms by citizens.

The debate is going on against the backdrop of the fact that Qatari women, who once used to get married in their teens, are now putting off marriage to their late 20s or early 30s to focus on education or pursue a career, as a study has found.

Only one percent of Qatari women now marry between 15 and 19 years of age. At the same time, figures from the Ministry of Development Planning and Statistics say that 66 of the 106 husbands who got divorced in January 2014 were Qataris. The number of Qatari wives who got divorced that month was 56, as against 50 non-Qatari wives. A total of 341 marriages were registered in January.

Children of Qatari men married to foreign women get Qatari citizenship and the benefits that come with it, but children of Qatari women married to foreigners do not.

Qatari columnist Faizal Al Marzouqi wrote in a recent article that he was shocked when one of his friends decided to marry a lady from a South Asian country.

“I didn’t discuss the reasons behind the marriage or insist that he marry a Qatari, but what came to my mind was the future of the children,” wrote Al Marzouqi.

He argues that Qatari society is not yet ready to accept children of foreign mothers, whose appearance would be different from that of most Qataris.

“Taking into consideration the fact that our society is not yet mixed like others, we still think about skin colour, hair.… It will affect the children’s psychology and they will feel that they are discriminated against and will hate society,” says Al Marzouqi.

He has urged Qatari men to marry Qatari women, saying: “Your fellow Qatari girls are the best and most beautiful and suitable for you. And don’t let your children hate you when they differ from the society they live in.”

Several others have expressed their opinions on Twitter and Qatari social media in favour of or against Qatari men marrying foreigners. Some have also said that children of Qatari women married to foreigners should be given citizenship.

“There are many reasons behind Qatari men marrying foreigners, including the high expenses on ‘mehar’, living standards, accommodation and marriage requirements, and the marriage becomes a kind of competition.  But when it comes to marriage with a non-Qatari, the expenses are less,” said a commentator on a popular Qatari social media.

Another said, “When a man thinks of marrying a Qatari girl, the first thing that comes to his mind is money, to get a loan and spend long years repaying it.”

Also, some claim that Qatari men marry foreigners only as their second wives.

“Many people (Qatari) marry a foreigner as their second wife. Anyhow, marrying a foreigner has positive and negative aspects. But Islam never mentions tribe or nationality regarding marriage,” said a commentator.

“Some men want to marry a second time, but Qatari women don’t like to be the second wife,” said another commentator.

Yet another said, “Marrying a foreigner is better than having an illegitimate relationship.”

Some claim that the traditional method of finding a bride in Qatari society is among the reasons for men preferring a foreign bride.

“It’s better to get married to a Qatari woman. But sometimes there are too many restrictions. It’s easy to see foreigners, talk to them and get to know them. It’s easier than with a Qatari girl. In this case, the husband and wife come to know each other. Lack of understanding before marriage is one of the negative aspects leading to divorce,” said a commentator.

Some say the reasons behind Qatari men marrying foreigners should be considered seriously.

“People should really understand the reasons behind Qataris marrying foreigners,” urged a commentator.

Some are of the opinion that children of Qatari women who marry foreigners should be given citizenship rights.

“I hope the doors open for Qatari women to marry GCC nationals or others. Their children should be given citizenship and all privileges,” said a commentator.

However, many strongly reject this and argue that Qatari men marrying foreigners can have negative consequences for society.

“Some children are being insulted due to the origin of their father or mother,” said a commentator on Twitter.

“Not all families ask for too much money, and because of money if they marry foreigners, who will marry Qatari girls?” asked a commentator on social media.

“Look at our homes: there are many who have passed the age of marriage,” he said.

“The minimum cost of a simple marriage in Qatar is QR400,000. This is my experience with my brother’s marriage, so why should someone take a loan for a marriage,” read another comment.

 “Who said it’s less expensive to marry foreigner? One will have to spend his whole life for the foreigner and her family for travelling and others expenses,” argued a commentator.

“People have the right to take a decision on their lives but it shouldn’t affect their children in future,” said another comment.

Law number 21 of 1989 regulates the marriage of Qataris to foreigners. According to the law, a committee, now led by Abdul Al Maal as chairman and with members from different government institutes and ministries, including the Ministry of Awqaf,   receives applications for such marriages. It examines them and gives its recommendation to the Ministry of Interior. The final decision is taken by the Minister of Interior.

“The problem of Qataris marrying foreigners became an issue after people started travelling to foreign countries. Then a law was introduced to address the problem in 1989,” said a senior Qatari lawyer, Muhsin Ziab Al Suwaidi.

“This law doesn’t prevent anyone from marrying a foreigner, but it regulates and helps to maintain the Qatari family fabric as a core of the Qatari society,” he added.

The Qatar government has asked all Arab and Muslim countries not to give their citizens to Qataris in marriage without government approval.  

Children of Qatari men who marry a foreigner without permission from the government do not get Qatari citizenship. Also, in such cases the foreign wife will not get a residence permit in Qatar.

Some issues are taken into consideration when the ministry grants permission for a Qatari man to marry a foreigner, said Al Suwaidi.

He said the bridegroom should be above a certain age, shouldn’t have more than one wife, and shouldn’t be involved in any crime or immoral activity.

However, the law makes an exception for those wanting to marry someone from another GCC country.

Applications of people with special needs are usually accepted as finding a life partner is difficult for them. Also, Qatari men are granted permission to marry relatives in other countries, according to Al Suwaidi.  

But getting government approval to marry a foreigner is not easy for others.

“Qatari law restricts marrying foreigners by making it mandatory to get approval from a special committee and have it signed by the Ministry of Interior. It may take years to complete this procedure and one of my friends waited for four years,” said a commentator on social media. 

(Source: The Peninsula)