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Sunday, 26 July 2015

No matter what, I would have never eloped!


"Look to her, Moor, if thou hast eyes to see
She has deceived her father, and may thee," Brabantio spitefully warns Othello that his daughter Desdemona, who eloped and secretly married him, may betray him one day. Who can forget these famous lines, which led to the tragic end of not only Desdemona, but also Othello himself. It is these lines which haunted Othello and brought the downfall. Had he not eloped with Desdemona, had he not paid attention to Brabantio's warning, had he not listened to Iago, had he not doubted Desdemona, had, had, had, so many ifs and hads just because of one small, but a major mistake...


Let me come back to the point, I'm yet to meet a person who has eloped and has never regretted his/her decision to do so. No matter what, I would have never eloped, even if that meant I would be with the person I loved the most. I still remember my senior's incident and would recommend others also to never elope against their parents wish. 


My senior, who was studying Philosophy, was three years elder to a guy who was studying Sociology, and love is blind as they say and age never came between them! Belonging to two different castes, both had to face stiff resistance from their respective families. It was fun to see these couple and we offered whatever help we could in those days. During my final year PG, the couple decided to tie the knot secretly without informing either of the families, and they were successful in doing it. 


I almost forgot them after my PG and one day suddenly I bumped into her in Bangalore after 3-4 years. She had lost faith in life, faith on people, had attempted to end her life… When I asked about her married life, she burst out into tears and said they got separated two years ago! He being younger to her had lost interest in her soon after the wedding. He even convinced her to abort their child twice and she accepted to lose her pregnancy to save her marriage… 


Very soon his eyes fell on a rich single woman whose husband was working in Dubai. Even before getting the divorce, he had deserted his wife to marry that rich woman! All this happened within no time and his parents kicked him out of the house in support of their daughter-in-law. They were even ready to give his share of property to her but couldn’t do so as his two elder brothers opposed it. She had no choice but to leave the house and go to Bangalore in search of a job, as she had lost her greedy husband to some other woman. 


I was in love with a guy then, who is my present hubby, when I met her in Bangalore and she was in all tears. When she learnt about my love, all she said was, "No matter what, don't elope with him if your or his parents do not accept your relationship. Today you may think he deserves you, but tomorrow you'll regret your decision. No person deserves us so much that we bring such a disgrace on ourselves and our parents. Time may heal everything, even parents may forgive you one day, but the black mark of eloping with a guy or a girl will never erase from your life..." I had laughed at her then.


She's right, nobody is worth of it. I would never imagine myself eloping with my present hubby, who was my boyfriend then. I convinced my parents, especially my mom who never liked the idea of her daughter getting married to someone who was from a different caste, state and culture... My brother, though younger than me four years, had only one thing to say me always: "If you fall in love with anyone, please tell us openly. Never ever think of eloping with him. We will get you married to him even if we don't like him." He had seen some of his classmates eloping with guys and how their parents suffered. 


When we were still students, one of our neighbors had eloped with a minor girl. Later when cops found them after three months, the girl was pregnant and she had to wait in the remand home to legally wed that guy and when she had crossed eight months!


Moreover, when we were children, we had seen how one of dad's friends had decided to end his life when his daughter eloped with a guy. She was dumped by that guy after a week, robbing her of all the jewels and money, and she returned home. But by that time she came back, the news had spread like wildfire and it took several years to get her married off to a suitable guy. But when her husband's family learnt about her past, they threw her away. Her father had to keep her as well as her husband by giving some land and a house at his place! Whenever they have a fight, her husband taunts her by saying she had eloped with her boyfriend and people make fun of her parents that their daughter had eloped wit some guy before her wedding! 


When I was teaching in Bangalore, I used to see how young girls, as young as Class 11 and Class 12 girls, having affairs. I had heard how other girls helped such affairs in the name of friendship. I should mention an incident here which one of my senior colleagues had told me when I had joined the college for teaching. She had asked me to look at each face while taking attendance to avoid any trouble, if any, in future. When asked the reason, she told me about proxy attendance and how it could land teachers in trouble, bring bad reputation to college and put the lives of innocent girls in risk. 


A Class 11 girl who was in love with an auto driver had eloped with him and her friends, without any knowledge of it had given proxy attendance for 3-4 days. When missing complaint was lodged by her parents, cops came in search of her and the attendance register said she was present in the classroom and it is then that her friends accepted that they gave proxy attendance whenever a friend was not present. It was a mutual understanding between themselves to avoid unnecessary fuss during the year-end, which meant if there was a shortage of attendance he college would not give them hall ticket to write the exam! It's another matter that the cops fished out that girl and the auto driver dumped her and she had to join another college to save her face, but the incident was an eye opener and had set an example for lecturers and students alike. 


When I had seen so much around me how could I ever think of eloping with a guy? I couldn't even dream of bringing disgrace to my family. I didn't want my parents to bow their heads in shame in society. Had I done that mistake in my life, I would have never been able to look at my face even in the mirror, let alone show it to others and pretend nothing has ever happened! Thankfully, I never breached the trust of my parents and I successfully convinced my parents to marry the guy I loved and he also took painstaking two years to convince his parents for our wedding. Had any of our parents had not accepted our love, today we would have not been married to each other, I would have sacrificed him, not because I did not love him truly, but because I never wanted to elope with him!



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