When father and daughter wash dirty linen in public...

Here was a man who was telling about how his daughter posted on her Facebook wall, cursing him for “false allegations”. He says on the video: “My daughter thought it would be funny/rebellious/cool to post on her Facebook wall just how upset she was and how unfair her life here is; how we work her too hard with chores, never pay her for chores, and just in general make her life difficult.

She chose to share this with the entire world on Facebook and block her parent's from seeing it. Well, umm... she failed. As of the end of this video, she won't have to worry anymore about posting inappropriate things on Facebook...

Maybe a few kids can take something away from this... If you're so disrespectful to your parents and yourself as to post this kind of thing on Facebook, you're deserving of some tough love. Today, my daughter is getting a dose of tough love.”

Plus, the video comes with a warning: “Since this video seems to have gone crazy, I figure I'll post this notice. I'm going to read a letter my 15 year old daughter wrote. There ARE some curse words in it. None of them are incredibly bad, but they are definitely things a little kid shouldn't hear... not to mention things MY KID shouldn't say!”

 AT one point, everybody should appreciate the man for making a point. His point is very simple: do not let your children walk all over you. He felt it was time to his daughter that she can’t just say or do whatever she wants.

But wonder, there was a cigarette in his fingers throughout the video. He used his gun at the end to shoot at his daughter’s laptop. But one might also argue that the dad loses his credibility by sitting on a video with a cigarette in his hand. His daughter's rant is no different than most teen girls of that age. The man as a father should have handled it in a different way. When we teach our children how to behave, should we not also teach them not to air their dirty laundry in public? And are there no better ways to deal with a teenager’s rant than shooting her computer and making the scene much more worse?

But I don’t understand why are people bashing a man, who has put a disrespectful kid in her place and did it in a way that she would understand and would make a point to her? If we disagree with him, then we have to go ahead and continue to let our children do whatever they want and have no repercussions for their actions.

The girl was warned months before this was found. If the father had not fixed her computer what else could she have posted and how far could she have gone? Children should respect and be respected, it should work both ways. But if children go astray, they should be mended, their ways should be mended.

And I don’t understand why parents should be afraid of their children. If all parents were strict in parenting and had put fear in their children and mended their ways when they did mistakes, this world would have been in a better shape. Oh, yes. The scene is not that bad in India, as we still have respect for our parents and elders and our parents control our lives sometimes even after our marriage! Reason: Children can’t sue or file a complaint against their parents like western countries.

But here, I see and have heard how teenagers disrespect their parents and elders. And one should laud the idea of this man, for he didn't beat her or hurt her, which would have landed him behind bars, but he just hurt her where it hurts all teenagers most. And I see a parent commenting on the video: “He bought the computer, he can shoot the computer! And I'll gladly donate the money for the next round if need be! Great fathering!”

But don’t these children ever realize that whatever electronic gadgets they are getting are not needs, but are merely wants which parents buy them all the time to make them happy? No children earn to buy those fancy gadgets, from mobile phones to laptops to ipods to ipads, and not to mention about the monthly bills they get. They often take their parents for granted. They don’t even see how their parents work hard to get food, shelter and clothing, besides paying for their education.

Unfortunately, this teenager made it sound like she did the household laundry, made every bed in the place and waited on her parents hand and foot… Maybe she would have never survived in our world, in India, and in our time when we were being raised by our parents. When I was a teen, I got to see the TV only when I went to the high school and there were no other channels except Doordarshan, and most important, we had no remote control and we had to switch on and off by getting up from the sofa whenever our parents asked us to do so. And yes, the phone was there, locked almost all the time and we had to request our parents to make or receive the calls. We were taught to do all our chores, helped with meals and dishes. I then had no ipods, no computers, no cell phones, no days spent at the mall spending money I did not earn on anything and everything I wanted. And now, I have grown up and have made my parents proud by being wonderful adult. Had my parents not raised me in a proper way, I would have not been a person who I am today! 

I think, those who are bashing this father, have never been a parent yet, but others, who have been the girl’s age and are now parents, support the man wholeheartedly.

Small fights can make marriage stronger, healthier

I stumbled upon a study in the UK which revealed that an average couple has 135 tiffs a year. I smiled at the report and wondered only 135?! There are 365 days in a year man! My hubby was surprised to learn that it’s not only we, but even others have arguments and tiffs everyday ;)

The survey said that couples spend 40 minutes a day on average arguing about household chores. The biggest cause of domestic dispute is leaving clothes strewn around the house. But neither I nor my hubby do that and we ruled out that cause in our life. And yes, still we had arguments and small fights!

I have heard my colleagues and friends telling me how they use their work as an excuse for not doing household chores, which ultimately led to arguments and fights. Though small things like not helping hubby to iron clothes or washing clothes, making dishes may not seem like serious crimes, domestic chores and household responsibilities often cause arguments in even the most stable of relationships.

More importantly, putting off home improvements, not fixing broken or faulty appliances, trying to conceal damage or spillages and leaving jobs half-finished or poorly completed can also turn into fights.

But we never fight for such things. We start fight when we either of us do not get holiday to go out, or unable to attend some parties or functions. I don’t remember how many times have we fought over these trivial issues. We fix the programme and at the last minute it would get cancelled, as I failed to get leave due to some emergency work at office :(

Then we both wonder if others also fight like us over such small issues and convince ourselves that it’s part of the life and everybody will have their own reasons to fight if not the same cause.

We both give enough space for each other and understand each other, fights may decrease, if not end completely. If there are no small tiffs and fights, life would become too monotonus and boring. Small tiffs can help make relationships and marriage stronger and healthier, given the couple understand each other better and love each other by every passing day.

Falling in love is easy, making it work is not

It’s not that easy to make marriages last these days. Break-ups and divorces have become very common and one should know what it takes to make a marriage last.

People often take relationships for granted and often think that marriages will sail through without much effort.
We have to put as much work into our relationships as we do into anything else. We put so much into our careers but there’s also a lot of work that goes into making a successful partnership and marriage.

It’s not easy and anybody who’s successful at it deserves a pat on the back. People have got to grow with each other. They have to bend over backwards for each other to make a marriage last.

To fall in love is always easy, but to make a marriage work is difficult. The charm of a marriage starts to fade when people start feeling everything monotonus and boring. They start taking their spouses for granted.

One of my friends had working time difference and she hardly met her husband every day. Their love marriage suddenly seemed to be a failure. But they were quick enough to recover from the jolt before things could go out of control. Surprise visits and of course, the magical words “I love you” did great wonders in their life, as she keeps telling us.

Their schedules were hectic and taking a break from work and going on some holidays really did wonders. When everybody was thinking that their marriage ended and they are about to part their ways, some small changes did miracles. Today, they both are happy and they are in a position to advice friends and colleagues for a happy and long-lasting marriage.

And today, we are happy to see them together. His surprise calls make her blush and his bouquets on Valentine’s Day or on her birthday brings immense joy on her face.

As a friend, I knew how both of them used to argue over trivial issues. Their discussions used to turn into heated debate. Neither of them was ready to apologise, for they felt that it might hurt their ego.

But soon, they realised that it took them nowhere but to the destruction of their beautiful marriage. They had married after convincing their parents for two years. They had to save their love at any cost and they had to sacrifice little each and they did it!

Today, they make certain compromises and sacrifices for each other and are happy. They spend time and give each other the required space. They have realised that work is important and so is spending time with each other. They do not take office work to home. Both respect each other and each other’s feelings.

Nightie menace in India

If there’s anything that we Indians are religiously following westerners one might often think of two terms – sorry and thank you. But other than that also, I think they have left us something behind. Yes, not many can guess or they might have not observed that we have blindly accepted ‘nightie’ or ‘night dress’ or ‘nightgown’ from the west. Women in India wear them as if they were born in it. It is a must in their wardrobe and an integral part of their life.

I see my neighbours’ housemaids always in nighties. I think they have been given two nighties each, as I see them using only two nighties alternately. I haven’t even seen them in any other dress in the past one year and I don’t know how do they feel about wearing them always, as they have no say in what they want or what their landlords give them. 

Let me simplify what a nightie is. It is a loosely hanging costume, to be worn as a nightwear, exclusively meant for women for bedtime. We see them in cotton, silk, satin, nylon and often decorated in lace or embroidery at the bust and hem part. Some may have neckline, sleeves of different styles and types or some may be even sleeveless, some may have shoulder strap or back strap. Not just that, the length also varies -- from hip-length to floor-length. 

Okie, coming back to the topic. Don’t know when and how nighties entered India, somehow it seems to attract women like a magnet. I have seen exclusive shops selling nighties and nightgowns. Commercial Street in Bangalore has several exclusive shops selling them! 

I see many women wearing nighties and visiting neighbours, going to nearby shops to buy vegetables, dropping their children to schools, and funnily some even riding a two-wheeler. During my childhood, I used to see my friends’ moms coming to drop them and pick them up from schools, coming to give lunch boxes, in nighties. I used to wonder if my friends’ fathers were not in a position to buy their mothers any other dresses!

That was one dress I hated the most and I had not even dreamt that one day I would get married into a family, where my own mother-in-law would be wearing a nightie! Inspite of knowing that I don’t wear a nightie, my in-laws had purchased a nightie for me and my mother-in-law insisted that I wear it on the very first day after the wedding. When I refused to wear it, she made me to wear it on my churidhar and made my hubby to click my pic in the nightie. Thank god, the picture was completely blurred!

In Kerala, women seem to be more comfortable wearing this free-flowing gown both during day and night. Though a favourite of homemakers and worn primarily indoors, it is not uncommon to see many women stepping out into the streets in their nighties! In fact, many women even find it suitable for their early morning walk...

Wonder how Malayalis might have got this trend? I have heard my friends telling me that when the nightie made its entry into Kerala, it was frowned upon. During the 1950s and 1960s, when several Malayalis went to the Gulf in search of better opportunities, brought back not only money, but also this nightie! They thought their new outlook and attire reflected their new-found affluence.

I have seen many old women in nighties, going for walk, standing near the compound wall and gossiping. Often I wonder, why don’t they dress accordingly? Why don’t they stop wearing them once their kids reach teenage, or once they get daughters-in-law or sons-in-law. I can’t stop laughing when I see mothers-in-law wearing nighties and daughters-in-law wearing a churidhar or a saree. Maybe they want to feel young, chic and modern. Maybe they want to look more urban by wearing colourful nighties.

Gone are the days when women used to wear saree and walk to fields, carrying lunch baskets on their head. Now I see them in nighties and a towel or a dupatta, covering their chests! But I wonder in what way it makes them better or feel comfortable!

There are many of my friends who won’t wear them and dislike the very costume itself, not because of wearing it, but because of seeing how other women have over-used it (dare not say misused it!) And ask men if they like their wives to wear nighties and many of my friends firmly say no. Some even say, they have no choice as their wives don’t agree to wear anything else when at home! Maybe men feel it lighter on their pocket, as their wives don’t demand sarees and a nightie can cost much cheaper comparatively…

One of my classmates told me the other day that his mom never wore a nightie and it is very wrong to say that women shouldn’t wear them. “See, every woman has the right to dress according to her wish, but she has to wear it in a judicious manner, to keep the respect of her womanhood… If she feels comfortable in a nightie, she can wear it,” he said.

And then I asked, “Will you allow your wife to wear it? Does that mean that if your wife wants to wear a nightie, as she feels comfortable in it, will you not say anything if she goes in the same attire to buy vegetables in a nearby shop or face the visitors at home, or visit neighbours…??”

He retorted with a firm tone, “I will never allow my wife to wear a nightie and walk on the road.”

“There’s no doubt, it might be comfortable to wear, but that doesn’t mean it can be misused as a casual,” another friend smiled.

I wondered if I was mistaken that men also don’t like to see women in nighties all the time, as my classmate is still unmarried. So thought of checking what another friend, who works as a journo, thinks about it. Mind you, he is also not married yet! He put it in a more matured way, or should I say in a journalistic way? “It is as ridiculous as a man entering a boardroom in his boxers.” He also agreed that not many men are happy to see women in this nightdress always! 

Then, I thought of asking one of my former colleagues, who is much senior to me on how he feels about this nightie menace. All he could say was “awkward”, as he too is helpless in telling or checking his wife from wearing this great dress! She has been wearing it for nearly two decades and he has failed to convince her from wearing anything else and now, he dare not change her dressing style ;)

 And there were other friends who thought only those women who “never care about what others feel or see about them” wear them. Some even think that such women are “sheer lazy or perhaps don’t care types”. Interestingly, it is mostly married women with children who wear them. They walk on roads as if they are not bothered about the world. “It’s like they're not really bothered about their appearance, because I guess it’s not their priority… And I don’t see the purpose of the dupatta that they wear with the nightie though,” a friend quipped, while another said: “I feel like buying them some clothes… seriously.”

Then I forgot to mention about a funny incident. One of my friends, who is from North Karanataka and lives in Doha, never wore a nightie in her life. A few days back, when I called her, she told me how all her cousins make fun of her because she doesn’t wear a nightie. She told me how kids, as small as seven and eight, in her neighbourhood don colourful nighties. So last year she picked up a few nighties/nightgowns for her cousins at an exhibition in Doha. Surprisingly, she found an extremely beautiful cotton nightie and bought it for herself. Before I could exclaim, “What?” she continued, “I got this beautiful nightie with very beautiful lace work on it. I thought of getting it altered into a kurta. With that intention, I took the nightie to the tailor nearby. And the tailor was shocked when I asked her to cut the nightie and make it a kurta.”

I couldn’t control my laughter at her plight. She continued: “The tailor tried a lot to convince me not to get it altered. She even told me that the lacework would be lost, the beauty of the nightie would be gone if she turn it to a kurta. But I was insistent that she alters it to a kurta. I even gave her the idea that she can cut the lacework at the hem and stich it in between and I would not mind even if it looked odd.”

So I don’t know if it is the matter of comfort or the notion of looking chic and ultra-modern which makes most of the women prefer nighties, not just preferring, but wearing it the whole day, not just during the bedtime!

It might have been a new trend, a refreshing change when it entered the country. And I don’t think such a trend would have taken a long time to appeal to Indians. I have also heard that women used to get nighties for their relatives when they were returning for a vacation from abroad.

Maybe those who swore by the six-yard saree took a liking to the flowing kaftan like attire, lovingly termed it as ‘Maxi’ and teasingly called it as ‘Nighty’. The average woman simply lapped it up and the traditional sarees, skirts and blouses at last gave way to the present-day nightie. It might have become a hot favourite among women as it might have not restricted the movements in any way.   

Now let me go back to the origin and history of this great attire. Nightgowns or night dress or pajamas or nightshift or night smock or nightie or call them by any name, became very popular after 1950s. The Chemise was probably one of the first nightwear worn by women in the early middle ages. It was a medium-length tunic, not unlike the clothing worn by many of the ancient cultures in the Middle East. Interestingly, in medieval Europe, it had a dual function. It acted not only as women’s sleeping gown, but also as their underwear. Chemises protected the dress that women wore for years, from sweat. It was the cloth that a woman in the middle ages was likely to launder very often.

Chemise

Then came the Negligees which first debuted in France in the 18th century. Negligees were not the sexy see through garments of today. They were long and heavy like all women’s gowns. They also served the practical purpose of keeping the women warm in the winter in drafty sleeping quarters. Not to forget the fact that they did show a great deal of cleavage! And Negligee styles reflected the length of dresses of the era they were made in. Finally, in the roaring 1920s, when dresses made of silk and satin in shorter length become popular did the Negligee start to resemble something we recognize today as a Negligee.

Negligee

And nightgowns evolved from the chemise. In the beginning of the 20th century, the nightgown was widely used by American women. They were generally made from light-weight cottons in the summer and heavier flannels in the winter. Later, the lines between the chemise and the nightgown became somewhat blurred. Mid-light nightgowns without many buttons that lacked shape became to be known as women’s night shirts and they evolved into women’s sleeping tee-shirts and dorm sleeping shirts.

The chemise today is generally a short night gown made out of a more sensuous fabric like lace or silk. Nightgowns tend to be longer and more modest in character. Both the chemise and the nightgown are many times matched with a robe or dressing gown.

Elder bro says buy gold, younger bro says pledge gold!

There's one funny thing if people have observed in the commercials and ads, especially of gold jewellery ones. In one bunch of such Kannada commercials, two well known actors who are also brothers, endorse two different brands. I think by tnis time, everybody might have guessed which commercials I'm referring to. Yes, one is Kalyan Jewellers and the other is Malabar Gold. Both the actors are brand ambassadors of the two brands and one should see the lines they say to woo the audience, rather say the public, the customers.

The elder son of Kannada Nata Sarvabhouma Dr Rajkumar, Shiva Rajkumar, is the brand ambassador of Kalyan Jewels and he says, "Trust is everything... whatever glitters at Kalyan is pure gold..."

The younger son of Dr Raj, Puneeth Rajkumar, is the brand ambassador of Malabar Gold and he says "Beauty meets quality".

And in yet another ad the same actor, Puneeth, endorses Manappuram Finance, which provides loan against gold jewels, and says, "Why worry when you have gold at home, just go ahead and pledge the jewels to avail the loan to fulfill your dreams..."

The elder brother says buy gold, the younger brother says pledge the gold! Sounds funny, but I doubt if brothers ever gave a second thought of endorsing different brands which would one day make people watch them and laugh at them and their endorsements.

Then coming to Malayalam commercials and ads. Mohanlal is a well known actor in the industry and is the brand ambassador of not only Malabar Gold, but also of Manappuram Finance. He too says the same lines for Malabar Gold, "Beauty meets quality" and then the samelines for Manappuram Finance, "Why worry when you have gold at home, go and pledge the jewels and get the loan instantly to fulfill your dreams..."

Earlier, actors gave a second thought before endorsing any brand or becoming brand ambassador, but now, time has changed and all that matters is money and popularity they get through the commercials and ads. Now popular actors and actresses endorse even drinks and are not even bothered about the impact it can have on the younger generation who often worship them, not to forget the fact that we are living in a country, where temples are built in the names of actors and actresses, unions are formed and when actors die, fans also commit suicide and go on public rampage and state governments declare holiday and hold state mourning...

Bollywood actors endorse fairness creams and advice the youth to use them instead of sticking to girls' beauty products. Shahrukh Khan, who is on a darker side himself, endorses a fairness beauty cream and tells young men to stop using girls' beauty cream and start using men's cream, as the skin of men is much more hard and would not respond to females' beauty product.

Then, there is John Abraham, who also endorses Garnier Men's Fairness Cream, who says he can measure the colour of his skin and know if the result is visible. I sometimes wonder what his girlfriend, dark beauty Bipasha Basu, thought about her boyfriend endorsing a fairness product!

To the list was the new addition, Shahid Kapoor, who endorses Vaseline Men's Fairness Cream, who says men's product works much better than the female's cream. Cricketers are also not behind in this list.

Coming to actresses, most of them endorse fairness creams and fairness soaps and tell the audience how they got their beauty after using those products. People watching those commercials and ads never give a second thought about the product, but jump to buy them because they have been endorsed by popular celebrities and assume that the actors are indeed using those products. They fail to recognise or see the work of studio or photoshop effort that has gone into the making of the actor or actress look extraordinarily gorgeous!

How many people stop and think that Aishawarya Rai may be using some other international soap and not Lux, as she says in the commercial, "For satin silk skin, use Lux..."

One can easily see the photoshop work when one sees dark beauty Kajol looking whitewashed after using Olay Cream!

And what about dusky beauty Priyanka Chopra looking whitewashed in the Garnier Light Face Cream commercial and ads?!