Men, you want to treat women better? Here's a list to start with

Over the last week, there’s been a lot of talk about how women are treated in the workplace – and elsewhere. TV writer Nicole Silverberg argues on the Guardian that if men want to step up, they can. Read on: 

Hey men, what are you planning to do better? Because you need to do better. Here are ideas on how you should treat women better.

‘That’s great … Maybe you could let me get a word in, someday soon?’ Photograph: Alamy Stock Photo

• Talk to your friend who is “kind of a creep” at work.
• Don’t talk over women.
• If you are asked to be on a panel/team and see that it’s all men, say something. Maybe even refuse the spot!
• When you see another guy talk over a woman, say: “Hey, she was saying something.”
• Learn to read a fucking room.
• Don’t call women “crazy” in a professional setting.
• Don’t use your “feminism” as a way to get women to trust you. Show us in your day-to-day life, not in your self-congratulatory social media.
• Don’t touch women you don’t know, and honestly, ask yourself why you feel the need to touch women in general.
• Do you feel that any woman on earth owes you something? She doesn’t. Even if you’re like, “Hm, but what about basic respect?” ask yourself if you’ve shown her the same.
• Don’t send pictures of your penis unless she just asked for them.
• If a woman says no to a date, don’t ask her again.
• If a woman has not given an enthusiastic “yes” to sex, back the hell off.
• If a woman is really drunk, she cannot consent to you and she also cannot consent to your buddy who seems to be trying something. Your buddy is your responsibility, so say something and intervene.
• If you do the right thing, don’t expect praise or payment or a pat on the back or even a “thank you from that woman”. Congratulations, you were baseline decent.
• Involve women in your creative projects, then let them have equal part in them.
• Don’t make misogynistic jokes.
• Don’t expect women to be “nice” or “cute” and don’t get upset when they aren’t those things.
• Don’t make assumptions about a woman’s intelligence, capabilities or desires based on how she dresses.
• Pay women as much as you pay men.
• If a woman tells you that you fucked up, and you feel like shit, don’t put it on that woman to make you feel better. Apologize without qualification and then go away.
• Don’t punish women for witnessing your vulnerability.
• Don’t get defensive when you get called out.
• Don’t need to literally witness a man being horrible in order to believe that he’s horrible. Trust and believe women.
• Don’t use your power to get women’s attention/company/sex/etc.
• Be aware of your inherent power in situations and use it to protect women, especially via talking to other men.
• Stop thinking that because you’re also marginalized or a survivor that you cannot inflict pain or oppress women.
• If women’s pain makes you feel pain, don’t prize your pain above hers, or make that pain her problem.
• Don’t read a list like this and think that most of these don’t apply to you.

(These also apply to how to better treat transgender and non-binary people, who are in more danger than cis women).